God's Grace

Well folks, after seven days of hearing a whine fest on the same subject several times a day, I finally lost my cool today. Of course, my version of "lost my cool" was declaring we weren't going to gymnastics this afternoon and driving the fifteen minutes home in silence.

Crazily enough, it worked. The little one displayed better behavior this afternoon than she has all week (we're talking cleaned her room on her own initiative during a phenomenally peaceful quiet time). And we spent the afternoon and evening more connected than we have been all week. She even hugged me as we were leaving an activity and said "I love you" in gratitude rather than in an effort to get something.

How did this happen?

1. God is gracious and merciful.
2. I had put serious, consistent effort into being cheerful and playful all week. So when she heard my voice drop pitch and heard my short, no-nonsense words, it was so different from my usual tone that she recognized I meant business.
3. The power of compromise. I don't have the energy to recount the entire story right now (though I will try to in a later post). She still didn't get to do the thing she's been whining about all week, but we got to practice handling not getting to do it, and she aced it.
4. When it's over, it's over. This is a huge TBRI principle-- that you don't hold grudges. That is hard for me--it takes a lot to make me mad, and so I stay mad for a while. I intentionally eased myself into not mad, and that was important for her. She saw that I was mad at the behavior rather than at her, so she worked on her behavior and I gave lots of praise for her dramatic turnaround. If I'd been sulking stubbornly, I doubt she would have made the effort that she did.

I have a zero tolerance policy on whining, and today she finally "got" that. And thanks to Dr. Karyn Purvis's TBRI methods, we were able to connect far more through and after a behavioral correction than we ever would have if I had caved to the whining or ignored it. And for that, I thank God for His grace and mercy!!