God’s Adoption of Israel
The Old Testament contains examples of, instructions for, and rebukes about the care of orphans. But the biggest indicator of God’s heart for adoption is in the language He uses to describe His adoption of the nation of Israel. In Deuteronomy 7:6, He declares that He has chosen Israel out of all the other nations on earth. In Psalm 89:26-27, He foretells, “‘He will cry to Me, ‘You are my Father, My God, and the rock of my salvation.’ ‘I also shall make him My firstborn.’” In Jeremiah 3:19 He again repeats, “Then I said, ‘How I would set you among My sons And give you a pleasant land, The most beautiful inheritance of the nations!’ And I said, 'You shall call Me, My Father, And not turn away from following Me.’”
In Hosea 11:1 the metaphor goes even further: “When Israel was a youth I loved him, And out of Egypt I called My son.” He goes on to speak of guiding the nation through its first steps, a loving description that reveals the deep paternal care God has for His people. “Yet it is I who taught Ephraim to walk…"(Hosea 11:3)
“By conceiving this relationship as adoption, God’s election of Israel, his beloved son, was emphasized. This, in turn, distinguished Israel as the people chosen by God over all other nations, and as the recipient of a desirable land for all generations of God’s bet-’ab [family] to enjoy. By identifying Israel as God’s child, the biblical writers wrote Israel into a sense of legitimacy, recognition, and inalienable inheritance.”1
Adoption is the hallmark of Israel’s identity; they are the ‘chosen people.’ Yet more importantly, it is a defining aspect of God. He seeks out the lost, the weak, and the defenseless. “I took them in My arms; But they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of a man, with bonds of love, And I became to them as one who lifts the yoke from their jaws; And I bent down and fed them.” (Hosea 11:3-4)
God is the loving Father who adopts His people, giving them an inheritance and a sustaining relationship. The Old Testament testifies to this again and again. And it is this loving Father who will send them His own Son, not to disinherit His adopted people, but to ensure their inheritance eternally.
__________________________________________
1. Janet L. R. Melnyk, “When Israel Was a Child: Ancient Near Eastern Adoption Formulas and the Relationship between God and Israel,” in History and Interpretation: Essays in Honor of John H. Hayes, ed. M. Patrick Graham, William P. Brown, and Jeffrey K. Kuan, Journal for the Study of the Old Testament Supplement Series 173 (Sheffield: Sheffield Academic Press, 1993), 259.
July 31, 2011
July 30, 2011
A Theology of Adoption, Part Four
God’s Instructions for Orphan Care
The Old Testament contains thirty-five direct commands or rebukes from God concerning the care His people are to take of orphans. In these instances, the term ‘orphans’ means simply ‘fatherless,’ and thus includes children whose mothers are still living and capable of caring for their basic relational needs.
“The word [in Hebrew] does not strictly mean ‘orphan,’ but rather ‘fatherless,’ ‘bereft,’ and has in view the OT concept that a person was without legal standing if not incorporated into the covenant by circumcision or represented by the kinsman-redeemer. Fatherless children of both sexes were to be provided with special three-year tithes. A further provision was the special plots of ‘gleanings’ left in fields for such individuals (Deut 14:29; et al.) The OT repeatedly pleads the case of the two non-conventional states, the widow and the fatherless (Exod 22:22).”1
God’s insistence that His people should care for orphans commands one more distinctive behavior; the practice sets Israel apart from its surrounding nations. The main difference between other Ancient Near Eastern cultures and Israel in the approach to orphan care is the question of who primarily benefits from the arrangement. In the surrounding cultures, the adoptive parents were the ones who sought and benefitted from adoption. In Israel, the concern is to benefit the child, while those who provide for him/her are in fact required to sacrifice their own profit for the child’s welfare. “All parts of Israel’s text attest to this primal obligation that the powerful and monied are mandated to utilize their capacity and their resources to create protected space for children other than our own who are defenseless. This mandate is a part of the distinctiveness of the Torah tradition of Israel and thus part of Israel’s peculiar identity.”2
There is no way of knowing how many orphans and widows the community would be called upon to support, but there must have been a substantial number in order to necessitate so many laws and provisions for this particular population. There are twelve commands concerning orphan care in Deuteronomy alone. There is only one verse in Deuteronomy prohibiting murder, yet we are careful to keep that command! If God placed such an emphasis on orphan care, we should as well.
Orphans were a constant, and presumably significant, component of Israel's community. God repeatedly rebukes the nation for failing to care for the poor, the widows, and the orphans. In addition to this, God is often referred to as and praised for being the father to the fatherless. “It is remarkable that in the biblical text this large obligation toward children other than our own is rooted in the very character of God.”3
Ours is a God who cares for the least wanted and least protected, and He expects the same care and consideration from His chosen people.
_____________________________________________
1. William White Jr., “Orphans,” in The Zondervan Pictorial Encyclopedia of the Bible, volume 4, ed. Merrill C. Tenney, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1975), 546.
2. Walter Brueggemann, “Vulnerable Children, Divine Passion, and Human Obligation,” in The Child in the Bible, ed. Marcia J. Bunge, (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2008), 419.
3. Brueggemann, 412.
The Old Testament contains thirty-five direct commands or rebukes from God concerning the care His people are to take of orphans. In these instances, the term ‘orphans’ means simply ‘fatherless,’ and thus includes children whose mothers are still living and capable of caring for their basic relational needs.
“The word [in Hebrew] does not strictly mean ‘orphan,’ but rather ‘fatherless,’ ‘bereft,’ and has in view the OT concept that a person was without legal standing if not incorporated into the covenant by circumcision or represented by the kinsman-redeemer. Fatherless children of both sexes were to be provided with special three-year tithes. A further provision was the special plots of ‘gleanings’ left in fields for such individuals (Deut 14:29; et al.) The OT repeatedly pleads the case of the two non-conventional states, the widow and the fatherless (Exod 22:22).”1
God’s insistence that His people should care for orphans commands one more distinctive behavior; the practice sets Israel apart from its surrounding nations. The main difference between other Ancient Near Eastern cultures and Israel in the approach to orphan care is the question of who primarily benefits from the arrangement. In the surrounding cultures, the adoptive parents were the ones who sought and benefitted from adoption. In Israel, the concern is to benefit the child, while those who provide for him/her are in fact required to sacrifice their own profit for the child’s welfare. “All parts of Israel’s text attest to this primal obligation that the powerful and monied are mandated to utilize their capacity and their resources to create protected space for children other than our own who are defenseless. This mandate is a part of the distinctiveness of the Torah tradition of Israel and thus part of Israel’s peculiar identity.”2
There is no way of knowing how many orphans and widows the community would be called upon to support, but there must have been a substantial number in order to necessitate so many laws and provisions for this particular population. There are twelve commands concerning orphan care in Deuteronomy alone. There is only one verse in Deuteronomy prohibiting murder, yet we are careful to keep that command! If God placed such an emphasis on orphan care, we should as well.
Orphans were a constant, and presumably significant, component of Israel's community. God repeatedly rebukes the nation for failing to care for the poor, the widows, and the orphans. In addition to this, God is often referred to as and praised for being the father to the fatherless. “It is remarkable that in the biblical text this large obligation toward children other than our own is rooted in the very character of God.”3
Ours is a God who cares for the least wanted and least protected, and He expects the same care and consideration from His chosen people.
_____________________________________________
1. William White Jr., “Orphans,” in The Zondervan Pictorial Encyclopedia of the Bible, volume 4, ed. Merrill C. Tenney, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1975), 546.
2. Walter Brueggemann, “Vulnerable Children, Divine Passion, and Human Obligation,” in The Child in the Bible, ed. Marcia J. Bunge, (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2008), 419.
3. Brueggemann, 412.
July 27, 2011
A Theology of Adoption, Part Three
Historical Context: Adoption in Ancient Israel
If the cultures surrounding Israel practiced adoption as a mainly economic solution, how did adoption manifest in Israel? There are no written guidelines for adoption in the Old Testament; indeed there is not even a word in Hebrew that translates to adoption. But there are several examples of adoption in the Old Testament, though they vary in motivation and method. Interestingly, all of the examples in the Old Testament bear remarkable significance in the history of Israel, even though there is no section of the law defining or regulating the practice. “Thus, whether or not there were formal adoption proceedings in the world of the Old Testament, it is clear that elders took responsibility for people who were biologically the sons and daughters of other people. In the case of Moses and Esther that responsibility clearly included care and guidance; in the case of Joseph’s sons, Jacob presumably makes them not only his wards but also his heirs along with Reuben and Simeon and his other sons.”1 The identity and inheritance of two of Israel’s tribes (Ephraim and Manasseh) came about through adoption, and twice the nation was saved through the actions of Israelites who had been adopted as children.
The first example of adoption in the Old Testament, however, fits more in line with the cultural practices of the day than with any specific instruction by God. In fact, in many ways this example highlights disobedience to God, and the resulting issue of inheritance causes problems throughout Israel’s history. Abraham adopted Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in his household, in order to secure the succession of his property. He formed a similar relationship with Ishmael, his son through the surrogate of Hagar. Both of these ‘solutions’ to Sarah’s barrenness fit into the surrounding cultures’ concept of adoption. The fact that both of these men were disinherited upon the birth of Isaac also fit well within the cultural norm of adoption at that time.
Though Jacob was blessed with twelve sons, he adopted the two sons of Joseph, Ephraim and Manasseh, at the end of his life. “Now then, your two sons born to you in Egypt before I came to you here will be reckoned as mine; Ephraim and Manasseh will be mine, just as Reuben and Simeon are mine.”(Gen 48:5) In the division of property at Jacob’s death, these two adopted sons are granted more land than Joseph’s brothers: “And to you I give one more ridge of land than to your brothers.”(Gen 48:22) So even before God gives the law to the Israelites, they are using adoption in ways slightly beyond the common practices of the cultures around them.
One exceptional example of adoption in the Old Testament is the adoption of Moses by Pharaoh's daughter. Like the previous cases outlined both in other cultures and in the account in Genesis, Moses has living parents. Pharaoh has decreed “to all his people” that Hebrew boys must be thrown into the Nile to drown.(Exod 1:22) Moses’ mother keeps the child for three months, but then makes a show of following the law. Instead of throwing her son into the Nile, however, she places him carefully into a waterproof basket and places him as close to land and safety as possible, watched from a distance by her daughter.(Exod 2:3-4) Is it mere coincidence that Pharaoh's daughter happens to be bathing in the Nile? It is possible to speculate that she reacted to her father’s decree by intentionally going down to the Nile in the hopes of saving some of the doomed Hebrew babies, though the Bible makes no mention of her motivations. The fact that she sends the child to the Israelites to be nursed and cared for supports this idea, as it may not have been safe to bring a Hebrew infant directly to the palace because of her father’s decree.
Whatever her motivations in coming to the Nile, Pharaoh's daughter certainly had pity on the child and intervened to save it from death.(Exod 2:6-9) This is the first instance in the Bible where an adoption takes place in the interest of the child rather than in the interest of the adoptive parent(s). From the cultural evidence of the Ancient Near East, this focus on the needs of the child rather than the needs of the adoptive parent is rare. The education and status that this adoption gave Moses played a vital part in the role God had for him. As foster-brother to Pharaoh, Moses was able to gain access to the king with a frequency that was nothing short of miraculous, especially considering how unwelcome his requests and warnings must have been.
The other great example of adoption in the Old Testament, and the one which exemplifies the normative practice of adoption in Israelite culture, is the case of Esther and Mordecai. Again, no term translatable as ‘adoption’ is used, but the meaning is clear. “The root of the Hebrew phrase that is translated “adopted her” is laqah, and the phrase means literally ‘took her for himself.’ It is unclear whether this represents any kind of legal adoption or (perhaps more likely) a kind of foster care provided by Esther’s relative in his role as part of the extended family.”2 Esther is the first person mentioned in the Bible who is a full orphan; both of her parents are dead. “He was bringing up Hadassah, that is Esther, his uncle's daughter, for she had no father or mother. Now the young lady was beautiful of form and face, and when her father and her mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.”(Esther 2:7)
Esther and Mordecai are cousins, though there is clearly a large age difference between them. Mordecai is an established man of business, and Esther is most likely in her early teens at the time of the story. Also, the fact that he took her as his daughter, rather than as a wife, indicates that she was very young when her parents died. Since Israelite culture was built around large, extended families (whole tribes tracing their lineage back to a common ancestor), most orphans would have had a safety net of extended family to care for them. “The care of orphans was probably the responsibility of the extended family. The caregivers certainly would have included (perhaps especially) women, but there is no evidence of legal or institutional formulas by which such arrangements were formalized.”3 The fact that Mordecai alone is responsible for Esther may be a result of the fact that the story occurs during a time of captivity, and the tribes were more scattered than they had been in Israel.
The examples of adoption in the Old Testament reveal that God has nothing against the practice; indeed, two of His main instruments in saving the nation of Israel are adopted. But God is not content to leave His instructions to implication only. Tomorrow’s post will examine those instructions in greater detail.
__________________________________
1. David L. Bartlett, “Adoption in the Bible,” in The Child in the Bible, ed. Marcia J. Bunge, (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2008), 383.
2. Bartlett, 382.
3. Bartlett, 382.
If the cultures surrounding Israel practiced adoption as a mainly economic solution, how did adoption manifest in Israel? There are no written guidelines for adoption in the Old Testament; indeed there is not even a word in Hebrew that translates to adoption. But there are several examples of adoption in the Old Testament, though they vary in motivation and method. Interestingly, all of the examples in the Old Testament bear remarkable significance in the history of Israel, even though there is no section of the law defining or regulating the practice. “Thus, whether or not there were formal adoption proceedings in the world of the Old Testament, it is clear that elders took responsibility for people who were biologically the sons and daughters of other people. In the case of Moses and Esther that responsibility clearly included care and guidance; in the case of Joseph’s sons, Jacob presumably makes them not only his wards but also his heirs along with Reuben and Simeon and his other sons.”1 The identity and inheritance of two of Israel’s tribes (Ephraim and Manasseh) came about through adoption, and twice the nation was saved through the actions of Israelites who had been adopted as children.
The first example of adoption in the Old Testament, however, fits more in line with the cultural practices of the day than with any specific instruction by God. In fact, in many ways this example highlights disobedience to God, and the resulting issue of inheritance causes problems throughout Israel’s history. Abraham adopted Eliezer of Damascus, a servant in his household, in order to secure the succession of his property. He formed a similar relationship with Ishmael, his son through the surrogate of Hagar. Both of these ‘solutions’ to Sarah’s barrenness fit into the surrounding cultures’ concept of adoption. The fact that both of these men were disinherited upon the birth of Isaac also fit well within the cultural norm of adoption at that time.
Though Jacob was blessed with twelve sons, he adopted the two sons of Joseph, Ephraim and Manasseh, at the end of his life. “Now then, your two sons born to you in Egypt before I came to you here will be reckoned as mine; Ephraim and Manasseh will be mine, just as Reuben and Simeon are mine.”(Gen 48:5) In the division of property at Jacob’s death, these two adopted sons are granted more land than Joseph’s brothers: “And to you I give one more ridge of land than to your brothers.”(Gen 48:22) So even before God gives the law to the Israelites, they are using adoption in ways slightly beyond the common practices of the cultures around them.
One exceptional example of adoption in the Old Testament is the adoption of Moses by Pharaoh's daughter. Like the previous cases outlined both in other cultures and in the account in Genesis, Moses has living parents. Pharaoh has decreed “to all his people” that Hebrew boys must be thrown into the Nile to drown.(Exod 1:22) Moses’ mother keeps the child for three months, but then makes a show of following the law. Instead of throwing her son into the Nile, however, she places him carefully into a waterproof basket and places him as close to land and safety as possible, watched from a distance by her daughter.(Exod 2:3-4) Is it mere coincidence that Pharaoh's daughter happens to be bathing in the Nile? It is possible to speculate that she reacted to her father’s decree by intentionally going down to the Nile in the hopes of saving some of the doomed Hebrew babies, though the Bible makes no mention of her motivations. The fact that she sends the child to the Israelites to be nursed and cared for supports this idea, as it may not have been safe to bring a Hebrew infant directly to the palace because of her father’s decree.
Whatever her motivations in coming to the Nile, Pharaoh's daughter certainly had pity on the child and intervened to save it from death.(Exod 2:6-9) This is the first instance in the Bible where an adoption takes place in the interest of the child rather than in the interest of the adoptive parent(s). From the cultural evidence of the Ancient Near East, this focus on the needs of the child rather than the needs of the adoptive parent is rare. The education and status that this adoption gave Moses played a vital part in the role God had for him. As foster-brother to Pharaoh, Moses was able to gain access to the king with a frequency that was nothing short of miraculous, especially considering how unwelcome his requests and warnings must have been.
The other great example of adoption in the Old Testament, and the one which exemplifies the normative practice of adoption in Israelite culture, is the case of Esther and Mordecai. Again, no term translatable as ‘adoption’ is used, but the meaning is clear. “The root of the Hebrew phrase that is translated “adopted her” is laqah, and the phrase means literally ‘took her for himself.’ It is unclear whether this represents any kind of legal adoption or (perhaps more likely) a kind of foster care provided by Esther’s relative in his role as part of the extended family.”2 Esther is the first person mentioned in the Bible who is a full orphan; both of her parents are dead. “He was bringing up Hadassah, that is Esther, his uncle's daughter, for she had no father or mother. Now the young lady was beautiful of form and face, and when her father and her mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.”(Esther 2:7)
Esther and Mordecai are cousins, though there is clearly a large age difference between them. Mordecai is an established man of business, and Esther is most likely in her early teens at the time of the story. Also, the fact that he took her as his daughter, rather than as a wife, indicates that she was very young when her parents died. Since Israelite culture was built around large, extended families (whole tribes tracing their lineage back to a common ancestor), most orphans would have had a safety net of extended family to care for them. “The care of orphans was probably the responsibility of the extended family. The caregivers certainly would have included (perhaps especially) women, but there is no evidence of legal or institutional formulas by which such arrangements were formalized.”3 The fact that Mordecai alone is responsible for Esther may be a result of the fact that the story occurs during a time of captivity, and the tribes were more scattered than they had been in Israel.
The examples of adoption in the Old Testament reveal that God has nothing against the practice; indeed, two of His main instruments in saving the nation of Israel are adopted. But God is not content to leave His instructions to implication only. Tomorrow’s post will examine those instructions in greater detail.
__________________________________
1. David L. Bartlett, “Adoption in the Bible,” in The Child in the Bible, ed. Marcia J. Bunge, (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2008), 383.
2. Bartlett, 382.
3. Bartlett, 382.
July 26, 2011
A Theology of Adoption, Part Two
Historical Context: Adoption in the Ancient Near East
The main motivation behind adoption in the Ancient Near East stemmed from property rights in the case of infertility. The concern, then, was not with the reality of fatherless children but with the problem of childless fathers.1 High infant mortality rates, combined with extended family units (the clan being the normative community) resulted in fewer numbers of what we would today consider ‘orphans.’2 There were cases of couples adopting children, though, and even rare instances of infant adoption. In many cases, one spouse would legally adopt the child of the other spouse, such as Sarah facilitating the birth of Ishmael, or Rachel considering Bilhah’s children as her own.(Gen 30:3). But for the most part, adoption was an economic transaction between adults. The majority of adoption cases involved childless couples adopting adult males who most likely had living biological parents.3
Adoption in the Ancient Near East served, therefore, not to help abandoned children, but to secure the passing on of property and the care of elderly couples who had no children to take responsibility for them. This is evident from ancient adoption contracts: “Usually the adoptee stands to receive property through inheritance, while the adopter may receive an adoption payment...the text may describe the monthly and annual rations which are to be delivered by the adoptee to support his new father until his death.”4 Ancient adoption was, in fact, so tied to property concerns that an adopted son would lose rights to the property if a natural son were born to the adoptive couple. A biblical example of this lies in the stories of Eliezer of Damascus and Ishmael, who both lost their rights to Abraham’s property after the birth of Isaac.(Gen 15:2; 21:10)
Most adoptions in the Ancient Near East were of adults in order to secure succession of property. Yet there were certainly ‘unwanted’ babies and children orphaned by disease or warfare that today would be candidates for adoption. In ancient society, however, the most common practice to deal with such children was either exposure (unwanted babies were often simply abandoned to the elements to die)5 or ‘adoption’ into slavery or prostitution (depending on the age of the child).6 Slaves were occasionally adopted by their owners (as with Eliezer of Damascus) when the owners had no children to whom to pass inheritance.7 But again, this practice served the interests of the adopting couple rather than those of the adopted slave, and would be revoked in the case of the birth of natural children.
Tomorrow’s post will examine the ways in which Israel differed from surrounding nations in regards to adoption, and will highlight some of the biblical examples of adoption in the Old Testament.
________________________________________________________
1. Elizabeth C. Stone, “Adoption in Old Babylonian Nippur” in Adoption in Old Babylonian Nippur and the Archive of Mannum-mesu-lissur, Elizabeth C. Stone and David I. Owen, (Indiana: Eisenbrauns, 1991), 2.
2. Howard F. Vos, Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Manners and Customs, (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1999), 68.
3. Vos, 39.
4. Stone, 3.
5. Vos, 271.
6. Laura D. Steele, “Women and Gender in Babylonia” in The Babylonian World, ed. Gwendolyn Leick (New York: Routledge Press, 2007), 307.
7. Vos, 316.
The main motivation behind adoption in the Ancient Near East stemmed from property rights in the case of infertility. The concern, then, was not with the reality of fatherless children but with the problem of childless fathers.1 High infant mortality rates, combined with extended family units (the clan being the normative community) resulted in fewer numbers of what we would today consider ‘orphans.’2 There were cases of couples adopting children, though, and even rare instances of infant adoption. In many cases, one spouse would legally adopt the child of the other spouse, such as Sarah facilitating the birth of Ishmael, or Rachel considering Bilhah’s children as her own.(Gen 30:3). But for the most part, adoption was an economic transaction between adults. The majority of adoption cases involved childless couples adopting adult males who most likely had living biological parents.3
Adoption in the Ancient Near East served, therefore, not to help abandoned children, but to secure the passing on of property and the care of elderly couples who had no children to take responsibility for them. This is evident from ancient adoption contracts: “Usually the adoptee stands to receive property through inheritance, while the adopter may receive an adoption payment...the text may describe the monthly and annual rations which are to be delivered by the adoptee to support his new father until his death.”4 Ancient adoption was, in fact, so tied to property concerns that an adopted son would lose rights to the property if a natural son were born to the adoptive couple. A biblical example of this lies in the stories of Eliezer of Damascus and Ishmael, who both lost their rights to Abraham’s property after the birth of Isaac.(Gen 15:2; 21:10)
Most adoptions in the Ancient Near East were of adults in order to secure succession of property. Yet there were certainly ‘unwanted’ babies and children orphaned by disease or warfare that today would be candidates for adoption. In ancient society, however, the most common practice to deal with such children was either exposure (unwanted babies were often simply abandoned to the elements to die)5 or ‘adoption’ into slavery or prostitution (depending on the age of the child).6 Slaves were occasionally adopted by their owners (as with Eliezer of Damascus) when the owners had no children to whom to pass inheritance.7 But again, this practice served the interests of the adopting couple rather than those of the adopted slave, and would be revoked in the case of the birth of natural children.
Tomorrow’s post will examine the ways in which Israel differed from surrounding nations in regards to adoption, and will highlight some of the biblical examples of adoption in the Old Testament.
________________________________________________________
1. Elizabeth C. Stone, “Adoption in Old Babylonian Nippur” in Adoption in Old Babylonian Nippur and the Archive of Mannum-mesu-lissur, Elizabeth C. Stone and David I. Owen, (Indiana: Eisenbrauns, 1991), 2.
2. Howard F. Vos, Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Manners and Customs, (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1999), 68.
3. Vos, 39.
4. Stone, 3.
5. Vos, 271.
6. Laura D. Steele, “Women and Gender in Babylonia” in The Babylonian World, ed. Gwendolyn Leick (New York: Routledge Press, 2007), 307.
7. Vos, 316.
July 25, 2011
A Theology of Adoption, Part One
A Theology of the Family
Before sin ever entered the world, God declared that something was “not good.” “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’”(Gen 2:18) To fix this imperfection, God created Eve and made the first family. The Fall wreaked havoc with that family, and the Bible offers countless examples of the brokenness that has plagued families ever since. Yet despite its messiness, the idea of family is still precious to God. The Hebrew people defined themselves by their family lines, and the Mosaic law outlines God’s instructions for faithful family life and relationships.
The complex and intricate law laid out for the Israelites in the Pentateuch never made sense to me. I could see that the elaborate sacrificial system would help the people recognize the gravity of their sin, but I couldn’t understand why it might be relevant to Christians today, since Jesus’ death and resurrection made the Temple sacrifice structure unnecessary. Then a professor of mine explained that the laws and festivals and ordinances laid out in the Pentateuch were God’s way of safeguarding the Israelite families. Suddenly, it all made sense. God places an enormous value on family, and He went to great lengths to structure Israelite society so that familial relationships would be protected and would prosper.
The Sabbath: Living in the desert, dependent on livestock and agriculture, it is madness to take a day off every week. Such a practice was unheard of in any other culture. And the Sabbath year is so bizarre it seems like a mistranslation! What do you do for an entire year with no planting or harvesting? It would mean two years before another harvest. Setting so much time apart is simply astonishing in a survival-based reality. But, one day of no work every week ensured family time, especially between fathers and children. The Israelites were not faithful in keeping this time sacred, but the Sabbath was intended to give the family extensive time together.
Dietary laws: Again, in an ecosystem where food was scarce, drought was common, and survival was uncertain, forbidding large supplies of food seems insane. But think for a minute of the Israelite kitchens (or tent campfires). All of the elaborate rituals and rules about foods and food preparation would mean each meal would take longer to prepare than the Canaanite equivalents. Can’t you imagine the hungry children clustering around and asking their endless “why?” about each procedure and prohibition? This creates natural teaching moments in the daily life of the household, where questions about faith and behavior are asked and answered. Some foods and meals were history lessons. The Passover meal was designed to involve the children with asking questions and experiencing, with all five senses, the history of God’s deliverance of Israel.
Festivals: Families were instructed to travel to Jerusalem for the yearly festivals. What do you do on long walks? Talk, sing about God, discuss the festival, join in the festive gathering of the nation. Family life really revolved around the religious calendar in extraordinarily special ways. In one festival, Sukkot, the family would build a small house on their roof and sleep in it. What child hasn’t yearned to do just that?
The family is hugely important to God. The most scathing pronouncements that God ever has for Israel concern their participation in the mistreatment of children, especially orphans. God is constantly concerned for those who have no families; the Old Testament contains thirty-five direct commands or rebukes from God concerning the care His people are to take of orphans. Tomorrow’s post will address these commands and rebukes in greater detail.
Before sin ever entered the world, God declared that something was “not good.” “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’”(Gen 2:18) To fix this imperfection, God created Eve and made the first family. The Fall wreaked havoc with that family, and the Bible offers countless examples of the brokenness that has plagued families ever since. Yet despite its messiness, the idea of family is still precious to God. The Hebrew people defined themselves by their family lines, and the Mosaic law outlines God’s instructions for faithful family life and relationships.
The complex and intricate law laid out for the Israelites in the Pentateuch never made sense to me. I could see that the elaborate sacrificial system would help the people recognize the gravity of their sin, but I couldn’t understand why it might be relevant to Christians today, since Jesus’ death and resurrection made the Temple sacrifice structure unnecessary. Then a professor of mine explained that the laws and festivals and ordinances laid out in the Pentateuch were God’s way of safeguarding the Israelite families. Suddenly, it all made sense. God places an enormous value on family, and He went to great lengths to structure Israelite society so that familial relationships would be protected and would prosper.
The Sabbath: Living in the desert, dependent on livestock and agriculture, it is madness to take a day off every week. Such a practice was unheard of in any other culture. And the Sabbath year is so bizarre it seems like a mistranslation! What do you do for an entire year with no planting or harvesting? It would mean two years before another harvest. Setting so much time apart is simply astonishing in a survival-based reality. But, one day of no work every week ensured family time, especially between fathers and children. The Israelites were not faithful in keeping this time sacred, but the Sabbath was intended to give the family extensive time together.
Dietary laws: Again, in an ecosystem where food was scarce, drought was common, and survival was uncertain, forbidding large supplies of food seems insane. But think for a minute of the Israelite kitchens (or tent campfires). All of the elaborate rituals and rules about foods and food preparation would mean each meal would take longer to prepare than the Canaanite equivalents. Can’t you imagine the hungry children clustering around and asking their endless “why?” about each procedure and prohibition? This creates natural teaching moments in the daily life of the household, where questions about faith and behavior are asked and answered. Some foods and meals were history lessons. The Passover meal was designed to involve the children with asking questions and experiencing, with all five senses, the history of God’s deliverance of Israel.
Festivals: Families were instructed to travel to Jerusalem for the yearly festivals. What do you do on long walks? Talk, sing about God, discuss the festival, join in the festive gathering of the nation. Family life really revolved around the religious calendar in extraordinarily special ways. In one festival, Sukkot, the family would build a small house on their roof and sleep in it. What child hasn’t yearned to do just that?
The family is hugely important to God. The most scathing pronouncements that God ever has for Israel concern their participation in the mistreatment of children, especially orphans. God is constantly concerned for those who have no families; the Old Testament contains thirty-five direct commands or rebukes from God concerning the care His people are to take of orphans. Tomorrow’s post will address these commands and rebukes in greater detail.
July 23, 2011
It is Well with My Soul
Two veterinarians and a pathology lab at Texas A&M told me that my dog has 2-8 months left to live. It was crushing news, especially since Devo seems to be healing well here at home. He is eating, walking, and even playing (gently) with his beloved rubber chicken. Just as my spirits were lifting at his increased appetite and energy, I got the death sentence phone call. It was a bad afternoon in what has been the worst week of my life.
But these two things I know, down to the very core of my soul. 1. God is All-Powerful and All-Loving. If it is His will to heal Devo, He absolutely will. 2. If Devo dies, there will come a day when his death will make perfect sense to me, and I won’t be angry and I won’t be sad. It may not happen during my lifetime, but I know that when I meet Jesus, it will all make sense, so much sense that I will praise Him. And so I can sing, It is Well with My Soul.
It is not well with my heart. My heart does not feel like it is breaking; it feels like it is being crushed. It has been in this crushing process for several months now, really for about as long as I have known I want to dedicate my life to orphan care. And because I know God’s goodness, I believe this crushing is for my good and for God’s glory. If my coal black lump of a heart needs to be crushed to make it purer and brighter, then I submit. I sob and plead, but I submit.
Often God ministers to me by calling to mind a hymn that runs through my head. I took a long walk after that phone call, and found myself humming It is Well with My Soul. It has helped me keep this potential tragedy in perspective—I have been tremendously blessed in my life, and a dying pet is really a very small tragedy in the list of potential life tragedies. The author of this hymn, for example, lost his fortune, his young son, and then all four of his daughters in rapid succession. (From a great book about the stories behind 150 hymns: Then Sings My Soul, by Robert Morgan) I am comforted by the fact that he was able to write such faithful words in the face of sweeping tragedy. Mostly, I am comforted by the truth this hymn so eloquently states. Our sins have been paid for; our sorrows are brief; we will spend eternity discovering the infinite depths of God’s love for us. Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
But these two things I know, down to the very core of my soul. 1. God is All-Powerful and All-Loving. If it is His will to heal Devo, He absolutely will. 2. If Devo dies, there will come a day when his death will make perfect sense to me, and I won’t be angry and I won’t be sad. It may not happen during my lifetime, but I know that when I meet Jesus, it will all make sense, so much sense that I will praise Him. And so I can sing, It is Well with My Soul.
It is not well with my heart. My heart does not feel like it is breaking; it feels like it is being crushed. It has been in this crushing process for several months now, really for about as long as I have known I want to dedicate my life to orphan care. And because I know God’s goodness, I believe this crushing is for my good and for God’s glory. If my coal black lump of a heart needs to be crushed to make it purer and brighter, then I submit. I sob and plead, but I submit.
Often God ministers to me by calling to mind a hymn that runs through my head. I took a long walk after that phone call, and found myself humming It is Well with My Soul. It has helped me keep this potential tragedy in perspective—I have been tremendously blessed in my life, and a dying pet is really a very small tragedy in the list of potential life tragedies. The author of this hymn, for example, lost his fortune, his young son, and then all four of his daughters in rapid succession. (From a great book about the stories behind 150 hymns: Then Sings My Soul, by Robert Morgan) I am comforted by the fact that he was able to write such faithful words in the face of sweeping tragedy. Mostly, I am comforted by the truth this hymn so eloquently states. Our sins have been paid for; our sorrows are brief; we will spend eternity discovering the infinite depths of God’s love for us. Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
July 22, 2011
What is TBRI®?
I realized that I have written about the training, but never defined what TBRI® actually is. Here is the explanation from the TCU website.
“Developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross at the TCU Institute of Child Development, Trust-Based Relational Interventions® (TBRI®) is an emerging intervention model for a wide range of childhood behavioral problems. It has been applied successfully in a variety of contexts, and with many children for whom numerous other interventions have failed (e.g., medications, cognitive-behavioral therapies.) TBRI® is based on a solid foundation of neuropsychological theory and research, tempered by humanitarian principles. It is a family-based intervention that is designed for children who have experienced relationship-based traumas such as institutionalization, multiple foster placements, maltreatment, and/or neglect. For the past ten years, Drs. Purvis and Cross have been implementing and evaluating TBRI® , and their strategies have proven extremely effective in creating healing environments for children who have come from “hard places.””
“Developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross at the TCU Institute of Child Development, Trust-Based Relational Interventions® (TBRI®) is an emerging intervention model for a wide range of childhood behavioral problems. It has been applied successfully in a variety of contexts, and with many children for whom numerous other interventions have failed (e.g., medications, cognitive-behavioral therapies.) TBRI® is based on a solid foundation of neuropsychological theory and research, tempered by humanitarian principles. It is a family-based intervention that is designed for children who have experienced relationship-based traumas such as institutionalization, multiple foster placements, maltreatment, and/or neglect. For the past ten years, Drs. Purvis and Cross have been implementing and evaluating TBRI® , and their strategies have proven extremely effective in creating healing environments for children who have come from “hard places.””
July 21, 2011
Healing Touch
My dog is home. Hallelujah! They wanted to keep him at the vet’s longer, but I had stood all I could stand of his not being home. He looks awful and probably feels worse, but he is slowly eating again, for the first time in over a week. A million choruses of praise and thanks to God.
As you may have guessed, I am very attached to my dog. I’m not one of those people who thinks of my dog as my child, and I know the bond between us is not the same as the bond between parent and child or sibling and sibling. But we are a very close-knit pack of two. I’ve had him since he was six weeks old (he’s now seven), and we have a very “Mary Had a Little Lamb” relationship. I take him with me whenever I possibly can; he went to work with me every day for years. I rarely go out of town and leave him behind, and when I do he stays at my parents’ house, which is doggie paradise. Basically, to say that we are joined at the hip would not be overstating the case. And this week, he has faced trauma after trauma, much of it while not knowing where I was.
So how did I reassure this wounded, exhausted, traumatized dog? I used one of the cornerstones of TBRI-- healing touch. There is amazing research out there on the benefits of infant massage (especially for preemies and NICU patients) and on the benefit of massage for elderly people (especially Alzheimer’s patients). I’m pretty sure you can find similar research on canine massage (I just googled it, and it turns out you can go to school to become a canine masseuse…hmmm). I didn’t go that fancy, though.
I brought Devo home just before three this afternoon. And since walking through the door, I have had a hand on him the entire time (well, except for right now, obviously). For some of the time, I was petting him, but for most of the time I just had a hand or my whole arm against his back or under his head. He was asleep for 95% of that time, but I believe that the simple sensation of my flesh and pulse against his was soothing and reassuring.
I believe this kind of safe, soothing touch is powerful in reassuring a traumatized dog. I believe it is even more powerful in reassuring traumatized children. The Institute for Child Development at TCU, where Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross developed TBRI, has an entire DVD on Healthy Touch (available here). I strongly encourage you to invest in this resource if you serve children from hard places.
And Jesus came to them and touched them and said, “Get up, and do not be afraid.” Matthew 17:7
As you may have guessed, I am very attached to my dog. I’m not one of those people who thinks of my dog as my child, and I know the bond between us is not the same as the bond between parent and child or sibling and sibling. But we are a very close-knit pack of two. I’ve had him since he was six weeks old (he’s now seven), and we have a very “Mary Had a Little Lamb” relationship. I take him with me whenever I possibly can; he went to work with me every day for years. I rarely go out of town and leave him behind, and when I do he stays at my parents’ house, which is doggie paradise. Basically, to say that we are joined at the hip would not be overstating the case. And this week, he has faced trauma after trauma, much of it while not knowing where I was.
So how did I reassure this wounded, exhausted, traumatized dog? I used one of the cornerstones of TBRI-- healing touch. There is amazing research out there on the benefits of infant massage (especially for preemies and NICU patients) and on the benefit of massage for elderly people (especially Alzheimer’s patients). I’m pretty sure you can find similar research on canine massage (I just googled it, and it turns out you can go to school to become a canine masseuse…hmmm). I didn’t go that fancy, though.
I brought Devo home just before three this afternoon. And since walking through the door, I have had a hand on him the entire time (well, except for right now, obviously). For some of the time, I was petting him, but for most of the time I just had a hand or my whole arm against his back or under his head. He was asleep for 95% of that time, but I believe that the simple sensation of my flesh and pulse against his was soothing and reassuring.
I believe this kind of safe, soothing touch is powerful in reassuring a traumatized dog. I believe it is even more powerful in reassuring traumatized children. The Institute for Child Development at TCU, where Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross developed TBRI, has an entire DVD on Healthy Touch (available here). I strongly encourage you to invest in this resource if you serve children from hard places.
And Jesus came to them and touched them and said, “Get up, and do not be afraid.” Matthew 17:7
July 20, 2011
Great Webinar Today!
The Christian Alliance for Orphans is hosting a webinar today from 1:00-2:30pm (Central Standard Time) entitled The Basics of Starting and Growing a Church Foster Care Ministry. All Christians are commanded to "visit the orphans in their distress," and there are countless ways that every Christian can care for and support foster children and foster families. Tune in to this webinar to get some great ideas!
Visit this website to register for the webinar.
July 19, 2011
On Fear
Devo survived his surgery this morning, and even better, the vet found no sign of the fatal kidney cancer that he expected. Unceasing praise to God!! I doubt any dog has ever been as fervently prayed for as Devo has been over the past few days. We are in for a long and difficult recovery, but there is hope.
In His infinite grace, God gives us lessons in our distress. One thing He has had me thinking about today is the experience of fear. We talked a great deal in TBRI training about the effect of fear on children from hard places. Specifically, we looked at the neurochemistry that results from early terror. Intellectually fascinated, I read and listened and thought about the profoundly destructive effect that fear has on the brains and bodies of these children. I thought I understood.
Then today, when the vet called with good news, it felt like someone had rebooted my brain. Since last Thursday, when Devo first became sick, I haven’t been able to sleep, haven’t been able to eat, haven’t been able to concentrate. I’ve been frozen, watching him with hyper vigilance. I’ve been restless, snappish, withdrawn. Soon after that telephone call from the vet, I found myself ravenous, exhausted, and suddenly able to reflect on the experience and think creatively through various projects.
Keep in mind, I’m a fully grown woman with a fairly trauma-free life. My world is comfortably predictable, and I am well-equipped to handle occasional challenges. And my fear stemmed not from concern over my own survival, but from the illness of a dog (a very much beloved dog, but still). All these tools in my belt, plus the most powerful tool of God’s presence and my faith in Christ, and I was paralyzed by fear.
Now think about the children whose every breath has been taken in a world of cruelty and chaos, who have rarely been (and have never felt) safe, whose basic survival has been in constant jeopardy. If I was queasy, sleep-deprived, and unable to concentrate with just the fear of losing my dog, how much worse must it be for these precious children? And yet we ask them to pay attention in school, to bond immediately with strangers, and to basically “get over it” because we say they are safe and we love them. It breaks my heart.
I have not enjoyed these past six days. But I thank and praise God for the healing He is pouring out on Devo and for the strength and presence He has given me. And, much as I hated the method of the lesson, I thank Him for giving me just a glimpse into the experience of fear that children from hard places battle with every breath. My compassion for their pain has deepened in a way I was too arrogant to realize it needed to.
Pray for these children. Fight for these children. Use TBRI to disarm their crippling fear and teach them they are safe and adored.
I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make its boast in the LORD; the humble will hear it and rejoice. O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together. I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:1-4
In His infinite grace, God gives us lessons in our distress. One thing He has had me thinking about today is the experience of fear. We talked a great deal in TBRI training about the effect of fear on children from hard places. Specifically, we looked at the neurochemistry that results from early terror. Intellectually fascinated, I read and listened and thought about the profoundly destructive effect that fear has on the brains and bodies of these children. I thought I understood.
Then today, when the vet called with good news, it felt like someone had rebooted my brain. Since last Thursday, when Devo first became sick, I haven’t been able to sleep, haven’t been able to eat, haven’t been able to concentrate. I’ve been frozen, watching him with hyper vigilance. I’ve been restless, snappish, withdrawn. Soon after that telephone call from the vet, I found myself ravenous, exhausted, and suddenly able to reflect on the experience and think creatively through various projects.
Keep in mind, I’m a fully grown woman with a fairly trauma-free life. My world is comfortably predictable, and I am well-equipped to handle occasional challenges. And my fear stemmed not from concern over my own survival, but from the illness of a dog (a very much beloved dog, but still). All these tools in my belt, plus the most powerful tool of God’s presence and my faith in Christ, and I was paralyzed by fear.
Now think about the children whose every breath has been taken in a world of cruelty and chaos, who have rarely been (and have never felt) safe, whose basic survival has been in constant jeopardy. If I was queasy, sleep-deprived, and unable to concentrate with just the fear of losing my dog, how much worse must it be for these precious children? And yet we ask them to pay attention in school, to bond immediately with strangers, and to basically “get over it” because we say they are safe and we love them. It breaks my heart.
I have not enjoyed these past six days. But I thank and praise God for the healing He is pouring out on Devo and for the strength and presence He has given me. And, much as I hated the method of the lesson, I thank Him for giving me just a glimpse into the experience of fear that children from hard places battle with every breath. My compassion for their pain has deepened in a way I was too arrogant to realize it needed to.
Pray for these children. Fight for these children. Use TBRI to disarm their crippling fear and teach them they are safe and adored.
I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make its boast in the LORD; the humble will hear it and rejoice. O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together. I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:1-4
July 18, 2011
Waiting and Worrying
Since Friday, the situation with my dog, Devo, has gotten a lot more serious. He is at the vet’s now, and is scheduled for surgery first thing tomorrow morning. And the vet, who is painfully pessimistic by nature, warned me that Devo might not make it through the surgery. And so I am waiting and worrying (with a fair amount of weeping, to be honest).
What do we do in times of terror, pain, and sadness? Prayer. Constant, desperate, pleading prayer. A few months ago I was going through a similarly painful situation, and I discovered, to my surprise, that praise was even more effective than prayer (not that they are mutually exclusive). Last night at church (The Austin Stone), we sang a song that I keep singing to myself today as I worry. It’s by Hillsong United, and I’ve pasted the lyrics below for anyone else who is in a period of waiting and worry.
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign.
Also, in this time of waiting and worry, God is reminding me of all the children who are waiting for parents and all the parents who are waiting for children. I think of them and pray for their pain as I try to suffer well through my smaller pain. And for those of us who are not waiting for family members at the moment, I encourage all of us to think of the waiting times in our lives as a reminder to pray for those who wait, that they would feel God’s strength and peace surround them.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:13-14
What do we do in times of terror, pain, and sadness? Prayer. Constant, desperate, pleading prayer. A few months ago I was going through a similarly painful situation, and I discovered, to my surprise, that praise was even more effective than prayer (not that they are mutually exclusive). Last night at church (The Austin Stone), we sang a song that I keep singing to myself today as I worry. It’s by Hillsong United, and I’ve pasted the lyrics below for anyone else who is in a period of waiting and worry.
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign
You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go
Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign.
Also, in this time of waiting and worry, God is reminding me of all the children who are waiting for parents and all the parents who are waiting for children. I think of them and pray for their pain as I try to suffer well through my smaller pain. And for those of us who are not waiting for family members at the moment, I encourage all of us to think of the waiting times in our lives as a reminder to pray for those who wait, that they would feel God’s strength and peace surround them.
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:13-14
July 15, 2011
Parents are Heroes
I am not a worrier by nature. I like to plan, but I’m also flexible, easy-going, and generally an optimist. Most of the time, I am deeply convinced that God is sovereign and in control and fully worthy of all my trust. Every now and then, however, life steps in and reminds me that I can worry with the best of them and that my abounding trust in God’s goodness is often based more on circumstances than on certainty.
Last night, I lay awake in the dark for hours, straining my ears to catch the slightest hint of a whimper from the crate beside my bed. My dog, Devo, was sick yesterday and was refusing food and water for the first time in his life. He is a dog. Dogs throw up. He is in extremely good health and is (perhaps excessively) cared for. He wasn’t bleeding or wounded in any way, he just didn’t eat for a day. And it sent me into an absolute panic of hyper vigilance and an eventual trip to the emergency vet.
It occurred to me, lying in the dark, that my fear for the life of this dog was almost overwhelming. And I am not a fussy, fearful person. Then I thought of all the parents and caregivers who lie in bed each night straining their ears for a disruption of breath, the faint whimper of a nightmare, a rustle of sheets from an overheated sleeper. And I thought—parents are heroes.
I cannot imagine sustaining last night’s level of watchfulness and worry night after night. The apostle John writes “there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) In context, it is clear he is saying those who love Christ need not fear eternal judgment for their sins. But in our human relationships (and even our canine ones), the more we love, the more we fear. God is sovereign. God is good. Let there be no doubt about that. As Romans 8:28 declares, “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God.” There is tremendous comfort in this promise of our eternal good, our eternal security. But it is no guard against earthly tragedy. And so we fear.
As we adore the children who come into our lives, we feel their every hurt, try to fix their every sniffle, bandage every scrape. For all of you who love children who are already wounded, this burden is even greater. The thought of any further harm coming to them is unbearable; they have experienced far more pain than any child ever should. And so to all who take up this burden, this love that carries terror, I applaud your courage, your dedication, your vigilance. You are heroes.
Shout for joy, O heavens! And rejoice, O earth! Break forth into joyful shouting, O mountains! For the LORD has comforted His people and will have compassion on His afflicted.” Isaiah 49:13
Last night, I lay awake in the dark for hours, straining my ears to catch the slightest hint of a whimper from the crate beside my bed. My dog, Devo, was sick yesterday and was refusing food and water for the first time in his life. He is a dog. Dogs throw up. He is in extremely good health and is (perhaps excessively) cared for. He wasn’t bleeding or wounded in any way, he just didn’t eat for a day. And it sent me into an absolute panic of hyper vigilance and an eventual trip to the emergency vet.
It occurred to me, lying in the dark, that my fear for the life of this dog was almost overwhelming. And I am not a fussy, fearful person. Then I thought of all the parents and caregivers who lie in bed each night straining their ears for a disruption of breath, the faint whimper of a nightmare, a rustle of sheets from an overheated sleeper. And I thought—parents are heroes.
I cannot imagine sustaining last night’s level of watchfulness and worry night after night. The apostle John writes “there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) In context, it is clear he is saying those who love Christ need not fear eternal judgment for their sins. But in our human relationships (and even our canine ones), the more we love, the more we fear. God is sovereign. God is good. Let there be no doubt about that. As Romans 8:28 declares, “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God.” There is tremendous comfort in this promise of our eternal good, our eternal security. But it is no guard against earthly tragedy. And so we fear.
As we adore the children who come into our lives, we feel their every hurt, try to fix their every sniffle, bandage every scrape. For all of you who love children who are already wounded, this burden is even greater. The thought of any further harm coming to them is unbearable; they have experienced far more pain than any child ever should. And so to all who take up this burden, this love that carries terror, I applaud your courage, your dedication, your vigilance. You are heroes.
Shout for joy, O heavens! And rejoice, O earth! Break forth into joyful shouting, O mountains! For the LORD has comforted His people and will have compassion on His afflicted.” Isaiah 49:13
July 14, 2011
Discipline, Obedience, and TBRI
Reflections on the Trust-Based Relational Intervention Training, Part Three:
The most shocking thing I learned during the TBRI training week was that the professionals attending the training had an incredibly negative view of Christian adoptive/foster parents. The trainees came from adoption/foster care agencies and organizations across the country, but they were unanimous in their belief that Christian parents often made the worst possible adoptive/foster parents.
Now, people who call themselves “Christians” but act nothing like Christ have been doing a great deal of damage in the world for as long as Christianity has been around. But judging from the stories the TBRI trainees told, some of the Christian couples who had caused the most harm were trying their hardest to be great, godly parents. Where did they go wrong? Well, it seems that there is a portion of the Christian parent population whose parenting focus is on discipline and obedience. These are not bad things; my parents valued obedience and there was a very clear discipline structure in place, and I survived and thrived. And certainly, the number of obnoxious, ill-mannered children seems to be growing exponentially, so the impulse to teach and expect obedience is an understandable one.
Discipline and obedience are excellent values. But insisting that a child from a hard place self-regulate his behavior the same way that an untraumatized child could is like expecting a rabid dog to heel. The brain that is desperately trying to survive cannot think rationally. I cannot run from a mountain lion and do my taxes at the same time. (Let’s be honest, I can’t do my taxes even when I’m at my best!)
That being said, I would never advocate a parenting style that doesn’t teach obedience or correct inappropriate behavior. That is terrible for the children, and not really any fun for anyone. Disrespect and violence are never tolerated in TBRI. A main goal of the method is to heal the wounds that spur inappropriate behavior. Boundaries and structure are essential to helping these kids heal, and to creating calm and restorative environments and families.
Christians should not be known as being the worst at this style of loving, relationship-building correction. We should be the best. This style is God’s style. He gives us boundaries. He has a high standard of good behavior. When we treat Him or one another with disrespect or violence, He is deeply grieved. But, knowing that we are locked into destructive patterns of thought and behavior, He never turns His back on us. Instead, He sent His Son, Jesus, to walk with us and show us better thoughts, better patterns. God poured our punishment not on us, but on Jesus. He did not push us away; He brought us closer to Himself. And He gave us the Holy Spirit to continue guiding us. God’s focus is not on rules, but on relationship, for He wants our hearts to yearn to obey. Force and fear may cause temporary obedience, but obedience stems naturally out of love and a desire to please the loved one. As Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” (John 14:15)
My prayer is that Christian parents will be known not for their strict discipline, but for the abundance of their love, their grace, their mercy. If we get those right, then obedience, lasting, life-changing obedience, will follow.
The most shocking thing I learned during the TBRI training week was that the professionals attending the training had an incredibly negative view of Christian adoptive/foster parents. The trainees came from adoption/foster care agencies and organizations across the country, but they were unanimous in their belief that Christian parents often made the worst possible adoptive/foster parents.
Now, people who call themselves “Christians” but act nothing like Christ have been doing a great deal of damage in the world for as long as Christianity has been around. But judging from the stories the TBRI trainees told, some of the Christian couples who had caused the most harm were trying their hardest to be great, godly parents. Where did they go wrong? Well, it seems that there is a portion of the Christian parent population whose parenting focus is on discipline and obedience. These are not bad things; my parents valued obedience and there was a very clear discipline structure in place, and I survived and thrived. And certainly, the number of obnoxious, ill-mannered children seems to be growing exponentially, so the impulse to teach and expect obedience is an understandable one.
Discipline and obedience are excellent values. But insisting that a child from a hard place self-regulate his behavior the same way that an untraumatized child could is like expecting a rabid dog to heel. The brain that is desperately trying to survive cannot think rationally. I cannot run from a mountain lion and do my taxes at the same time. (Let’s be honest, I can’t do my taxes even when I’m at my best!)
That being said, I would never advocate a parenting style that doesn’t teach obedience or correct inappropriate behavior. That is terrible for the children, and not really any fun for anyone. Disrespect and violence are never tolerated in TBRI. A main goal of the method is to heal the wounds that spur inappropriate behavior. Boundaries and structure are essential to helping these kids heal, and to creating calm and restorative environments and families.
Christians should not be known as being the worst at this style of loving, relationship-building correction. We should be the best. This style is God’s style. He gives us boundaries. He has a high standard of good behavior. When we treat Him or one another with disrespect or violence, He is deeply grieved. But, knowing that we are locked into destructive patterns of thought and behavior, He never turns His back on us. Instead, He sent His Son, Jesus, to walk with us and show us better thoughts, better patterns. God poured our punishment not on us, but on Jesus. He did not push us away; He brought us closer to Himself. And He gave us the Holy Spirit to continue guiding us. God’s focus is not on rules, but on relationship, for He wants our hearts to yearn to obey. Force and fear may cause temporary obedience, but obedience stems naturally out of love and a desire to please the loved one. As Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” (John 14:15)
My prayer is that Christian parents will be known not for their strict discipline, but for the abundance of their love, their grace, their mercy. If we get those right, then obedience, lasting, life-changing obedience, will follow.
July 13, 2011
The Importance of Self-Care
Reflections on the Trust-Based Relational Intervention Training, Part Two:
Virginia Woolf once wrote, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” I would swap a few of those words to say “One cannot think well, love well, dine well, if one has not slept well.” This applies ten-fold to parenting using TBRI. I know I am not at my most playful, relaxed, or compassionate when I am exhausted.
The TBRI trainers spoke of an essential quality that every parent must cultivate. They called it “mindfulness;” I call it getting enough sleep. It means the ability to see behind a child’s behavioral outbursts to the real need. For example, let’s say a child responds to the news that he cannot have a snack before dinner by screaming “I hate you! You’re not my mother!” and then going on a destructive rampage. An exhausted parent may give an angry response or a tearful withdrawal, neither of which is helpful to the child, the parent, or the relationship between them. A well-rested parent, on the other hand, can see the outburst as a symptom and not the problem itself. She can remember that this child’s first memories were of not ever having enough food. She can realize that the growing brain before her is stuck in an early mode of “I am always in danger of starving,” and therefore overreacts when food is denied. The combination of a well-rested parent and TBRI sidesteps the entire tantrum. The child asks for a snack before dinner, and the mother responds by saying “Yes, you may have this snack right after dinner. Do you want to put it beside your plate or keep it in your pocket until dinner is over?” (The Connected Child, pg. 49) It is a brilliant response, but one that would be difficult to think of if you’re keeping your eyes open with caffeine and sheer determination.
God has blessed me with two nieces and a nephew who are just the most delightful children ever to grace this earth. I adore them and love being an aunt. And they think I’m pretty great too—I always have energy to play with them, I think of creative outings for us, I’m always in a good mood around them, and I’ve only yelled at them once in nine years (and that was to prevent my nephew from pitching head-first into traffic). In short, I’m a near-perfect caregiver for those three darlings. Is it because I am superwoman? Nope. It’s because I get to give them back to their parents at the end of the day, go home, take a relaxing bubble bath, and sleep as long as I want. It’s because when I take them out for the day, I have nothing else to do that day but play and have fun. That is miles away from caring for children 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with all of life’s daily grinding details to accomplish at the same time.
Chances are, if you are an adoptive or foster parent, you are exhausted. Parenting any child is exhausting, and when you add the behavioral baggage that children from hard places bring with them, the parenting workload quadruples. So what can you do? Prioritize rest. If you don’t already have an extensive support system of friends and family who can help out, begin building one. Go through your family’s schedule to winnow out all but the essential activities. Simplify as many things in your life as you possibly can. We have all let children get overtired, and have witnessed the meltdowns that result. You cannot help your child avoid a meltdown if you are close to having one yourself! So restructure your life, even if just for a few weeks, to make sure you are getting enough rest. You’ll be glad you did!
Virginia Woolf once wrote, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” I would swap a few of those words to say “One cannot think well, love well, dine well, if one has not slept well.” This applies ten-fold to parenting using TBRI. I know I am not at my most playful, relaxed, or compassionate when I am exhausted.
The TBRI trainers spoke of an essential quality that every parent must cultivate. They called it “mindfulness;” I call it getting enough sleep. It means the ability to see behind a child’s behavioral outbursts to the real need. For example, let’s say a child responds to the news that he cannot have a snack before dinner by screaming “I hate you! You’re not my mother!” and then going on a destructive rampage. An exhausted parent may give an angry response or a tearful withdrawal, neither of which is helpful to the child, the parent, or the relationship between them. A well-rested parent, on the other hand, can see the outburst as a symptom and not the problem itself. She can remember that this child’s first memories were of not ever having enough food. She can realize that the growing brain before her is stuck in an early mode of “I am always in danger of starving,” and therefore overreacts when food is denied. The combination of a well-rested parent and TBRI sidesteps the entire tantrum. The child asks for a snack before dinner, and the mother responds by saying “Yes, you may have this snack right after dinner. Do you want to put it beside your plate or keep it in your pocket until dinner is over?” (The Connected Child, pg. 49) It is a brilliant response, but one that would be difficult to think of if you’re keeping your eyes open with caffeine and sheer determination.
God has blessed me with two nieces and a nephew who are just the most delightful children ever to grace this earth. I adore them and love being an aunt. And they think I’m pretty great too—I always have energy to play with them, I think of creative outings for us, I’m always in a good mood around them, and I’ve only yelled at them once in nine years (and that was to prevent my nephew from pitching head-first into traffic). In short, I’m a near-perfect caregiver for those three darlings. Is it because I am superwoman? Nope. It’s because I get to give them back to their parents at the end of the day, go home, take a relaxing bubble bath, and sleep as long as I want. It’s because when I take them out for the day, I have nothing else to do that day but play and have fun. That is miles away from caring for children 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with all of life’s daily grinding details to accomplish at the same time.
Chances are, if you are an adoptive or foster parent, you are exhausted. Parenting any child is exhausting, and when you add the behavioral baggage that children from hard places bring with them, the parenting workload quadruples. So what can you do? Prioritize rest. If you don’t already have an extensive support system of friends and family who can help out, begin building one. Go through your family’s schedule to winnow out all but the essential activities. Simplify as many things in your life as you possibly can. We have all let children get overtired, and have witnessed the meltdowns that result. You cannot help your child avoid a meltdown if you are close to having one yourself! So restructure your life, even if just for a few weeks, to make sure you are getting enough rest. You’ll be glad you did!
July 12, 2011
Complex Science, Simple Method
Reflections on Trust-Based Relational Intervention Training, Part One:
I recently participated in a training course on Trust-Based Relational Intervention, a method for helping children “from hard places” heal. Children “from hard places” includes those who have been adopted, domestically and internationally, foster children, children with early medical trauma, or children who have experienced other traumas. TBRI was developed by Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross at TCU’s Institute of Child Development, and they have been teaching the course for the past four years.
TBRI training is intense. Homework packets mail out every two weeks, beginning in March, so all the participants have watched hours of video lectures and read reams of materials before ever stepping foot on the TCU campus. The on-site training itself is five eight-hour days of lecture and practice. Several presenters likened the flow of information to a fire hose, and it often felt like that. Much of the information was highly technical, ranging from the unique neurochemistry of kids from hard places to the psychological theories of attachment. There were graphs and charts and six syllable words galore. And all of it was fascinating, even to a science-phobe like me.
But the beauty of TBRI is that the method all of this complicated science explains is incredibly simple. Knowing the science behind it is helpful, tremendously so, but it is not necessary. Using TBRI is easy, and more than that, it’s fun. It makes interacting with children more joyful, more playful. It creates an environment in which caregivers and children are partners, not adversaries. And the rewards are instantaneous. I used it this past Sunday in a children’s ministry classroom, and got to see an upset, violent child visibly relax and smile within seconds. Implementing it consistently and long-term does take a committed investment by the caregivers; Dr. Purvis estimates a month of concentrated intervention per year of the child’s age in order to promote lasting healing. This gives enough time for the brain to literally rewire around better habits and thought processes. But the positive results come almost immediately.
I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to undergo the training, and the information I learned was invaluable. I am more fully equipped now to teach parents and caregivers how to use TBRI, and I believe it holds unlimited potential to bring healing and joy to countless families. Part of why it works so well is that it is so simple. Yes, the science behind it is complex. It connects with theology and the Gospel in so many ways that I could write a five volume set on how it displays the character of God. And to implement it, you will have to rethink a million things, many of them unconscious habits. But day to day, interaction to interaction, it is simple. It is fun. It is effective. And if there is one thing I have learned from my brief time in the world of adoption and foster care, it is that TBRI is, above all, desperately needed.
Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross (along with Wendy Sunshine) have written an excellent book for parents on how and why to use TBRI: The Connected Child.
I recently participated in a training course on Trust-Based Relational Intervention, a method for helping children “from hard places” heal. Children “from hard places” includes those who have been adopted, domestically and internationally, foster children, children with early medical trauma, or children who have experienced other traumas. TBRI was developed by Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross at TCU’s Institute of Child Development, and they have been teaching the course for the past four years.
TBRI training is intense. Homework packets mail out every two weeks, beginning in March, so all the participants have watched hours of video lectures and read reams of materials before ever stepping foot on the TCU campus. The on-site training itself is five eight-hour days of lecture and practice. Several presenters likened the flow of information to a fire hose, and it often felt like that. Much of the information was highly technical, ranging from the unique neurochemistry of kids from hard places to the psychological theories of attachment. There were graphs and charts and six syllable words galore. And all of it was fascinating, even to a science-phobe like me.
But the beauty of TBRI is that the method all of this complicated science explains is incredibly simple. Knowing the science behind it is helpful, tremendously so, but it is not necessary. Using TBRI is easy, and more than that, it’s fun. It makes interacting with children more joyful, more playful. It creates an environment in which caregivers and children are partners, not adversaries. And the rewards are instantaneous. I used it this past Sunday in a children’s ministry classroom, and got to see an upset, violent child visibly relax and smile within seconds. Implementing it consistently and long-term does take a committed investment by the caregivers; Dr. Purvis estimates a month of concentrated intervention per year of the child’s age in order to promote lasting healing. This gives enough time for the brain to literally rewire around better habits and thought processes. But the positive results come almost immediately.
I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to undergo the training, and the information I learned was invaluable. I am more fully equipped now to teach parents and caregivers how to use TBRI, and I believe it holds unlimited potential to bring healing and joy to countless families. Part of why it works so well is that it is so simple. Yes, the science behind it is complex. It connects with theology and the Gospel in so many ways that I could write a five volume set on how it displays the character of God. And to implement it, you will have to rethink a million things, many of them unconscious habits. But day to day, interaction to interaction, it is simple. It is fun. It is effective. And if there is one thing I have learned from my brief time in the world of adoption and foster care, it is that TBRI is, above all, desperately needed.
Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross (along with Wendy Sunshine) have written an excellent book for parents on how and why to use TBRI: The Connected Child.
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