1. Know the children first. I try never to show up at someone's house to be the sole caregiver for their children unless I know the children beforehand, even if we've only had a brief interaction. This is much less terrifying for the children, and also easier for me, as I am less likely to be surprised by behavior during the "sit."
2. Cultivate a purse of wonders. If you've ever seen Mary Poppins, you'll remember the scene when she pulls amazing, impossible things out of her drab carpetbag. It's a magical moment for the children, and I try to have a similar setup whenever possible. Specifically, I always carry gum, at least one fidget, and usually balloons, just in case. Plus, my car always has at least one toy (and at present, about 30) in the back for emergencies.
3. Abide. One of the greatest tools I have learned over the years is the simple, stunning effectiveness of just being there. This is amazing for all ages, but is particularly effective with teenagers. Just be near the children. Jump into whatever they are playing and let them guide the way. An adult without an agenda is, sadly, an unusual thing these days. If you just quietly hang out, ready to participate when invited, they will eventually respond. Tonight, for example, I sat quietly reading next to a middle-schooler playing a video game. After about 30 companionable but silent minutes, he began telling me all about the game, talking a mile a minute. I have no idea what he was talking about, but I was there, and I was genuinely interested, and that made an impact.
4. Minister to the parents. My big rule about babysitting is to leave the house cleaner than it was when I arrived. This isn't a major overhaul; it usually just means washing up all the dishes or putting away all the toys. It's not always possible--I have served in houses so immaculate there was nothing for me to clean, and I have served in houses so dirty and cluttered there was nowhere for me to start. In those situations, the best you can do is clean up whatever mess you make while you're there. But everywhere else (barring particularly exhausting behavior from the children, which has also happened), I try to leave it cleaner than it was when I came. I think of it like that camping rule--I'm there to improve the environment, not burden it. Lord knows, parents have enough to do without cleaning dishes when they return from date night! Be a darling and greet them with a clean sink.
5. Serve sacrificially. When I was a teenager, I babysat for money. I needed it, and the families I worked for could certainly afford it. Now, however, I try to do it free of charge whenever possible. That isn't always possible, and it is rarely easy. But usually, the parents who most need a night of quality childcare are also the parents least able to afford it. If I can bless a beleaguered family by tightening my own budget, then I will. I love the C.S. Lewis quotation (from Mere Christianity) about how much Christians should give: “I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusement, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our giving does not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say it is too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot because our commitment to giving excludes them.” I think that applies just as much to our talents, training, and time as it does to our dollars and cents.
6. Mix it up, but make it clear. For some reason, I am lenient with children whose parents are strict, and strict with children whose parents are lenient. I have certain base standards of behavior for all kiddos, but I do bend more for some than others. I don't necessarily have a well-researched reason for doing this, but I do, and it works. Mostly, I think I do it because over-permitted kids actually crave direction and limits, while over-rigid kids delight in a temporary expression of grace. The one essential step in making this work (both for you and for the parents later) is to be absolutely, hit-you-over-the-head-clear on what you're doing. For example, I would say to a kid with indulgent parents, "I know mommy lets you stay up until 9, but when Carly is here, we go to bed at 8:30." Or for a kid with strict parents, I would say, "I went ahead and emptied the dishwasher for you, even though I know it is your job. But I know you've had a long day, so I thought you would appreciate a break." My one caveat here is that I NEVER undermine or ignore a parent-specified or fundamental house rule. That's just bad for everyone.
7. Have FUN. Never underestimate the power of sheer silliness. One of the great joys of being a babysitter is that you can pretend to be Mary Poppins. Go on wacky adventures, sing hilarious songs, introduce ridiculous games. Don't be the bored girl popping her gum and texting her boyfriend while the kids watch TV. Get creative, tune into what excites each particular set of children, and revel in the zaniness that ensues when you don't have to be the parent, teacher, or taskmaster. The ingenuity, wonder, and side-splitting comments that will erupt from your charges are your best reward, and will be remembered much longer than any $20 bill or Starbucks gift card. =)
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