God is So Good

All through December, I really struggled with the whole waiting portion of this adopting-out-of-foster-care business. The injustice (and if I'm honest), the inefficiency of the whole system was just eating me up, every day. And then one day I decided, enough is enough. I'm going to quit whining about this and try to focus on things that are hopeful.

Well here's the crazy thing--it worked. Since I made the decision to stop whinging on about every little delay, waiting hasn't bothered me a bit. Yes, I still ache for the children who believe themselves unloved, unsought, simply because it takes overworked CPS folks a long time to wade through the paperwork. But on a personal level, I have felt an unreal amount of peace since I decided to focus on God's goodness instead of man's inefficiency.

And God has worked miraculously during this time. Things I thought far too audacious to even pray for have become possibilities and realities. I have had time in my schedule to bless other foster families with free babysitting. [And the truth is, I have loved every minute of it--even the poopsplosion, super-exhausting minutes.] I have even experienced tremendous joy in filing, knowing that I'm helping families get a few steps closer to opening their homes to needy children.

I don't know what God has next for me. The number of unknowns in my life right now is perhaps higher than it has ever been. Yet my peace is more complete than it has ever been as well. Yes, I grieve for my children, wherever they are. And I pray for them constantly. But I rejoice in the unfailing goodness of God my Savior; I trust Him with this brief, miniscule life of mine; and I delight in His infinite surprises.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him.
--Psalm 36:3-7