Quiet Time Explained

If you read my post about the daily schedule I kept while I had a foster kiddo (for a 9 day respite care stint), then you'll be wondering what the heck "quiet time" is. It sounds fantastic, but is it real? Is it like a unicorn, a fantasy too wondrous to truly exist? Nope. It's real, people, and it's amazing.

I grew up with "quiet time," though I believe we called it "rest hour." Throughout my entire childhood, my mother designated a period of time after lunch as "rest hour" or "quiet time." I give alternate titles because I'm fairly certain it was longer than an hour most of the time. I would guess it was 90 minutes to 2 hours, but then it probably depended on just how annoying we were on a given day. In my own experience as a caregiver, it has always been between 60 and 90 minutes.

So what is it??

"Quiet time," regardless of what you call it, is a dedicated period of time (usually in the afternoon) in which everyone goes to his/her room for a set time of being alone. There are a few ground rules:

1. It is NEVER a punishment. There are times when we will dictate a longer quiet time, but we are always careful to point out that this is because of increased fatigue (for the adult or the child) and is not a consequence of behavior.
2. Parameters vary according to the child. For example, we (as kids) read or played quietly during quiet time, in our rooms, with the door shut. My foster kiddo, on the other hand, had the entire second floor to hang out in during quiet time, and could be loud (within reason).
3. Consistency is key. Quiet time exists every single day (except school days). There was no opportunity to negotiate out of a quiet time-- if gymnastics class interfered with the regular quiet time schedule, we simply pushed it back. The child could negotiate a shorter quiet time, but I always orchestrated this so that the negotiated quiet time was never less than an hour (this often required starting with a really long quiet time and letting the child ask for a "compromise" that was shorter but still within the bounds I had previously set in my mind---does that make sense?)

What is the purpose of quiet time?

For one thing, as an introverted parent, quiet time gave me the breathing space to retain my sanity and high level of loving care. When I was a kid, my mother explained that everyone must learn to be alone some of the time. She said it in a positive, non- critical/depressing/punitive way, so we never felt like quiet time was the place we went when she couldn't handle how annoying we were.

Also, you will need to adapt quiet time to the particular needs of your child. As a kid, I would read during quiet time, and often asked for more time when the allotted time was over. I am learning that this is rare behavior. =) For my foster kiddo, we (together) made sure that she had enough supplies for quiet time. I would give her lots of materials to make sure that her time could be spent in imaginative play (dress-up, teacher, rockstar, etc) without having to knock on my door. One of my nieces is possibly the most extroverted person on the planet, so when she stays with me, we have a deal that she spends half of quiet time talking (quietly) to me in my bedroom, and the other half playing or reading alone. Audio books are another great option if you have a super-extrovert.

Stick to it. As an introvert, I literally cannot function without quiet time. So it was vital that I made it part of the day. The first day, my foster kiddo popped into my room every five minutes. By the eighth day, she only came out once, and that was to slip something silently under my door. You just have to stick with it, and never treat it as punitive, and the kids will come around. I actually locked my bedroom door during one quiet time (we had gone swimming that morning, and I needed to take a shower), and it proved a turning point in our quiet time procedures. She could still talk to me if she needed to, but she couldn't see me. This worked (though I would recommend you proceed on a case-by-case basis on stuff like this). A few days later, she asked why I locked my door during quiet time. I explained that I was happy to talk to her if she needed something, but that quiet time was a time in which we needed to be separate. She understood.

Isn't the concept of "quiet time" weird?

Maybe. It certainly takes a while for extroverted children to adjust to the idea. But let's face it, no matter which personality type you have, there are going to be times in your life when you need to be okay spending time alone. I believe it is better to practice the skill of coping with those times while you are young. I also believe that parents need to guard their own sanity so that they can be the best caregivers possible for their children. For me, quiet time meets both of those goals. As long as you make sure it is not a punitive situation, this hour of the day could be the period of most growth in both you and your child.