James 1:27 in Action

I found the following video through a tweet from Together for Adoption. It's a great and encouraging picture of a church with an active orphan care network. It's also a very balanced and honest witness of the joys and struggles of foster care and adoption. Check it out!

Orphan Care Stories from Woodlands Point Community Church on Vimeo.

Scripture Sunday: Psalm 119:1

The first verse of psalm 119 reads "How blessed are those whose way is blameless,
Who walk in the law of the LORD."

Back when I was a stalwart atheist, I sang these words (granted, in Latin), in my high school choir. And, to disillusion any Glee enthusiasts, when I say "high school choir," I mean the sixteen men and women from my high school who worked our butts off and sang at the White House and the Monaco Cathedral.

My absolute favorite of all the songs we sang (and there were many, all still memorized today, despite the fact that I could really use the brainspace they're occupying), was a motet entitled Beati Quorum Via by C.V. Stanford, a little known but very influential composer. The lyrics for the song are taken from Psalm 119:1, quoted above. I don't know anyone whose way is blameless, but this song makes me want to strive for blamelessness. And, as a soprano, it was an absolute delight to sing. Here is a performance of it that is good, though sung at a faster pace than ours was.

I don't have an American Idol voice. I have a high, pure, vibrato-free soprano that is, as I often joke, only good for hymns and lullabies. And while I often struggle to find my way through the alto-friendly praise and worship songs my church favors, I daily praise God for the ways He ministers to me through music.

In my current (and final!) seminary course, we are reading through the book of Psalms. And I can never separate those poems from the idea of music. They were songs, originally. We have lost the music, but they were written to be sung. And so, whenever I can find a bit of them woven into music, my heart bows down to the floor in praise and worship.

Someday, we will hear (and join with) the heavenly choirs. I am so excited for that moment! And hearing Beati makes me long for that moment. David, the author of most of the Psalms, was the man after God's own heart. (1 Samuel 13:14) Is it an accident that he was an accomplished musician? I don't think so. I think the music of heaven is going to absolutely blow our minds.

And I can't wait!

Foster Care Success Stories

It seems as though, the minute you tell people you're pursuing foster care or foster-adoption, they immediately tell you every horrible story they have ever heard (or, more likely, seen on Law & Order SVU) about foster care disasters. I can't explain this phenomenon, but I can tell you first-, second-, and third-hand that it happens. A lot. Contrast this reaction to the reaction people express to a pregnant friend. (I'm assuming most people aren't going around telling newly pregnant mothers horror stories of miscarriages, birth defects, and the like.)

If I'm being generous, I think the intention behind all of these "this child will murder you in your sleep" cautions is to potentially change the person's mind about the idea of foster care. And, granted, a pregnant woman is only rarely at the "I could still change my mind" stage. But, to be honest, by the time your friend or family member tells you she is pursuing foster care or foster adoption, her mind is already made up. Chances are, you do not get a vote in her decision. And if, somehow, you do get to weigh in with your opinion, tread lightly. We don't greet the news, "I'm thinking about taking a trip to New York" with "Don't do that; you'll die in a horrible plane crash!" So if someone says to you, "I'm thinking about fostering a child" or "I'm thinking about adopting a child from foster care" and asks you what you think, try saying something like "Gosh, I don't know much about foster care. How did you become interested in that?"

And if you want to reach rockstar status with your friend or family member, you could email them a link to an article you saw about some foster care success stories. And if you do, you'll be almost as awesome as my older sister, Beth, who emailed it to me. =)

Honestly, knowing what I am only beginning to know about the nightmare lives most of these kids have already survived, it is amazing any of them make it to eighteen without jumping off a bridge. The fact that most of them persevere, and that many of them triumph is so encouraging. As my beloved Karyn Purvis says, "I have never seen a child who could not reach significant levels of healing."

In the world of foster care, there is hurt, yes. There is horror. But there is hope and healing as well. And as Christians, we have more reason to hope and more help to heal than anyone, so shouldn't we be the first to extend that hope and healing to the most hurt among us?

But for you who fear My name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings; and you will go forth and skip about like calves from the stall. --Malachi 4:2

Babies, and Why I'm Not on Board

Don't get me wrong. I love kids. Like, a lot. They're my favorite people in the world, actually. But babies? Boring!

Yes, they're adorable. Yes, if put in charge of one, I will show him/her all the patience and love in the world. Yes, if there is one in the same room as I am in, I will make goofy faces to make him/her smile, and will totally lose focus on whatever it is everyone else is talking about. And of course, they're absolutely the future of this planet. But I have never in my life had "baby fever."

Because they're boring. Let's face it; they are. Babies eat. They sleep. They cry, and it is not often clear what they are crying about. They poop. And not in a "just flush the toilet" kind of way. I won't get into details, but there are a lot more steps involved in the cleaning process...

They don't talk. They don't play. For months, most of them don't even really move. And, p.s., they will never be as cute as this.

So for all of the people who love babies-- I am so grateful for you. You are amazing. May God bless what you do. I know several couples who are fostering, or waiting to foster, the 0-2 range of kids, and I can't even begin to express the respect and admiration I have for them and others like them.

But I ain't one of ya'.

There are so many kids in foster care available for adoption. 107,000+ in the US, to be precise. And not one of those children is an infant.

So I am grateful to the God who wired my heart to love older children. I am resting in the sovereignty of this God, the One who is guiding my children to me, whatever their ages.

I praise God for those who love the babies. And I praise God for those who love the not-babies. And I trust in God to match His children with their children. Amen and Amen.

At that time Jesus said, “I praise You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants. Yes, Father, for this way was well-pleasing in Your sight. All things have been handed over to Me by My Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father; nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal Him.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” --Matthew 11:25-30

Fantastic Article on Adoption Expectations

All children will have issues. Children who have experienced some kind of trauma, neglect, or abuse will most likely have more serious issues. And remember, trauma can occur through a stressful pregnancy, a difficult delivery, or even from a life-saving stint in the NICU. There is an assumption in the US that children adopted at birth will have fewer trauma-related issues, but that is often untrue.

That being said, children who are adopted at an older age may have more complicated behaviors resulting from that trauma. (Believe it or not, adopting a child who is older than two is considered "older child adoption.") They are survivors, and the coping strategies they have developed to survive are not always ideal. It is up to adoptive parents to help them learn that they are safe and loved. With a lot of time and prayer, teaching "felt safety" will help the children release some of these survival-based coping strategies.

For in-depth instruction on why and how to do this, read The Connected Child.

For a great quick overview of common "older child adoption" behaviors, what causes them, and ways to handle them, read this article from Adoptive Families. It's excellent, and brief enough that you can email the link to friends and family members without pressuring them to read a whole book.

Great Austin Conference!

Go here. Pay $10. Give the Holy Spirit some space to change your life, or equip you for the path ahead, or just to help you feel encouraged. Do it. February 11th. See you there!

"The 6th Annual “A Future and a Hope Adoption and Foster Care Conference” will be held on February 11, 2012 at Bannockburn Baptist Church in Austin.

This conference has served nearly 1,000 singles and couples who are exploring adoption and foster care, who are in the process of an adoption or foster training, or who are looking for continuing education. We are excited to announce that in 2012 we will have a session track for church leaders and others who are passionate about bringing a church-driven solution to Austin’s foster care system."

Steadfast

My heart is steadfast, O God;
I will sing, I will sing praises, even with my soul.
Awake, harp and lyre;
I will awaken the dawn!
I will give thanks to You, O LORD, among the peoples,
And I will sing praises to You among the nations.
For Your lovingkindness is great above the heavens,
And Your truth reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens,
And Your glory above all the earth.

Psalm 108:1-5

Miracles!

Do you ever have things that you don't even pray for because you know that they will never happen?

Turns out, I do. I know, in my head, that "The things that are impossible with people are possible with God," (Luke 18:27) but I don't pray like I believe it.

In February, I'll be attending the Empowered to Connect Conference at Irving Bible Church. I cannot say enough good things about this conference. I was over-the-moon excited when I convinced my mother to come with me. She's completely on board with the Karyn Purvis approach, but her schedule is not always her own, so it was a huge win to get her to come.

Tonight, I learned that my dad is thinking of coming as well. People, I cannot overstress how miraculously amazing this is. My dad is awesome on many levels, but I'm pretty sure he's never read, heard, or seen a sentence-worth of "parenting advice" in his life. That he would even consider attending this conference absolutely blows me away. The fact that he recognizes that my kids will need to be parented/grandparented differently than bio kids has had my jaw on the floor since I got the news.

Readers, in all my thirty-one years on this planet, I have never, ever felt so loved by my dad as I did when I heard that he might come to this conference.

It is a miracle, plain and simple. A ridiculous, unexpected, life-altering miracle.

You don't have any idea how much it stuns me. And mostly I am stunned at the realization of the enormity of God's love for these children, the unknown children He has earmarked as my kids. He wanted their grandfather to be so well prepared for them. Well prepared in a way I wasn't even audacious enough to pray for.

Wow. And HALLELUJAH!!!

Scripture Saturday: Repairers of the Breach

With so much to hope in, with such glory and perfection to look forward to, why stay one minute longer on this wretched planet? If Christ is coming to make all things new, why not run to Him right now? It is a good question, and one that comes to mind more frequently the more we are exposed to the evil and pain in this world. But, the knowledge that Christ will one day right all wrongs and will reign in a perfect Kingdom does more than make us long for that re-creation. It motivates us to work with Him to make that Kingdom more evident on the earth now. As believers, we are invited into the awesome privilege of working with God to show glimpses of His glory and His Kingdom in this broken world. Eternity will resound with justice; we are to pursue justice now. Eternity will abound with mercy; we are to extend mercy now. Eternity will be marked by goodness; we are to demonstrate the goodness of our God in all that we do.

Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
And the LORD will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell. (Isaiah 58:8-12)

Someday the streets will be made of gold. Until then, we are called to bring a glimpse of that gold into the broken streets and rotting alleyways of this world. If we focus only on the filth of these streets, without the hope of those golden ones in our hearts, we will not endure. But knowing that the shining city is coming, we can shine God’s light into the darkest, filthiest places in our own cities.

Eschatology and the Orphan Crisis

The foster care world is a world in which burnout is more common than endurance, where cynicism is more prevalent than hope, and where detachment can be an essential survival skill. Reading through the hundred case files that come into offices each month is a task that requires a strong stomach more than anything. The things that have been done to children, tiny children, by the people who are supposed to love and care for them the most are enough to make anyone want to “curse God and die.” (Job 2:9) To know that such evil exists, to such an extent, and against such innocents, is an unbearable knowledge. And if you expand out to all the orphanages in the world, to all the sex trafficking, to all the children forced into slavery or soldiering, the weight of that evil is crushing.

It is possible to serve in this area for a few years by hardening your heart, or blocking out what is unpleasant, or by cultivating a serious addiction or two to help you cope. And I understand that survival mode. But it is a temporary solution only, and will cause great damage to the soul of the one who tries it.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)

What is the alternative? How can we serve in the face of such evil and not fall prey to devastating despair? Hope.

The hope that sustains me in this work is not the secular hope of “humans are getting better.” That doesn’t last two seconds in the face of those files. It is not just the standard Christian hope of heaven either. Heaven is a glorious and comforting concept, but it is not enough. The hope that sustains is an eschatological hope, a hope based on the promises of what the end of this age and the beginning of the next will be like.

There will be justice. I do not delight in considering the punishment of evildoers, since I know I am as evil in the sight of God as any other sinner. But I do find reassurance in the knowledge that God is just, and that the wicked, the unrepentant, rebellious wicked, will be punished. The people who have tortured their own children without hesitation or remorse will someday have to answer to God for their actions. There is reassurance for me in that, in knowing that God hates evil even more than I hate it. There is reassurance and motivation for repentance, for I know my own sins grieve Him as much as the ones I see so easily in others.

There will be mercy. There is so little mercy in this world for those suffering through no fault of their own. Children starve to death, are orphaned by horrible diseases, are ignored and isolated in institutional orphanages. Millions upon millions of children have never seen mercy in their lives. But the Almighty God of the universe has demonstrated His unfailing mercy in the cross and resurrection of Christ. One day, because of that great and powerful mercy, believers will reign with Christ in a Kingdom that abounds with justice and mercy.

There will be goodness. I can’t quite wrap my head around it, but at some point in the future, believers will see God’s plan for our redemption and His glory, and we will agree with Him that it is the best. It will be so overwhelmingly good that all of the suffering and pain and evil in the world will have been not only endurable but for good. I can’t conceive of anything amazing enough to warrant so many centuries of horror, but I know that the revealed plan will be that amazing. It won’t just make sense; it will make us rejoice. It is so astounding, a whole new word has to be used to express the joy: “Hallelujah! Salvation and glory and power belong to our God.” (Rev 19:1)

There will be eternity. In a sixty year life, four years of torture is a long time. In an eternal life, that four years is the tiniest blip. Even in this life, I can no longer remember the traumas and tragedies of my earliest years. They have faded away in my memory, replaced by more recent or more singular events. I don’t know how our brains will work in our glorified bodies, but I am pretty confident we won’t feel resentment or anger or pain.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” (Rev 21:1-4)

This glorious, perfect world will be our home forever, with God Himself in our midst. That future fills me with a phenomenal hope.

The Numbers

A friend asked me today if I knew a good website that listed orphan statistics worldwide. Of course that sent me on a quest to find one. There is a lot of contention over orphan statistics. This website gives one view of the situation.

Here's the problem. UNICEF, which is the United Nations' arm tasked with protecting children, estimates the number of orphans in the world at 163 million. For some reason, they count children who still have one parent as orphans. That's kind of a useless parameter. This measuring gauge does not take into account the involvement of that surviving parent. So, for example, a child living with her biological mother would be listed as an orphan, the same as a child who has been living in an orphanage her entire life despite the fact that her biological father is still technically alive. That classification makes absolutely no sense to me.

Apparently, if you only count the children who have lost both parents, the number 'shrinks' to 13 million (still a bafflingly large number). But that, of course, doesn't take into account the massive numbers of abandoned children who may have a living parent (or even two) but are languishing in orphanages.

And, in the US, the foster care system rarely deals with textbook orphans (children who have lost both parents); it handles children of abusive or neglectful parents. Those children are not technically counted as orphans, but of course they are, in a very real sense, without parents. (For an excellent discussion of why the international orphan crisis is more dire than the US foster crisis, click here).

We can quibble about numbers and statistics all day. But here's the truth: ONE orphan in the world is too many. So whether the number is 13 million, 163 million, or somewhere in between, it is too high.

Apparently, there are 2 billion evangelical Christians in the world today. And each one of us can do something to help the orphan in his distress (James 1:27). Pray. Donate. Advocate. Go on a mission trip. Become a CASA. Babysit. Bring dinner. Adopt. Do something. You'll be glad you did!

Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. --Psalm 82:3-4

And Now for Something Completely Different...

I adore the website, www.cakewrecks.com It is a website that offers up, every day, pictures of cakes that have gone terribly, terribly wrong. It is unendingly hilarious, and I am forever grateful to my older sister, Beth, for bringing it to my attention.

The photos are not always kid-friendly (there's a helpful "NSFW" alert at the top of every post that is "not safe for work"), and there are many pastry-errors that fall into the "middle-school-boy-humor" category that I love so much. In other words, pre-screen any entries before sharing with your kids.

That being said, it is still hilarious, and often a great, playful way to teach your kids to study their spelling. The website is on boycott today to protest SOPA and PIPA (I don't know what those mean, but I think it has to do with censoring the internet--a great idea that promises to be 100% wrong-headed). But Jen, the comedic mastermind (and my long lost bff) behind Cakewrecks, posted this link on twitter. I laughed so hard I literally thought I might make myself sick.

I love old cookbooks. I love that there are 'dishes' in some of my mom's old cookbooks that make me cringe, dry-heave, and swear off various ingredients. (To be fair, many of these are relics of the misguided 'jello-mold' movement) But this cookbook takes the cake. And stomps on it. And makes it seem like three-day-old garbage you just can't look away from.

So, though it has nothing to do with adoption, enjoy this mysterious, terrifying, hilarious glimpse into American cuisine in the 1970's.

You're welcome.

And I'm sorry.

Teaching Kids About Race and Racism

Kristen Howerton, whose blog 'Rage Against the Minivan' is a favorite of mine, posted recently on constructive ways to talk to your kids about race and racism. Part of what I love about this post is that she offers book suggestions, even broken down by ages. Awesome!!

Because many adoptive families are transracial, this is a hugely important topic to discuss with your kids at all ages. But even if your family is one ethnicity instead of many, it is still important to educate your kids about history, healing, and hope. Check out the post for a great read!

But, If Not

Each year, America takes a day to celebrate and honor Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. And each year, I try to watch one of his speeches or read one of his articles on that day. Thanks to the internet, those of us born after his death can now watch him deliver those speeches and hear the power and fire of his conviction. Through a friend's posting, I stumbled upon a sermon he gave six months before his death that I hadn't read before. He is teaching on the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and the fiery furnace from Daniel 3. Specifically, he focuses on their response to the evil Babylonian king who is about to toss them into the world's hottest fire for disobeying his commands.

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18)

I encourage you to listen to the whole sermon, which can be found here on YouTube. But the concluding statement (quoted below) punched me in the ribs this morning, especially in light of the fact that King did die for what he believed. We have a long way to go to realize Dr. King's dream, but there has been significant progress because of his work. His words still inspire, convict, and challenge us today.

"I say to you this morning, that if you have never found something so dear and so precious to you that you will die for it, then you aren't fit to live. You may be 38 years old as I happen to be, and one day some great opportunity stands before you and calls upon you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause--and you refuse to do it because you are afraid; you refuse to do it because you want to live longer; you're afraid that you will lose your job, or you're afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity or you're afraid that somebody will stab you or shoot at you or bomb your house, and so you refuse to take the stand. Well you may go on and live until you are 90, but you're just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90!

And the cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit.

You died when you refused to stand up for right, you died when you refused to stand up for truth, you died when you refused to stand up for justice. These boys stand before us today, and I thank God for them, for they had found something. The fiery furnace couldn't stop them from believing. They said "Throw us into the fiery furnace." But you know the interesting thing is, the Bible talks about a miracle. Because they had faith enough to say "But if not," God was with them as an eternal companion.

And this is what I want to say finally, that there is a reward if you do right for righteousness' sake. It says that somehow that burning fiery furnace was transformed into an air-conditioned living room. Somebody looked in there and said "We put three in here, but now we see four."

Don't ever think you're by yourself. Go on to jail if necessary but you'll never go alone. Take a stand for that which is right, and the world may misunderstand you and criticize you, but you never go alone, for somewhere I read that "one with God is a majority," and God has a way of transforming a minority into a majority. Walk with Him this morning and believe in Him and do what is right and He'll be with you even until the consummation of the ages.

Yes, I've seen the lightning flash, I've heard the thunder roll, I've felt sin breakers dashing trying to conquer my soul, but I heard the voice of Jesus saying still to fight on, He promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone; no, never alone, no, never alone. He promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone. Where you going this morning, my friends, tell the world that you're going with truth. You're going with justice, you're going with goodness, and you will have an eternal companionship. And the world will look at you and they won't understand you, for your fiery furnace will be around you, but you'll go on anyhow. But if not, I will not bow.

God grant that we will never bow before the gods of evil."

--Martin Luther King Jr.
Sermon given at Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, GA
November, 1967

The Best Two Hours of My Week

Okay, enough with the "waiting-is-hard" whiny blog posts. This morning I was reminded of the good reason why waiting is hard--I love kids. Love 'em! Each Sunday, I get to spend two hours playing with and teaching about a dozen or so four year olds. It is messy, unorganized, exhausting, and my favorite two hours of every week.

Around adults, I'm super shy. I literally have a system, honed over several years, that will ensure no stranger will ever talk to me on an airplane. I can't do small talk; I never chat with people in line for things; I respond to any conversational overtures with monosyllables, bright red cheeks, and nervous giggles. But stick me in a room full of children I've never met before? I'm as comfortable and happy as can be.

Here are some highlights from this morning, just to give you a peek:

Two different kids came in the room this morning on their first visit to the church. Both were crying as they were parentally pushed into the room; both were playing happily within seconds. Win.

A brother and sister came who had been in my class only once before (sometime in July). I remembered both their names and greeted them joyfully at the door. (Thanks Holy Spirit!)

Thanks to my utter lack of hand/eye coordination, I hit one of my 'regulars' in the head with a block (a foam one). He thought it was the funniest thing that had happened all day.

We may have accidentally taught the kids that they had all just been baptized by a blue towel. (When great illustrations go wrong...) It was like the time I read my nephew a Spurgeon devotional and somehow gave him the idea that Jesus was an alien. Parents, this is why you can't leave the spiritual training of your children to a bunch of volunteers who teach them for an hour a week. Also, sorry about the towel thing. We tried to correct it during snack time, but you may have some very confused kids who exclaim "I'm being baptized!" every time you dry them off after bathtime. Oops.

I got to see a priceless look on one boy's face as he turned to me, mouth full of goldfish, and spluttered, "I swallowed my gum."

One darling girl prattled at me continuously through the morning, asking me hilariously personal questions (where do you live? how old are you? are you married?). When she asked me why I wasn't married, I said "I like to do things by myself" with a big grin. She looked at me like I had just told her I was an astronaut. It was awesome.

At the end of the teaching time, the lead teacher told the children, "find your teacher" so we could line up to leave. As the kids mobbed my legs, I exclaimed dramatically, "you found me! Oh I'm so glad!" They absolutely loved this, and I think it will become a weekly ritual.

Kids. I love them. They are so creative, so curious, so cuddly. They think it's fun to skip down a hallway making train sounds and singing out "potty train! choo choo!" And they love that I think it's fun too.

Is it any wonder that Jesus rebuked His disciples for keeping children from Him? I think we could all use more time spent teaching children and letting them teach us right back.

Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” --Matthew 19:13-14

Scripture Saturday: Psalm 27

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:13-14

So far, I have said "no" to three referrals for children, and I have heard "no" about three children. It is hard. Strangely enough, it's harder for me to say no than it is to hear no. Hearing no means that the children are matched with other parents. Saying no means I am denying them a parent. My prayer is that God will guide me in this so forcefully that Satan cannot use my decisions to attack me. But it is hard.

Years ago, when I was taking my first tentative steps toward believing in God and committing my life to Christ, I asked Him a question in the midst of a very dark night. I asked Him, "Will I ever be a mother?" I didn't hear a booming voice or get a vision with clouds and an angelic choir. But the answer was yes. I can't explain it, but it was. It didn't make sense then, but I trusted it as I've never trusted anything before or since. I trust it now.

As I have walked this road of foster adoption, I have looked back at that question and smiled at the precise wording. It was the question on my heart; I never second guessed my phrasing at the time. But now I am comforted by whatever caused me to ask, not about bearing children or having babies, but about being a mother. My firm belief is that God, knowing the plans He has for me, framed my words.

Our God is a God who keeps His promises. But He does not keep them according to our opinions or timetables. Just ask Abraham and Sarah. He is unfailingly patient with us. Perhaps the seasons of waiting He gives us are small reminders of how hard it is to wait. Our longing to bring children home is a faint glimpse of His longing to bring us to Him. Our frustration (and let's be honest, rage) that they sit in darkness and despair while we wait to give them love and security is just a tremor of the wrath God feels as He watches His children suffer. And if my current pain increases my knowledge of God's infinite love for me, then I submit. But it is hard.

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Great Gifts for Foster/Adopt Families

I got a belated Christmas present today that was awesome. Some Austin New Church families volunteered to make Christmas baskets for all the foster families at my agency. I assumed I wouldn't get one since I don't have any kiddos yet (I was sick and missed the party when they were handed out). Then today my caseworker came to do the monthly home visit and brought me a basket! It totally made my day.

It can be difficult to know how to support foster and adoptive families. My go-to help offer for young families is always babysitting, but that is actually counter-productive for foster/adopt families (they need time to bond together). Offering to bring dinner is super, but can be hard to coordinate. It also means you show up at the family's house, which doesn't work unless you know them fairly well. The same goes for offering to bring them groceries. All really helpful things, but all requiring a certain level of friendship.

The Christmas basket that I got was a themed gift--movie night! There was a tub of different flavors of popcorn, a jiffy-pop skillet, a bunch of hot cocoa and spiced cider packets, snowman bowls for the popcorn, and even a Christmas movie! I thought it was such a creative present, and so kind. Who doesn't love movies and popcorn??

And then, of course, my brain went buzzing off thinking of other baskets you could make. Here are some ideas that popped into my head:

1. Breakfast basket! Make pancake mix (or buy it), include syrup, sprinkles/whipped cream/etc., a spatula, maybe an apron. You could even put in Sunday comics or a family devotional.

2. Back-to-school basket! Most foster kids (and kids in general) could use more school supplies, especially if they are changing schools. Package them in fun ways, and include notes of encouragement and/or Scripture.

3. Basking Basket! If the kids are girls, put together a little spa assortment: small nail polish bottles and manicure-type tools (I have no idea what those would be, but hopefully moms with daughters will!).

4. Backyard Basket! This would be great for summer: water balloons, maybe an inexpensive lawn game or something, a hose attachment, bubbles. Basically stuff that would turn a backyard into a water park. =)

5. Bonding Basics Basket! There are lots of inexpensive games/books/etc. that encourage (in a playful way) getting to know each other. You could even make these yourself if you are creative. If you have kids, encourage them to help on this; I bet they would come up with cool ideas.

Those are just a few things I thought of off the top of my head (that started with the letter B). I encourage you, if you know a family who is fostering or adopting or preparing to, do something. It's a weird time for that family, I promise. And while some communities are catching on and throwing adoption showers and similar events (which is great), that's not always the best or only option. Because there is so much uncertainty involved, it is often best not to celebrate with a big event until the child is home. And, of course, once they're home, you'll need to give the family space to connect, so throwing a big event won't be ideal then either. That can make it really hard on both the friends, who want to help and celebrate but don't know how, and on the family, who may feel ignored, slighted, or just out of place. So if you can find a creative way to celebrate with them and help them to bond together as a new family, please do!!

Empowered to Connect Conference

February 17-18, 2012 - Dallas, TX - Irving Bible Church

The Empowered To Connect Conference, sponsored by Show Hope, is a two-day conference designed to help adoptive and foster parents, ministry leaders, and professionals better understand how to connect with children from hard places in order to help them heal and become all God desires for them to be.

Led by Dr. Karyn Purvis (Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development) together with Michael & Amy Monroe (Leaders of Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Ministry), this conference is ideal for adoptive and foster parents, those considering adoption or foster care, and those who are serving and supporting others, including social workers, agency professionals, church staff and ministry leaders, counselors, therapists and others involved in adoption and foster care ministries or services.

From Michael Monroe, co-founder of the Tapestry Ministry: "The Empowered To Connect Conference will feature the insights, experience and wisdom of Dr. Karyn Purvis. Dr. Purvis is the Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development and co-author of the best-selling adoption book, The Connected Child. For more than a decade, she and her colleagues have been developing a more complete understanding of the unique challenges that adopted, foster and orphaned children face, as well as a wide array of tools and strategies to help parents and caregivers form lasting and healing connections with their children.

Over the years the families involved in Tapestry have benefited greatly from Dr. Purvis. The Empowered To Connect Conference provides us with a great way to share this same help and hope with you so that the families in your church and community can benefit as well. During the conference, Dr. Purvis will offer helpful presentations on a wide range of topics that are highly relevant to all adoptive and foster families. In addition, Amy and I will share how our ministry has incorporated these principles and resources into the way we educate, support and equip parents. And throughout the conference we will highlight the biblical principles that serve as the foundation for the approach and interventions that Dr. Purvis teaches."

Scripture Sunday: The Psalms

Waiting for my children has been easier this week. I could say it's because I have been busier than usual (and frankly, busier than sanity usually permits). But actually, I think it is because I have spent more time in the Scriptures than usual.

I have a set of CDs in which prominent African-Americans read the Old and New Testaments. The Old Testament recording is better, in my opinion. It was made second, so they corrected some of the less-popular aspects of the first recording. I love the whole thing, though. And I love that when I drive long distances (or even just my daily 30 minute commute), I can listen to the Word instead of whatever happens to be on the radio.

On my 3.5 hour drive from Dallas to Austin on Friday, I listened to the Psalms. I chose that book because my Spring semester class is on Psalms, Ruth, Jonah, Romans, Ephesians, Philippians. (I know that seems random--it covers the books that people who take 2 years of Greek and 2 years of Hebrew translate in their language classes). Anyway, Psalms is the first unit, so I thought I would listen to it so I'd be ahead of the game on my homework.

One thing slammed me between the eyeballs as I was listening to Psalms. David, who wrote the majority of the Psalms, was anointed as king early in his life. He then spent a looooong time running away from people who tried to kill him. He fought; he hid in caves; he showed mercy to his greatest enemy over and over again. This is the man after God's own heart. (1 Samuel 13:14) He is pursued, persecuted, and patient. Listening to the Psalms is a sacred lesson in patience. God was training David in those years of flight, fear, and faltering.

And though I long for my children, whoever they may be, God is training me in this time of uncertainty.

He is good. He does good.

And I am trusting in that.

How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
Enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
And my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
And my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken.

But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

--Psalm 13

A Thousand Years

What with the Eschatology class and all, I've had the term "a thousand years" in my head more than usual this week. And then as I was driving home, blasting the radio in a barely successful attempt to stay awake until I reached my driveway, I heard this song by Christina Perri. I couldn't help but hear it in light of waiting for adoptive children.

I may have to learn to play the guitar just so I can play this for my kids.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

For the Weary

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:1-8

What I'm Doing this Week and Why

It’s difficult to describe the level of brain fatigue that you reach after two days of listening to theology lectures from 8am to 5pm. My head literally feels heavy by the end of each afternoon. And then of course I try to read some of my required 1,276 pages of reading (not even exaggerating) until my eyes cross and small puffs of smoke come out of my ears. And did I mention there’s a ten page paper due this Friday as well? It’s insanity, pure and simple.

Why then do I subject myself to this brain-exploding ordeal? Several reasons. 1) A week long class is incredibly efficient. Yes, it’s torture, but it’s only five days instead of fifteen drawn out weeks. 2) My short term memory is fantastic; my long term memory is feeble at best. So learning and regurgitating all this information in a one to three week time span (the final three assignments are due two weeks after the class ends) is great for the way my brain is wired. 3) It fits well with the way I approach the study of theology (for which I have no spiritual gifting of easy comprehension). I like to take what I’ll call the dunk tank approach. I submerge in as much information at once as possible, come up for air when I’m about to drown, and count on the Holy Spirit to make what needs to stick stick. I don’t worry about the rest. Honestly, if I tried to fully understand it all, I’d be cowering under a desk somewhere weeping by hour two.

Which is not to say I don’t have enormous respect for theology and theologians. I count on them to be the bumpers in the bowling alley of my belief—they keep my faith from falling into the gutters of error and indolence. And once I have the basic “this is heresy,” “this is orthodoxy” foundation (to switch metaphors), then I can go happily on with Bible study, prayer, worship, and mission. Sound basic theology, I firmly believe, is enormously important to the Christian life.

But I’m not someone who delights in debating whether or not Christians are commanded to keep the Sabbath, when/if the rapture will occur, or what the various horns on the beast in Revelation are meant to symbolize. I’m vaguely curious about the various positions on those topics, but I don’t plan to write a dissertation on any of them. In 2 Timothy 3:16, Paul tells us that “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;” but we do not study Scripture just so that we will know more and be able to teach more. The next verse completes the sentence and gives us the point of studying the Word: “so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” (emphases mine) Will defining my position on the timing of the great tribulation equip me to better serve the orphan? I don’t think so. Is this a reason not to read Revelation and grapple with these issues? No. In fact, Revelation is the only book in the Bible that explicitly promises a blessing to those who engage with it: “Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of the prophecy, and heed the things which are written in it; for the time is near.” (Rev 1:3)

I do think it is important to learn these things, to read the whole Bible over and over, to wrestle with the sticky theological controversies. That’s why I chose to study at Dallas Theological Seminary, despite the insanity of the syllabi and the potentially crushing pressure of being in a community of so many ‘cradle Christians’ (a topic for a separate blog post, and something that has actually been a blessing more often than not). “But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” (1 Tim 1:6) I could continue to quote from Paul, who was himself a scholar among scholars, a brilliant and zealous theologian who completely missed the Messiah until Jesus pretty much smacked him in the face. Studying esoteric concepts in a library or academic tower does me no good at all unless it helps me love Jesus and love others more and more. Studying the character of God and the nature and content of His promises does help me love better: it gives me greater humility, greater compassion, deeper joy, and more exuberant hope. Squabbling about how many exact years the “millennium” will last does not help me feed the hungry or repent of my sins.

There is a tension, a balance that we hold as Christians. We must know the gospel, and we must know it well enough to be able to explain it clearly, to a three year old, in our sleep. (I’m serious; I’m convinced it is impossible to ‘overstudy’ the gospel message.) And we are to read the entire Bible often and strive to understand it to the best of our ability. It is revelation from God, and is immeasurably beneficial to believers. But if all we do is study, even if all we do is study and teach, we are missing the major point of the Scriptures. We’ll be making the mistake of the Pharisees: memorizing the message but missing the meaning. Christ Himself, who I think we can argue knew the Bible better than anyone ever, spent far more time doing than He did debating.

My point in all of this is that I place great value on the comprehensive (sometimes brain-crushingly-comprehensive) theological education I am getting. But I place far greater value on the fact that it has hugely increased my love for my Savior and His creation. Will I learn and understand everything there is to know about Eschatology during this week long course? I’ll be lucky if I comprehend 10% of what is being taught. I could stress and make flashcards and pull all-nighters and probably bump that percentage up to 15%, or I can trust the Holy Spirit to help me retain what I need to know to serve God and to serve people to the best of my ability. And maybe that sounds like the obvious conclusion, but I’ll tell you, as an overachieving academic nerd, it took me several semesters to settle fully into that truth. And that truth is the only thing that got me through six theology courses without wandering off into the wilderness poking straw in my hair. =)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. –Proverbs 3:5-6

More Tomorrow

It's been a great (but long) day: eight hours of eschatology, a couple hours catching up with my dear friend Angie (who is selflessly letting me stay at her house this week!) and enough theology reading to make me fall asleep.

In my head, I've written a blogpost on chapter one of Seven, but it hasn't made it on here yet (I'm typing this with my thumbs on my phone, which wouldn't work for a whole post). I'll try to write it up tomorrow during the lunch break (fitting, since chapter one is about food!)

For now, good night! I'll leave you with my favorite quote of the day: "Eschatology is not about fear. It is overwhelmingly about hope." --Dr. Kreider.

Scripture Sunday: Revelation

I'm up in Dallas this week to take my final theology class: Eschatology. It means the study of end times. It is also a subject about which I know absolutely nothing, and understand less. Two of my assignments for the class were to read through the book of Revelation in one sitting, and through the book of Daniel in one sitting. Thankfully, I had my beloved Bible Experience CDs, so I listened to first Revelation and then Daniel on the drive up here from Austin.

Man oh man, I have no idea what Revelation is talking about. I counted two verses in the entire book that barely made sense to me; the rest was a blur. There are lots of confusing numbers. There are some pretty messed up animals. There is a dragon that is Satan, a beast I think might also be Satan, and a false prophet guy (who could possibly also be Satan). Super confusing stuff, people. And don't even get me started on the scrolls, trumpets, and bowls. My head hurts just thinking about it. And now I get to read a book entitled, Four Views on the Book of Revelation. Four? Ack.

This week is going to make me feel dumb, definitely, and terrified, probably. And if it's like any of my other theology classes, I will feel so hopelessly overwhelmed that I will give up trying to process anything coherently and will just pray that the Holy Spirit keeps me from any major heresies. (Are you catching on that studying theology is not really my thing?)

But here is what I do know. The end of the world won't be advertised by any Mayan calendarist's decision that 2012 is as far as he needs to calculate. It won't be something where we look around and ask ourselves, "gee, do you think this is the beginning of the apocalypse?" It's not going to be subtle. There will be some crazy stuff going on. Stuff that makes a Michael Bay movie look like an episode of Sesame Street. We will not have to guess or hypothesize.

I don't know if believers get raptured up before all the poo hits the fan (I'm assuming the book Three Views on the Rapture will fill me in there). But I do know we are sealed by God. Our names are in His book. Our eternity is secure. So whether we are around while the crazy dragon-beast-prophet triumvirate are running amok or not, we get to spend forever in a pretty phenomenal shiny happy city in a brand new heaven and earth with God. And that part sounds amazing. =)

There will no longer be any curse; and the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His bond-servants will serve Him; they will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And there will no longer be any night; and they will not have need of the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God will illumine them; and they will reign forever and ever. --Revelation 22:3-5