Felt Safety, Taught by a Dog

Dr. Karyn Purvis, the pioneer behind Trust Based Relational Intervention, talks a lot about the importance of "felt safety." Children from hard places: trauma, abuse, neglect, have survived because their brains have adapted to highly dangerous situations. That adaptation may have saved their lives, but it makes transitioning to a stable, secure situation difficult. Having once escaped a man-eating tiger, they will be constantly watching for more tigers. And saying to them, "there are no more tigers" doesn't work.

Dr. Purvis, therefore, stresses the need for adoptive and foster parents to build environments and routines that communicate safety in ways children can understand, even when the more advanced sections of the brain (like those that process language) have been shut down by the fight or flight fear response. For example, a child who did not get enough food as an infant will have that primal starvation fear hardwired into her brain. She may become obsessive about food--hoarding, stealing, or overconsuming it. Dr. Purvis advises a daily schedule in which the child is fed every two hours (like a newborn) so that all five senses get the message, six times a day, that she is not starving.

Felt safety is a huge catalyst for intellectual and emotional development. Once the fight or flight sector has been soothed, the more advanced areas of the brain can perk up. Language skills jump, imaginative play emerges, and empathic connections begin to appear. All the things we can do with our brain when we are not running for our lives come back online.

As adults, it is not always possible to communicate felt safety as thoroughly as kids from hard places need. But dogs, good dogs, often can. Here is a great (though long) article about a service dog and an adopted boy. It is worth the read.

It is highly unlikely that you will find a miraculous Lassie who heals your child's heart, grooms its own flowing white coat, and saves Granpa's barn from fire. But a good dog can help your child feel safe. And then you just might experience a few more giggles, a few more uninterrupted nights of sleep, a few more tantrum-free days.

You will also have a lot more mud stains on your carpet, dog hairs in your laundry, and nose prints on your furniture/windows/lap. To my mind, it's worth it.