Are You Ready? Episode One: The Car

When I was a kid, one of my favorite things in the world was going with my dad to get the car washed. It was rare one-on-one time, and to a kid with a lively imagination, a carwash becomes an underwater cave, a burrow under an avalanche, a magical cloud. I still love it—the sounds of the foam and water spraying all around, the silence of being encased in soap bubbles, the delight of driving in filthy and coming out sparkling.

When I got my first car, I was rigid about keeping it clean. No food was allowed inside, ever. One passenger stupidly allowed a few M&Ms to melt on the back seat and heard me rant about it for the next 100 miles (honestly, who keeps loose M&Ms in a backpack pocket?!). The car endured half a dozen cross country trips without anyone ever eating in it, and I even kept a stash of grocery bags to collect trash, thereby keeping the car clean and uncluttered after every outing.

If you’ve ever been inside my current car, you do not believe a word of that paragraph above. But it’s true! I kept my car, if not spotless, then certainly empty and clutter free. And then I got a dog. A dog who left hairs on the seats, nose prints on the windows, and dirt basically everywhere. On one memorable drive, he was in a crate in the backseat and I took a turn a bit too sharply. The crate tipped over, he threw up, and I almost had a heart attack before pulling over and surveying the impressive amount of mess.

Getting a grown up job also had a negative impact on my car’s cleanliness. In grad school, I had a backpack that held everything I needed, and it was easy to shift everything into and out of the car, especially since I only used it a few times a week. Suddenly commuting to a full-time office job every day meant I had a lot more to carry and a lot less energy to carry it (my apartment was three floors up with no elevator). And so, over time, my car became more and more of a catchall and I became less and less bothered by it.

Twice this week I got phone calls which could have meant there would be a kid in my home within 24 hours. One was for a foster placement and one was for respite. Neither went through, but it was a good test for me. As I waited the five to ten minutes between calls from my caseworker, my brain did a rapid readiness inventory. My house is ready. My schedule can be made ready. My kitchen is one grocery store trip away from being ready. There are several nonessential projects I would love to have completed by the time I get a kiddo, but none of them would impact the child at all. But my car? Oh my goodness, not ready!!

So I just spent the past almost two hours cleaning out the inside of my car. Two hours. For just the inside. That should give you a clue to how gross it was in there. I filled a bag of trash and most of a vacuum container. I uttered an astonished “Eww!” about forty times, the loudest when I discovered that the “aged leather” color of the steering wheel was in fact just dirt [shudder]. And, for your entertainment, here are some of the more humorous items unearthed in the great excavation.

Multi-colored paperclips. So many multi-colored paperclips.
One pair of cowboy boots and a pair of high heels. I haven’t worn either since 2007.
One large hiking stick.
Every assignment I ever had in college, separated by year.
Two full sets of children’s blocks.
Three bath towels, one of which isn’t even mine.
Ten books. Ten. Half of them hardbacks.
Three dog toys and two leashes.
One massive automotive emergency kit (thanks to my awesome brother-in-law).
Two winter coats, neither of which I have worn in at least a month.
Two Swiss army knives and two flashlights, only one of which worked.
A one-pound hand weight (thanks Angie!).
Several tubs of makeup powder, complete with brushes. (I don’t actually wear powder)
And a contraption which I discovered, after launching some into the air and inhaling it, contained pepper spray. Ouch.

Now that the car has been purged of all this (and more!), it is lovely and clean. Next up, I’ll be assembling a kid-oriented car kit. I’ll post the contents when it’s finished. Ideas welcome!