It's been a long day (but a good one), so this will be a short post. I just wanted to stress the importance of a calming bedtime ritual for all kids, but particularly for kids from hard places. It's magic, and often calms the caregiver as much as the child. Here are the components of my trademark routine:
Bath. A soothing bath signals the bedtime wind-down, and helps calm that bizarre burst of energy that many kids get after dinner. You can use a soothing scented bath wash in the water (Johnson & Johnson and Aveeno both make good ones), and I always have bathtub toys available because the tub environment forces calm, seated play. Then of course there are the regular tasks of putting on jammies and brushing teeth.
Book. Story time was my favorite time of day as a kid, and has been a favorite time for every kid I've ever watched as well. In fact, the threat of losing minutes of story time can be a good incentive when you need to calm bath time hijinks. This week we've been reading Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, which I highly recommend. Something you can read a chapter a night (the parent reading out loud) is ideal. And Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle teaches manners in a delightful way that kids adore. (It's thanks to her that my current little one loves making her bed and then mine each morning)
Prayers. Pray with your kids. It makes a difference, even when you don't think it does. If you can, use it as a time to thank God for a character trait that you noticed in your child that day. For example, "Thank you God for helping Bethany remain patient while waiting her turn for the slide at the park." I also always end with the same phrase, "we love You and we trust You," because we do.
Lullaby. I'm a big proponent of lullabies. I sing "Stay Awake" from Mary Poppins, which has a hypnotically soporific effect, and which you can simply repeat if the child is still a bit wiggly after one run through. I accompany this with rhythmic tracing on the child's back (my nieces call it "back scratches," but it's a light touch) or with gentle strokes of the child's hair. If you have a child who can't tolerate light touch, you could simply hold them in a firm hug while singing, or massage their legs or shoulders slowly and firmly.
Special Arrangements. Make sure you know how your child likes the room set up for sleep, and try not to rush through the preparation. Stuffed animals, laid in their correct positions in the bed, bedside table items arrayed just so, whatever your child prefers; make sure you get the pattern down pat. One of my nieces went through a stage when she had to have a specific number of tissues on her nightstand. Know the arrangement and walk through it as patiently as you can. Somehow this is very reassuring to children. Kids from hard places may need a non-bug attracting snack and a water bottle by their bed, just to allay starvation fears. My current respite placement has never once eaten any of hers, but they are there each night just in case.
The more you can make this a predictable routine, the better. It comforts the child, creates a warm time of connection between you, and ideally helps grow their love of reading and prayer. It is easy to rush through this part of the day, eager as we all are by that point in the day to just be an adult for a little while, but try to slow down if you can and enjoy these sweet moments with your child.
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