What’s a Smart Gal to do in the Church?

At the risk of sounding obnoxious, I have based this post on my own experience of being a smart lady. I’m not smart in any way that is lucrative or heroic or even really useful on a day-to-day basis, and I didn’t do anything to earn this brain of mine. It’s the one I came with. I still make dumb mistakes and can’t figure out my taxes (or basic compass directions). But the fact remains that I’ve got a capable, quick-thinking brain. I did well in school and I read a lot.

That being said, it is sometimes hard to be a smart woman in the American Church. It is often even harder to be a smart woman in a complementarian church. I am a committed complementarian, and it is not at all difficult for me to cede senior leadership roles to men. What gets difficult is the “now what?” of how and where to serve.

As a smart woman, it can be frustrating to see problems you could solve, processes you could streamline, or mistakes you could correct and not be able to do anything about it. (that’s probably true for everyone at some point actually, regardless of intellectual ability or gender). Over time, as your efforts to help are rebuffed, or there is no way to actually offer, this frustration can ferment into bitterness and hurt.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine who is both smart and wise (a surprisingly rare combo) and yet wildly underutilized in the church. (church in the sense of about a dozen churches she’s attended in her lifetime) Reflecting on all the good she, and others like her, could have done if they’d been plugged in a little better made me pretty mad. And whenever I get mad about something church-related, I take a step back and examine if I’m feeling righteous anger or selfish anger (spoiler alert: it’s almost always selfish). How do I do this? By looking at Jesus.

Jesus got mad at His religious community. Kind of a lot. And He wasn’t shy about it either. (Matthew 23 anyone?) So when I get mad at my religious community, I look at what made Jesus mad and see if the causes match up. Sometimes they do—sanctioned sin in high levels of church leadership, judging others rather than serving them, major doctrinal error, etc. all fall under the category of things Jesus would be mad about.

But I also have to look at what Jesus would do. And here’s where the “it’s hard to be a smart woman in the church” complaint gets stuck. Because Jesus was, without question, the smartest being ever to walk this earth. By a lot. And He must have had a million moments each day when the thought crossed His mind, “I could do it so much better if they would just listen to Me!” Two of the three temptations that the devil placed before Him played on this very impulse. (Matthew 4) Satan offered Jesus the chance to rule the earth, immediately and completely, and I’m sure Jesus could imagine the suffering that would be spared us all if we were forced to follow Him. And Satan offered Him the chance to prove spectacularly that He is God, which again would have caused a much bigger number of people to follow Him right away, and would again spare all the suffering and harm we cause when we insist on running things our own flawed way. Jesus knew He could do a better job, an infinitely better job, than the humans were doing. He even knew that it would spare them tremendous pain (in the short run) if He took over. But He also knew that the greater, eternal good would not be accomplished in that way, just as a mother knows she cannot carry her child forever or he will never walk. He knew He was to follow God’s will instead.

And so, smart women, let’s follow Jesus.

Serve faithfully wherever they’ll have you. I stumbled into the preschool ministry because that was the place of greatest need in one of the churches I was attending. It is now the most joyful part of my week.

Humble yourself whenever you can. Doing a Bible study with people who don’t do all the research or know all the commentaries like you do can feel tedious. It can also prevent you from getting so caught up in the head part that you forget the heart and hands. I can’t even count the number of times I have entered a gathering feeling scornful and superior and then been gobsmacked as the people around me suggested application after application that never even occurred to me.

Mentor and be mentored. I know a lot about some stuff. Other people know a lot about other stuff that I don’t know. That’s the way God created us, so that together we could be a force for His glory. Be willing to teach, and equally willing to be taught.

Light your path. Keep reading and studying the Bible. It is the living word. I had several professors in their eighties and nineties who have been reading the Bible every day of their lives and are still learning new things and hearing new truths through it. You don’t know it all, and you never will this side of heaven.

Keep a gentle and quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3:4 instructs women to focus on maintaining “the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” Forrest Gump claimed that “stupid is as stupid does.” It doesn’t matter how much you know or how brilliant your brain is if your behavior is rowdy or your attitude is rotten.

Remember the Head. One of my professors, explaining spiritual gifts and the role of the believer in the Body of Christ, quipped, “The Body doesn’t need a brain. It has one already, and it isn’t you.”
Fix your eyes upon Jesus, “the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Heb 12:2)

Pray for help. It is hard sometimes. It’s that old pesky painfulness of iron sharpening iron. Not a super comfy process for the iron that’s getting smacked around and setting off sparks everywhere. But it is for your good and God’s glory, so pray that He will give you the patience, humility, and perseverance it will require.

If You Don't Want to Bawl Like a Baby

Don't ever watch Atonement. I have had the DVD for about a week now, and I routinely try to make it to the hour mark without shutting it off. Tonight I made it a few moments beyond that, but had to turn it off because I was sobbing like the world's most distraught toddler.

So I say, don't watch it. Or do, if your tear ducts need a thorough clean out.

And, for the record, I think the whole story collapses because no 12 year old upper class girl in 1937 would have known that word. But I digress.

If you're prone to sobbery, I say stick to action or comedy. =)

This

This blogpost. Read it.

I am so impressed that it was written by a man (somewhat unfair of me, but I am).

I am wiping tears off my chin as I type this.

I love that this kind of experience is being recognized, and I am also challenged to go even further.

So yeah, read it.

Unexpected Side-Effects of Being a Teacher

• It is only a matter of time before I publicly correct a stranger's grammar, or admonish him to say 'please.' I am forever stopping myself on the brink of doing this, and am bound to slip someday soon!
• I cannot read a blog, billboard, or email without correcting any and all of its grammar and spelling errors. (Come on people, turn on your spell check!!)
• I consider the second series of Downton Abbey pretty much ruined because of several WWI inaccuracies as egregious as impossibly shallow trenches and an incorrectly worded telegram (among many others).
• I will happily bore anyone by launching an avalanche of obscure historical and or literary facts at the slightest provocation.
• I clutter up my texts and tweets with proper punctuation. Any oversight would be inexcusable!
• I recommend books to everyone, whether I've been asked to or not.
• I wouldn't alter any of these idiosyncrasies in the slightest. I absolutely adore teaching and can't wait to dedicate even more of my daily hours to doing it!

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. -Colossians 3:16

Scripture Saturday: Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Or, as the King James Version translates it,

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This reminder that we are to see God as our example in familial relationships is a timely one. So much of my work with adoptive families involves teaching against old “Christian” methods of parenting. It is reassuring to remember that we are to parent as God parents: give our children good things, but not so much that it isn’t good for them; discipline them when they do things that are disrespectful or dangerous, but always with a heart that is for them, not a hand that is against them; teach them where they are and walk with them to where they can be; love them enough to say no, and love them so much they get tired of hearing it. There is also a powerful call to fatherly leadership inthis verse, and it needs to be said. So often in modern families, and particularly in adoptive families, the mothers are leading the charge. In this verse, Paul reminds us that fathers should be interacting with their children too, as much as God interacts with us (a tall order!).

Need a Laugh?

Laughter may not be the best medicine, especially if you're trying to cure intense stomach pain, intestinal distress, or a broken rib. But it is definitely good for the soul, and it is an automatic way to disarm a fear response. Giggling trumps angry or terrified every time.

So in case you could use a chuckle today, here's an awesome series of "dumb jokes that are funny." They all made me laugh out loud, and are almost all kid-friendly. So enjoy!!

A Nod to My Episcopal Background

I spent about one and a half years in an Episcopal school before becoming an atheist, and I endured seven more years of daily, then weekly, chapel services as a non-believer. And while I hated it at the time, I now occasionally miss the centuries-old liturgy and the almost mystical solemnity of some of the rites. I particularly miss the idea of communal prayer. I know that it tends, over time, to devolve into rote recitation. But there is still something powerful about a room full of people all confessing their sins together.

Almighty and most merciful Father,
we have erred and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep,
we have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts,
we have offended against thy holy laws,
we have left undone those things which we ought to have done,
and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
But thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us,
spare thou those who confess their faults,
restore thou those who are penitent,
according to thy promises declared unto mankind in Christ Jesus our Lord;
and grant, O most merciful Father, for his sake,
that we may hereafter live a godly, righteous, and sober life,
to the glory of thy holy Name.

Amen.

Or even the sweet simplicity of this modern version:

Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against thee in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved thee with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of thy Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in thy will,
and walk in thy ways,
to the glory of thy Name.

Amen.

Thank You, Mom and Dad!

When I was a junior in high school, my English class read Pride and Prejudice. We were then asked to write an essay about a time our family had embarrassed us. I truthfully protested to my teacher that my family had never embarrassed me. She, not surprisingly, did not believe me. But it's true. This is largely due to my innate inability to feel embarrassed (and, since God has gifted me with some spectacular personal clumsiness, I am deeply appreciative of this gift).

Don't believe me? At the celebratory dinner for my 13th birthday (arguably the most profoundly awkward year of any girl's life), the waitress came over to our table and asked me to stand so she could sing some kind of opera aria to me in honor of the occasion. I duly stood, and as I rose, the entire restaurant was treated to the sight of my unbuttoned shorts and the sound of my loudly clanking unbuckled belt. Did I blush? You betcha. Did I feel perfectly justified in having loosened my 90's era tight waistband so I could fully enjoy a rare Italian feast? You betta' believe it. Did I laugh and button up my shorts while still standing and enjoying the slightly chuckle-ruffled aria? Yep.

So you can see it would take a truly embarrassing family to top that kind of everyday faux pas. I'm pretty sure that we, as a family, embarrassed my older, far more decorous sister with greater frequency. I know we showed up, all four dressed identically, at her summer camp one year and she nearly disowned us on the spot. But I was young and clueless and thought matching outfits were just a nifty way to find one another in a crowd.

Anyway. The fact remains that I survived a childhood in the 80's and 90's without any glaringly embarrassing family moments. I had terrible haircuts, pretty much exclusively. I wore some outrageously hideous outfits, including a denim and lace dress that still haunts my dreams. And I came within an inch of appearing on (and winning, in my opinion) America's Funniest Home Videos. (Clearly a story for another time).

But, to the best of my recollection, my parents never sent out a photo Christmas card or made us go to one of those portrait studios to get family pictures taken. I suspect this is largely due to the fact that my mother hates having her picture taken (though she is unerringly photogenic) and my father always insisted on manning the camera himself (with perhaps more enthusiasm than skill). Whatever the reasons, I am tremendously grateful. Because the fact remains that, thanks to the restraint of my mother and father, all those years of bowl-cuts and neon puffy painted sweat suits will never land me on this hilarious and horrifying website.

So, from the bottom of my hard-to-embarrass heart, thank you!!

Babysitting Standards

I've written my own personal babysitting standards below (standards from a babysitter, for babysitters-- these aren't parental expectations of babysitters). These are not the standards I began with, certainly. But after roughly twenty years of babysitting experience, as well as a fairly radical conversion from atheism to Christianity, these are the standards to which I hold myself today. =)

1. Know the children first. I try never to show up at someone's house to be the sole caregiver for their children unless I know the children beforehand, even if we've only had a brief interaction. This is much less terrifying for the children, and also easier for me, as I am less likely to be surprised by behavior during the "sit."

2. Cultivate a purse of wonders. If you've ever seen Mary Poppins, you'll remember the scene when she pulls amazing, impossible things out of her drab carpetbag. It's a magical moment for the children, and I try to have a similar setup whenever possible. Specifically, I always carry gum, at least one fidget, and usually balloons, just in case. Plus, my car always has at least one toy (and at present, about 30) in the back for emergencies.

3. Abide. One of the greatest tools I have learned over the years is the simple, stunning effectiveness of just being there. This is amazing for all ages, but is particularly effective with teenagers. Just be near the children. Jump into whatever they are playing and let them guide the way. An adult without an agenda is, sadly, an unusual thing these days. If you just quietly hang out, ready to participate when invited, they will eventually respond. Tonight, for example, I sat quietly reading next to a middle-schooler playing a video game. After about 30 companionable but silent minutes, he began telling me all about the game, talking a mile a minute. I have no idea what he was talking about, but I was there, and I was genuinely interested, and that made an impact.

4. Minister to the parents. My big rule about babysitting is to leave the house cleaner than it was when I arrived. This isn't a major overhaul; it usually just means washing up all the dishes or putting away all the toys. It's not always possible--I have served in houses so immaculate there was nothing for me to clean, and I have served in houses so dirty and cluttered there was nowhere for me to start. In those situations, the best you can do is clean up whatever mess you make while you're there. But everywhere else (barring particularly exhausting behavior from the children, which has also happened), I try to leave it cleaner than it was when I came. I think of it like that camping rule--I'm there to improve the environment, not burden it. Lord knows, parents have enough to do without cleaning dishes when they return from date night! Be a darling and greet them with a clean sink.

5. Serve sacrificially. When I was a teenager, I babysat for money. I needed it, and the families I worked for could certainly afford it. Now, however, I try to do it free of charge whenever possible. That isn't always possible, and it is rarely easy. But usually, the parents who most need a night of quality childcare are also the parents least able to afford it. If I can bless a beleaguered family by tightening my own budget, then I will. I love the C.S. Lewis quotation (from Mere Christianity) about how much Christians should give: “I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusement, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our giving does not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say it is too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot because our commitment to giving excludes them.” I think that applies just as much to our talents, training, and time as it does to our dollars and cents.

6. Mix it up, but make it clear. For some reason, I am lenient with children whose parents are strict, and strict with children whose parents are lenient. I have certain base standards of behavior for all kiddos, but I do bend more for some than others. I don't necessarily have a well-researched reason for doing this, but I do, and it works. Mostly, I think I do it because over-permitted kids actually crave direction and limits, while over-rigid kids delight in a temporary expression of grace. The one essential step in making this work (both for you and for the parents later) is to be absolutely, hit-you-over-the-head-clear on what you're doing. For example, I would say to a kid with indulgent parents, "I know mommy lets you stay up until 9, but when Carly is here, we go to bed at 8:30." Or for a kid with strict parents, I would say, "I went ahead and emptied the dishwasher for you, even though I know it is your job. But I know you've had a long day, so I thought you would appreciate a break." My one caveat here is that I NEVER undermine or ignore a parent-specified or fundamental house rule. That's just bad for everyone.

7. Have FUN. Never underestimate the power of sheer silliness. One of the great joys of being a babysitter is that you can pretend to be Mary Poppins. Go on wacky adventures, sing hilarious songs, introduce ridiculous games. Don't be the bored girl popping her gum and texting her boyfriend while the kids watch TV. Get creative, tune into what excites each particular set of children, and revel in the zaniness that ensues when you don't have to be the parent, teacher, or taskmaster. The ingenuity, wonder, and side-splitting comments that will erupt from your charges are your best reward, and will be remembered much longer than any $20 bill or Starbucks gift card. =)

Scripture Sunday: Ephesians 3:14-19

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

I could read this passage every morning and every night, and still I would forget it during the day. In my frustration with myself over things done or things not done, I so easily forget the vastness of Christ’s love for me. I slip into legalism and disappointment in myself quickly and constantly throughout each day. I miss out on being “rooted and grounded in love,” and so steal joy from myself at every turn. This passage reminds me that it is the Spirit who can remind me of Christ’s infinite love for me. I must be in prayer for those reminders every day. And I must pray the same prayer for the “saints” in my life, that they too will be reminded of Christ’s massive love for them. Without that knowledge, we can do nothing.

Happy Mother's Day!

I have the world's most amazing mom. I do. She's phenomenal. I won't rise up and call her blessed, because that seems a bit self-important of me, but I will rise up and call her a blessing.

She has taught me almost everything I know, from what is and isn't correct grammar to how to cook the most mouth-watering cheese grits. She has always encouraged and challenged me to be independent, but is also always there to give me a quiet hint in the right direction.

In my atheist years, she once exclaimed in frustration, "I can't drag you, kicking and screaming, into the kingdom of heaven!" But I'm pretty sure she prayed me in (God's sovereignty never being in question, of course).

There are no words to express how much I owe and adore this woman. It is impossible for me to begin to display my gratitude to her. But the fact that we will spend eternity glorifying God together is as close to an adequate "thank you" as I can ever manage.

"The devil never reckons a man to be lost so long as he has a good mother alive. O woman, great is thy power!"
-Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Um, wow.

This morning, I graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary.

Whoa.

Honestly, words fail when I try to express how blessed I have been, how challenged I have been, how grateful I am... So I will borrow from the psalmist, once again:

This is the Lord's doing;
it is marvelous in our eyes.
This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:23-24

Hallelujah!!

Great is Thy faithfulness,
O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Adventures in Care-Giving

With all the reading and research and specialized training I've had, the one thing that has given me the most insight into the foster/adopt population has been growing up with a handicapped younger sister. I could fill a book with the lessons she has taught and continues to teach me.

But we're in Dallas in an amazing hotel at the moment, and the Internet costs $10 a day, so I'm just typing this on my phone.

I'll try and fill in the story a bit more in the next few days. :)

My Thoughts on Education (brilliantly articulated by someone else)

This is part of a lecture given at the RSA by Sir Ken Robinson, world-renowned education and creativity expert and recipient of the RSA's Benjamin Franklin award.

It provides astonishing insights into the mess we've made of education. Check it out!

The Avengers, or How the Yacht Club Saved the World

I'm a well-read lady with several fancy degrees, and yet I love superhero movies. If Marvel has a hand in making it, you can bet I'll be there opening weekend. He-Man was my favorite cartoon when I was little, and X-Men took over the Saturday morning first place when I got a teeny bit older. So today I went and saw The Avengers, and it was a pretty great superhero movie--witty banter, snazzy outfits, and some pretty phenomenal explosions. And I certainly give huge props to Joss Whedon, who wrote a fantastic screenplay and directed well.

But.

I have two complaints to make. The first is that one of the jokes that got the loudest laugh was when one of the superheroes explains the villain's villainy with the quip, "He's adopted." I had been warned that line was in there, but I still sat in silent, seething outrage. Number one, that is a horrible thing to say. Number two, I hate the culture we have that believes people who have been adopted are at best "other" and at worst the bad seed. Number three, the idea that a person is evil because they happen to have been orphaned goes against the grain of a lot of what makes superhero stories great. Which brings me to my second complaint:

The 'Avengers' team may be the A-Team of superheroes, but only if the A stands for A-hole. Much of what is great about superhero stories is the fact that they chronicle the trials of gifted underdogs, social misfits, and misunderstood geniuses. The Avengers crew? Not so much.

Tony Stark (Ironman): billionaire playboy who invents a suit that makes him nigh on invincible, with an ego to match.
Bruce Banner (Hulk): brilliant scientist who creates his own inner monster through a science experiment gone wrong.
Thor: other-worldly demi-god with a ridiculously dinky looking super-hammer (I admittedly haven't seen the movie of his backstory, because it just seemed so downright silly).
Captain America: a once-puny soldier gets a hit of super-steroids and becomes super strong. Just say no to drugs, kids, except when they come from the government.
Black Widow: she seems to have a pretty fascinating backstory, but we never get to hear much of it. And she also doesn't actually have any super powers, she's just good at fighting. Kind of lame, Marvel.
I-don't-even-know-his-name-archer-guy: I think it has something to do with a Hawk? But I wouldn't know because the movie tells us practically nothing about him. Also, I don't think he has super powers either, though he is good with a bow and arrow. Would I pay $7 to watch a movie about him? Yep. But until then, he was really just along for the ride on this one.

This is no X-Men-like tale of people who are tremendously gifted and struggle with the joint power and vulnerability that comes with those gifts. It's a story about a bunch of ego-maniacs who sort of band together to combat a problem that they kind of created in the first place. I will give Whedon credit that he cleverly incorporates critical reactions at the end of the film from the people who have been saved, and some of them wonder if the superheroes aren't just as much of a problem/liability as the forces that attacked (as I said, he did a good job with the movie-making). But all in all? The rich guys with the fancy powers save the day. And I guess that's good.

But it's also a little boring and unlikely, don't you think?

The Explicit Gospel, by Matt Chandler

I lived in Dallas for two of my three years in seminary, and during that time I had the privilege of attending The Village Church. Working and worshiping with the people there was amazing, and I continue to be blessed by the things I learned there. Recently, the lead pastor at The Village, Matt Chandler, published a book entitled The Explicit Gospel. I haven't yet read it, but I highly recommend it (and please note that all the profits from the book go back to the ministry, not to Matt's pockets). Matt's teaching is honest and inspired, and I absolutely trust his theology and message.

A few weeks ago, Matt Chandler preached his book tour message at my home church, The Austin Stone. It was such a joy to hear him preach again--I can honestly say he is one of the most gifted preachers I have ever heard. And by gifted I don't mean a talented professional communicator. I mean a godly man lit up by the fire of the Holy Spirit. He has a rare ability to make you laugh with him, then punch you in the gut with theological truth and send you away thanking him for it. And he also happens to be a very talented communicator. Just one that's powered by Jesus.

Awesomely, there is video available for you to watch right now of that sermon. I strongly recommend it, whether you're an atheist, a dedicated Christian, or somewhere in between. It will be absolutely worth your time.

Watch the video here.

Scripture Saturday: Psalm 36:5-9

Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;
your judgments are like the great deep;
man and beast you save, O Lord.
How precious is your steadfast love, O God!
The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house,
and you give them drink from the river of your delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light do we see light.

This is another psalm I have heard put to music as a worship song. It deserves to be sung over and over, to remind us of the vastness of God’s attributes. So often I find I do not realize just how massive God is-- His power, love, mercy, holiness, etc. I tend to, unconsciously, put human limits on Him. I get halfway through a prayer and realize I am responding to Him as though His patience with me has limits, as though my sin is bigger than His mercy. Once I realize my error, it seems silly, yet I often slip into these beliefs without even realizing it. I worry about problems because they seem big, when I really should be focusing on the omnipresence and omnipotence of God. I pray frantically for the children I work with; I should be comforted by the fact that God loves and cares for them infinitely more than I do. I become depressed thinking too much of my sin and too little of God’s forgiveness. We could sing psalms like this all day long, and still our minds wouldn’t comprehend just how big our God is. But it is incredibly good to praise Him and remind ourselves of His attributes.

May is National Foster Care Month

I'm not sure why it took me three days to realize that, but it did. In honor of dedicating May to building awareness of foster care in the US, here are some daunting statistics:

Only 5% of the kids ages 15-18 in foster care get adopted. Instead, each year, roughly 30,000 kids 'age out' of US foster care, meaning they turn 18 and are literally thrust out into the world on their own and are expected to be fully functioning, independent adults. By that time, they have been in foster care for an average of five years.

By age 21……

—1 in 7 experience homelessness

—50% will be unemployed

—71% of the women will become pregnant

—77% of the men will be arrested

—20% of males will become career criminals
(versus 5% of general population)
[statistics taken from helponechild.org]

I was an intelligent, independent young lady at 18, with no history of trauma in my short and decidedly blessed life. But if you had unleashed me in the world with no resources, I don't know that I would have survived. Let's face it, ages 18-21 are not the years when any of us make the best, most responsible decisions of our lives, and that's even when we've been 'raised right.'

Add to that the fact that kids aging out of care have had significant trauma in their lives, often years and years of trauma (foster care itself is, even at its best, traumatic). Their time in care is often wildly unstable and chaotic, with little to no opportunity to learn the basic life skills that would help them succeed in the adult world. I honestly don't know how someone would even begin to take care of himself in that situation. And keep in mind, they age out when they turn eighteen, which could easily be in October of their junior year of high school, and they suddenly have no home, no income, probably no transportation, and no family. It is a miracle that any of them make it with the odds stacked so firmly against them.

This must change. Organizations all across the country are brainstorming and working toward solutions, and building awareness is an important step. You can also visit this website to find out more about ways to help.

Holy Sharing for the Glory of Christ, This is Awesome!

I made the tough decision not to attend Summit this year. And in case you are wondering, Summit is just about the most awesome orphan care conference held in the US each year. I have never attended one, because of my school schedule, but they routinely get the best speakers, the biggest numbers, and the most extensive breakout sessions. It is THE orphan care conference.

My father, in an unbelievably generous and amazing surprise gesture, offered to fund my attendance at this year's Summit. But, because nothing stresses me out so much as the panic-inducing triumvirate of claustrophobic air travel, immense crowds, and chatty, well-meaning strangers, I declined. I asked my dad if, instead, he would be willing to fund my purchase of the audio downloads from the main sessions, and he, being a fantastic guy, agreed. Blessed beyond measure, that's me!

And then, through Twitter, I heard the following news, which absolutely defies superlatives:

For the first time EVER, you can all watch Summit LIVE!!
Just go here.

I don't have words. Except that God is astoundingly good, and His servants are astoundingly sacrificial in their pursuit of the fatherless. May we all give as selflessly as these folks have to spread the word of God's love for orphans and the universal call for believers to serve them in their distress!!

Hooray for May!

I'm so glad it's May!

April was a stressful month around here. Planning an Easter service for 200 preschoolers, gathering all my tax documents from the various moving boxes, drawers, and grocery bags where I've stashed them in the last four months, agonizing over whether or not I would be hired for my dream job, and rushing to get all my coursework finished by the 'graduating students' earlier deadline meant a month of pacing, procrastinating, and prayer-filled, sleepless nights.

But God has been overwhelmingly good. Easter was amazing, thanks only to His provision and guidance. I filed my tax extension in time (and don't actually owe any more tax for 2011). I was hired for my dream job (hallelujah!!!). And I did finish all my coursework, with a record-breaking four hours to spare. =)

I'm still glad it's May though.

I get a break from school and work. I get to spend time with my younger sister, who'll be home for two weeks. I get to go to Dallas and graduate and see a bunch of seminary friends. I even get to read wonderful, challenging, delightful fiction that makes only a passing reference to complex theological concepts.

After three truly tough but immensely rewarding years, I am enjoying a sweetly blessed little break. And I am grateful!!

Then justice will dwell in the wilderness,
And righteousness remain in the fruitful field.
The work of righteousness will be peace,
And the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever.
My people will dwell in a peaceful habitations
In secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.
--Isaiah 32:16-18

Scripture Sunday: Psalm 5:8-12

Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies;
make your way straight before me. For there is no truth in their mouth;
their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave;
they flatter with their tongue. Make them bear their guilt, O God;
let them fall by their own counsels;
because of the abundance of their transgressions cast them out,
for they have rebelled against you.
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
let them ever sing for joy,
and spread your protection over them,
that those who love your name may exult in you. For you bless the righteous, O Lord;
you cover him with favor as with a shield.

I pray that God will empower me to follow David’s example, to react to wickedness with a desire to draw closer to the Lord, rather than focus on revenge against those who wrong me. So often I am tempted to dwell on the ways various people have failed me, attacked me, or simply gotten in my way. But David has the better way in this Psalm—focus on God, on His deliverance and power. It is important to leave punishment to the Lord, and also to realize we are just as deserving of punishment as anyone else, but for the righteousness of Christ. I did not expect to see such a Jesus-like message in the Psalms, but I shouldn’t have been surprised! This is also a great reminder that our righteousness comes from faith in God, not from any innate goodness or works. We are to take refuge in the Lord, follow His leading, and rejoice in His love.

FINISHED!!!

As of about 12:30pm today (a record-breaking four hours before the deadline), I finished ALL of my coursework for my Master of Christian Education degree from Dallas Theological Seminary.

My brain is tired. My fingers are tired. It will take me years to process all that I have learned during my blessed three years at DTS.

So for now, I simply say, Hallelujah!!

Here I raise mine ebenezer;
hither by Thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it,
seal it for Thy courts above.

Scripture Sunday: Grace Upon Grace

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth. John testified about Him and cried out, saying, “This was He of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me has a higher rank than I, for He existed before me.’” For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.

--John 1:14-17

Defined by Mercy

Read this.

A great post by a great Austin church trying to live as Jesus did.

"Go and do likewise." Luke 10:37

Ponder Anew

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty,

the King of creation!
O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy
health and salvation!
All ye who hear,
Now to His temple draw near;
Sing now in glad adoration!
Praise to the Lord, who o'er all
things so wondrously reigneth,
Who, as on wings of an eagle,
uplifteth, sustaineth.
Hast thou not seen
How thy desires all have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?
Praise to the Lord, who hath fearfully,
wondrously, made thee!
Health hath vouchsafed and, when
heedlessly falling, hath stayed thee.
What need or grief
Ever hath failed of relief?
Wings of His mercy did shade thee.
Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper
thy work and defend thee,
Who from the heavens the streams of
His mercy doth send thee.
Ponder anew
What the Almighty can do,
Who with His love doth befriend thee.
Praise to the Lord! Oh, let all that
is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come
now with praises before Him!
Let the Amen
Sound from His people again;
Gladly for aye we adore Him.

Hallelujah!!! (Psalm 145)

I just got word that something I have been dreaming of and planning for since I was 12 is finally happening. I can't even begin to describe my joy. Luckily, David and the Holy Spirit put together a little psalm a few thousand years ago that does a pretty good job. Hallelujah!!!

I will exalt You, my God the King;
I will praise Your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise You
and extol Your name for ever and ever.

Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
His greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends Your works to another;
they tell of Your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of Your majesty—
and I will meditate on Your wonderful works.
They tell of the power of Your awesome works—
and I will proclaim Your great deeds.
They celebrate Your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

The LORD is good to all;
He has compassion on all He has made.
All Your works praise You, LORD;
Your faithful people extol You.
They tell of the glory of Your kingdom
and speak of Your might,
so that all people may know of Your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and Your dominion endures through all generations.

The LORD is trustworthy in all He promises
and faithful in all He does.
The LORD upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to You,
and You give them their food at the proper time.
You open Your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The LORD is righteous in all His ways
and faithful in all He does.
The LORD is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love Him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.

My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise His holy name
for ever and ever.

Make Procrastination Work for You

In honor of tax day, and the fact that I am filing an extension to file yet again, I thought I would write a post about procrastination. =)

Procrastination is frustrating, both to the perpetrator and to the more organized, less-procrastination-prone people around him/her. Nobody enjoys procrastinating, but I would argue that most people do it, especially now that the internet is there with all of its lovely tempting time wasters.

Sometimes, however, procrastination can be helpful. I read an article a while ago by John Perry, a professor who has come up with a way to turn his habit of procrastinating into a way of actually getting more things done. He wrote an essay explaining it here. [And can we just pause to appreciate the way he avoided doing countless unwanted tasks by writing an article on making procrastination work for you? Genius.] His theory, to give it a brief overview, is that you will eventually get all the things on your list done as long as you are doing some of the things you need to do while procrastinating others. [You should read the essay; it's funny and explains this much better than I'm doing.]

Let me give you an example from today. I have a mountain of coursework to do for my final seminary class. ALL of it is due next Friday. There's a lot of it (possibly because I procrastinated some of it all semester and have to catch up now). Some of it is due tonight at midnight. So instead of working diligently on it all day and finishing early, I cleaned out my office (which was really just a room filled with piles of stuff as of this morning) and my garage (which hadn't been cleaned in about 5 years and is now freakishly pristine). If you had said to me, "On Monday, you must clean out your office," I wouldn't have done it. But because I had something looming that I wanted to do even less than I wanted to clean out my office, it got done (well, and I had some amazing help).

That's the idea behind Perry's structured procrastination. You continually pile things onto your "to do" list, and you will eventually do all of the things on the list while you avoid doing the other things on the list. It's pretty brilliant.

I don't procrastinate about everything. I complete regular work tasks and general stuff-that-needs-to-get-done with occasionally astonishing efficiency. And there are some things that I jump on and finish long before they're actually due. But I think everyone procrastinates about some things, and this is a great way to get stuff done anyway.

Scripture Sunday: Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in You I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from You.”

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
nor take their names on my lips.

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let Your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

A Bafflingly Unpopular Opinion About Sleep

I moved away from home at the age of fourteen, kind of. That is to say, I went away to boarding school at that time (by choice--my parents didn't want me to go). Until that fateful trip back to the East Coast, my bedtime was 8:30pm. Yep, at the age of thirteen, I went to bed at 8:30. And that was an upgrade from the normal bedtime of 8:00pm, which I had from a young age until around the spring semester of my eighth grade year. And I will tell you, I often couldn't stay awake long enough to catch the much-anticipated "9 at 9" radio broadcast on my radio alarm clock.

My one fear about boarding school, in fact, was that I wouldn't be able to get my homework done each night because study hall (7:00-9:00pm) ran later than my bedtime of 8:30. Oh Lordy, don't you just cringe for 13 year-old me? Little did I know that I would get less sleep during high school than I would during any other period of my life. I came home during one break and my father woke me up after I'd been asleep for 17 hours. He thought I was dead. I was annoyed he had spoiled a perfectly good stretch of sleep. =)

My point is this. I think that, as adults, we forget how much sleep kids need. Maybe you keep your kids awake longer so you can spend more time with them. Maybe you do it because all their friends are staying up late. Maybe you do it because you stayed up that late as a kid. I will tell you this-- I have learned that adults have zero control over when a child wakes up. Some of them rise an hour before dawn, and there is nothing you can do about that, no matter what. But all of them need a TON of sleep. They are growing at insane rates, physically, mentally, emotionally. They will sleep 14 hours at a stretch if you let them, but until they are teenagers, most of them won't sleep in in the mornings. So put them to bed earlier.

The darling girl I had for nine days of respite care slept 11 hours every single night, without fail. She woke at 7am, and would have no matter what time I put her to bed. Her foster parents were putting her to bed between 9 and 11 each night (it varied). I put her to bed at 8pm, and she was sound asleep by 8:05. That kiddo (and I would argue most kiddos) needed that amount of sleep.

There are two pieces of advice here. One, put your child(ren) to bed early. Earlier than their friends. Earlier than you went to bed as a child. And see what happens. Yes, as a 13 year-old, I didn't always fall asleep right away. But I fell asleep soon, and needed the sleep I got. I never got as many colds as the rest of the kids in my class, I had an easier time paying attention, and I certainly had fewer behavioral issues. Can I chalk all that up to extra sleep? Well, when I tell you that the boarding school I attended changed its winter term hours, extending the morning sleep time by just 30 minutes, thereby reducing campus-wide illness by 85%, you might start believing in the power of sleep.

Second piece of advice: keep it consistent. Put your child(ren) to bed at the same time every night, weekday or weekend. The ability to sleep later when you go to bed later only seems to manifest once you've started college. So keeping them up later on Saturday night does not guarantee a lovely lie-in on Sunday morning. Keep the bedtime consistent, and trade off morning duty with your spouse. If you're single, you may just have to deal with the morning duty (or teach your child how to make his own breakfast).

In all honesty, I wish I went to bed each night at 8:30 now. I think I could use the sleep, and having a consistent sleep routine sounds heavenly to me at this point in my life. Alas, I have so messed up my circadian rhythms that a consistent bedtime is something of a pipe dream. But try it with your kids... I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Great Post on the Church and Orphan Care

Read here.

I am currently trying to find ways to attend this conference, but in the meantime, read the blog I've linked above. Good thoughts!!

Seminary: A Brief Before and After

If God wills it, one month from today I will graduate from Dallas Theological Seminary (!!). So I have spent some time this week reflecting on the past three years (okay fine, I was required to do it for an assignment...)

My overwhelming sense as I look back on seminary is massive gratitude. I could never have imagined that I would learn as much as I have: in the classroom, in friendships, and in time with God. I am saddened though, by the fact that I was often a poor steward of that gift. I wish I had been a sponge, but many days I was a stubborn rock. On my good days, I know that God knows me better than I know myself, and that He hasn’t wasted a single second of my three years at DTS. On my bad days, I just try to read and study as much about His grace and love as I can before my innate legalistic perfectionism raises its whip.

Looking back more objectively, I do see evidence of the Spirit’s work in me during the past three years. Before seminary, I spent zero devotional time in the Word. Now, I do a short reading most mornings, a longer meditation most evenings, and I spend long car rides and commutes listening to an audio CD of the Bible. Those things don’t get me into heaven, but there is evidence of spiritual fruit there, especially since I do them for enjoyment and really sustenance rather than out of a sense of duty. Before seminary, my ministry work focused more on pleasing humans than on pleasing God (though I wouldn’t have recognized it then). Now I find I often forget the extent to which I am serving because it doesn't seem like a separate thing I do, checking off a Christian box. It’s just part of who I am. Before seminary, I didn’t think much at all about any social justice issues, and I didn’t really ever share the gospel. Now I am passionate about orphan care and I teach the gospel to a room full of preschoolers and young-in-faith volunteers each week. Before seminary, I could tell you some facts I knew about God. Now, I know where I stand on major doctrinal issues, and I know which ones will take me the rest of my life to sort out (if not longer... cough eschatology cough).

Beyond all of these small things, though, my experience in seminary has taught me to trust more deeply in the Lord. I am a planner. I like to plot out what I’m doing next and why and where and how and print out maps to get there. I entered seminary with only the faintest notion what God would call me to do after seminary. He has given me amazing glimpses of His plans for me during the past three years, but I still don’t really know what’s next. There are a handful of major possibilities all up in the air right now (one of which I am longing for much more than the others, but that's for a later post). Three years ago, that uncertainty would have driven me to distraction. Today, I can look ahead with great peace and thankfulness (and okay fine, some moments of desperate pleading). I don’t know exactly what God has in store for me, but I know He has never failed to exceed my expectations. I trust that whatever is next, as long as I am faithful to follow His will, will be good, even if it is painful.

I once heard a preacher call marriage the “sanctification super highway.” I think seminary may be a contender for that title as well, not because I am super sanctified, but because it has been a time in which God has hammered intensely at my heart. I've gained great wisdom from all I have learned about the goodness and holiness of God, but also great humility from all I've learned about the wickedness and brokenness in myself. I have found deep passion for loving the fatherless, and deep frustration in working with the flawed. I have found solid direction in following wherever God leads, and also prolonged uncertainty as He has given me glimpses of just one step forward at a time. Seminary has been hard on my soul in ways I didn't expect. But it has been good for me to an extent I never imagined it could be. I have seen, with shame, just how much of my heart is still ruled by a selfish toddler, but I have also seen how relentlessly faithful God is at winning her to His will.

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. --John 15:1-4

Being Elmo

I have a deep and abiding love for Sesame Street and really all the Muppet creations and projects. Almost all of the TV I watched as a kid featured muppets. We were only allowed to watch one show per day growing up, and I almost always chose Sesame Street. The muppet movies were amazing because they were the only "grown up" movies that had the kind of silliness I treasured as a kid and was terrified I would lose when I became an adult (I still have most of it, phew!).

I was never a huge fan of Elmo though. I think he came along just when I was getting a little old for Sesame Street, and his baby-talk irked rather than entranced me. Plus, I somehow blamed him for the disappearance of my favorite muppet, Grover, who appeared less and less often after Elmo joined the cast. And then of course the bizarre popularity of all the Elmo toys just hit me the wrong way. It's hard to wholeheartedly love something that parents will trample one another to purchase.

But I just watched a short film entitled Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey on Netflix Instant. It's the story of Kevin Clash, the inventor and voice of Elmo. It is awesome. And I may have cried through about 80% of it, not because it is sad, but just because there is something "so dear to my heart" (as my lil sis would say) about the muppets.

I encourage you to watch it, and to watch it as a family. It is a hugely inspiring story for kids to watch, and just a really cool example of someone with talent, passion, and childlike wonder achieving his dream and then spreading joy to others.

Great Post on Transracial Adoption

Head on over to www.rageagainsttheminivan.com to read an insightful post on parenting a transracial family. There's also a post about a recent CNN report on how kids think about race.

Thought-provoking stuff.

Top 25

Earlier today, I cleaned my oven for the first time in 5+ years. As I wiped away indescribable gunk and fought a persistent urge to vomit, I wondered what the heck is in Easy Off, and how it is capable of reducing 5 years' worth of gross baked-on miscellany to a noxious, viscous goo.

About an hour later, the index finger on my left hand began to tingle and hurt. I looked down to discover that it had turned the color of white-out. Panicked, I ran and washed my hands. It looked worse. I rushed downstairs and put olive oil on it (I don't know why). I reread the Easy Off container. It said simply, "wash hands after use." I had. Also, I used only my right hand to wipe away the nasty guck in my oven. So what the heck had happened to my left hand? And would it eat away the skin until only bone remained? Would I lose a finger? (Isn't it lovely how rational the panicked, terrified mind can be?) I finally coated the finger with neosporin, which seems to have helped. It no longer looks like I dipped my finger in white paint. But it still tingles a bit in a painful way, so I figured I would post an awesome link rather than trying to type an entire blog post with my right hand and my left ring finger.

So click here for the top 25 adoption/foster care mom blogs. I follow several of these, and am excited to start reading the rest.

Easter Sunday

Today is Easter. I have been planning for this day for weeks. Worrying about it has kept me up at night, has made work on other projects nearly impossible, and has even sent me, the crowd-phobe, to Walmart.

I was asked to plan/organize/run a giant gym that would be filled with 250 2, 3, and 4 year olds. Kind of a big assignment. And event planning is really not my thing. But I love that age group, and I love Jesus, so I agreed.

I'm not going to lie; it was crazy stressful. And Satan was fighting hard for us all to fail (more on that in another post, but when I tell you we had no air conditioning for several hours, you get the idea of just how petty and irritating that guy can be). And it was a fairly crazy morning. But it was good. The children were delighted, no one had a huge accident (scatological or otherwise), and our volunteers far surpassed my wildest imaginings in terms of creativity, stamina, and general fantastic helpfulness.

The temptation for many of us after a day like today is to brainstorm all the ways we can make it better next year (or at least that is the way I am wired!). But I feel the need to pause a moment and rejoice in how amazingly gracious God was to us today. There is absolutely no earthly reason why such huge numbers of children were so joyous for three hours this morning, why parents were so calm and understanding, or why 100's of volunteers were so gifted and flexible. It was an astonishing morning. In our gym alone, no one cried inconsolably (at least not the whole time!), no one needed an EMT or stitches, and I repeatedly looked across the room to see a dozen toddlers or preschoolers listening with rapt attention to the Easter story, or celebrating the empty tomb with tambourines and shouts of "Hallelujah!"

Yes, I have about a dozen plans whirling in my head about how to make it better next year, and I am grateful to God for those. But most of all, I am stunned by the love and faithfulness He showed His children today, from the oldest and wisest volunteer to the crankiest two-year-old. He was beyond faithful, and I felt immensely honored to witness His power and love through this morning's service.

So as we plan and dream and troubleshoot for next year, I just wanted to spend a moment in grateful awe of the way He powerfully showed up for His children this morning!

He is risen! Hallelujah!

"After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: 'Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.'" --John 17:1-3

Scripture Saturday: Psalm 22

Readers, get ready. I'm about to share with you one of the coolest pieces of information I learned during my time in seminary. It completely revolutionized the way I think about Jesus' final hours on the cross, about the relationship between the Father and the Son, and about the selflessness of Jesus' sacrifice. Yeah, it's that big.

Both Mark and Matthew record the following episode:
"And when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Mark 15:33-34)

"Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:45-46)

Immediately after this moment, Jesus breathes His last and dies, calling out, "Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit!” (Luke 23:46)

When I was younger, I was very confused by this whole exchange. Why would Jesus feel forsaken by the Father? Why would He cry out in anguish that they were separated, but then with His next breath give His Spirit to the Father? It didn't make sense to me. I even, when I was an atheist, used to argue that Jesus' cry proved that God was ignoring Him, and therefore He couldn't be the Son of God.

I have heard sermons explain that Jesus at this moment was experiencing the separation from God that resulted from His taking on all the sin of the world. I agree that sin separates humans from God, but if you believe that God the Father "forsakes" His Son, who is acting in full obedience and is Himself 100% divine as well as 100% human, you get into some murky theological waters. It's a puzzling, and when explained this way, troubling passage.

Troubling, that is, until I heard the following simple yet groundbreaking explanation from several of my professors at seminary. You know how, in our Bibles, all the psalms have handy numbers at the top? I can say "Psalm 23" in a crowded room, and a fair number of people will know I am talking about the psalm that begins, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

Well, those handy numbers didn't exist in the Scriptures in Jesus' day. Instead, the psalms were known by their first lines, which acted as titles. So Jesus, with His almost final breath, is not railing in anguish at an absent Father. He is yelling out, "Psalm 22!" He is using that excruciatingly painful breath to point the witnesses, the evil-intentioned, the confused, and the faithful, to the message of Psalm 22. And that message is not that the Father forsakes sinners. It is that He spares Himself nothing to rescue them, and points them to His hope with His final breath. Check it out:

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
Why are You so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.
Yet You are holy,
enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In You our fathers trusted;
they trusted, and You delivered them.
To You they cried and were rescued;
in You they trusted and were not put to shame.
But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by mankind and despised by the people.
All who see me mock me;
they make mouths at me; they wag their heads;
“He trusts in the LORD; let Him deliver him;
let Him rescue him, for he delights in Him!”
Yet You are He who took me from the womb;
You made me trust You at my mother's breasts.
On You was I cast from my birth,
and from my mother's womb You have been my God.
Be not far from me,
for trouble is near,
and there is none to help.
Many bulls encompass me;
strong bulls of Bashan surround me;
they open wide their mouths at me,
like a ravening and roaring lion.
I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint;
my heart is like wax;
it is melted within my breast;
my strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to my jaws;
You lay me in the dust of death.
For dogs encompass me;
a company of evildoers encircles me;
they have pierced my hands and feet—
I can count all my bones—
they stare and gloat over me;
they divide my garments among them,
and for my clothing they cast lots.
But You, O LORD, do not be far off!
O You my help, come quickly to my aid!
Deliver my soul from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dog!
Save me from the mouth of the lion!
You have rescued me from the horns of the wild oxen!
I will tell of Your name to my brothers;
in the midst of the congregation I will praise You:
You who fear the LORD, praise Him!
All you offspring of Jacob, glorify Him,
and stand in awe of Him, all you offspring of Israel!
For He has not despised or abhorred
the affliction of the afflicted,
and He has not hidden His face from him,
but has heard, when he cried to Him.
From You comes my praise in the great congregation;
my vows I will perform before those who fear Him.
The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied;
those who seek Him shall praise the LORD!
May your hearts live forever!
All the ends of the earth shall remember
and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
shall worship before You.
For kingship belongs to the LORD,
and He rules over the nations.
All the prosperous of the earth eat and worship;
before Him shall bow all who go down to the dust,
even the one who could not keep himself alive.
Posterity shall serve Him;
it shall be told of the Lord to the coming generation;
they shall come and proclaim His righteousness to a people yet unborn,
that He has done it.

That is the God I serve. That is the God I adore. The God who stooped low, who poured Himself out to bring wretched sinners into righteousness. And that is why I will joyfully proclaim His righteousness to people just recently born tomorrow. May our preschool room resound with His praises!!

Why Good Friday is Good

Today is a Christian holy day called "Good Friday." As a kid, I was confused by this name-- I thought it should be called Black Friday, because the sky went dark for three hours when Jesus died. But of course that name has already been taken by the day after Thanksgiving, when Americans celebrate shopping.

Why would a major religion celebrate the day on which its main figure dies a shameful, public, excruciating death? And why would it be called "Good?"

We call it good because Jesus' death saved the world. Christ died on the cross for us in our place, bearing for us the penalty of sin which we would have to bear but for His substitutionary death.(Mark 10:45; Rom 5:6-8; 2 Cor 5:14; Gal 3:13; 1 Peter 3:18) Those of us who believe in Christ are spared the punishment of eternal death because Christ bore our sins and was punished on our behalf.(John 5:24; Rom 4:25) That is really good news for a sinful, broken world.

But mostly, we call it Good Friday (even though I think it was actually a Thursday, but that's another blog post) because of what happens on Sunday. Check this out.

Scripture Saturday: Hannah

Now there was a certain man from Ramathaim-zophim from the hill country of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives: the name of one was Hannah and the name of the other Peninnah; and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.

Now this man would go up from his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice to the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests to the LORD there. When the day came that Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and her daughters; but to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, but the LORD had closed her womb. Her rival, however, would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. It happened year after year, as often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she would provoke her; so she wept and would not eat. Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”

Then Hannah rose after eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the temple of the LORD. She, greatly distressed, prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly. She made a vow and said, “O LORD of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and a razor shall never come on his head.”

Now it came about, as she continued praying before the LORD, that Eli was watching her mouth. As for Hannah, she was speaking in her heart, only her lips were moving, but her voice was not heard. So Eli thought she was drunk. Then Eli said to her, “How long will you make yourself drunk? Put away your wine from you.” But Hannah replied, “No, my lord, I am a woman oppressed in spirit; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have poured out my soul before the LORD. Do not consider your maidservant as a worthless woman, for I have spoken until now out of my great concern and provocation.” Then Eli answered and said, “Go in peace; and may the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him.” She said, “Let your maidservant find favor in your sight.” So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.

Then they arose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD, and returned again to their house in Ramah. And Elkanah had relations with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. It came about in due time, after Hannah had conceived, that she gave birth to a son; and she named him Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked him of the LORD.”

Then the man Elkanah went up with all his household to offer to the LORD the yearly sacrifice and pay his vow. But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, “I will not go up until the child is weaned; then I will bring him, that he may appear before the LORD and stay there forever.” Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to you. Remain until you have weaned him; only may the LORD confirm His word.” So the woman remained and nursed her son until she weaned him. Now when she had weaned him, she took him up with her, with a three-year-old bull and one ephah of flour and a jug of wine, and brought him to the house of the LORD in Shiloh, although the child was young. Then they slaughtered the bull, and brought the boy to Eli. She said, “Oh, my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you, praying to the LORD. For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the LORD; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the LORD.” And he worshiped the LORD there. --1 Samuel 1

Great Saturday Event

This is horribly short notice, but if you are in Austin, you should come to tomorrow's meeting of the city-wide Adoption Community Group. Here's the info:

Lingering questions, doubts, concerns about adopting or fostering a child? Or have you already adopted/fostered and have experience to share? Adoption Community Group is setting the stage for an open, free-for-all, Q&A. In both large and small groups, we will discuss everything from "will I love an adopted child like I love my biological child?" to "if we have an open adoption, will my child feel confused or will I have to share being a mommy?" to "how do I know if my child is attaching to me?" Bring your questions and your experiences and join us March 31, 2012, 9:30AM - 11:30AM.

Small groups will include topics such as Open Adoption, Foster-to-Adopt, Adoption from Africa, Single Parent Adoption/Fostering, and Attachment.

Grace Covenant Church is hosting this month's ACG.
Adoption Community Group
Open Q&A
Saturday, March 31, 9:30AM - 11:30AM
Meeting location: Grace Covenant Church's main Worship Center building.

We hope you will join us!

Seasons

I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. --Ecclesiastes 3:10-11

There is much that delights me in this particular season of my life. I love having the time and life-space to volunteer at my church, to babysit friends' children, to check in on my younger sister. Helping other people is one of the top joys of my life, and I adore the fact that I have the time to do it often right now.

I am not as keen on the waiting aspect of this season. Sometimes it feels as though everything in my life is completely unsettled. That is an exaggeration, but it does feel that way sometimes. I feel adrift--waiting to see what will happen in several major life areas. And it is hard to wait for things that I want so much and yet have zero control over.

So I am working on trusting God, which is often a minute-by-minute dedication. It helps enormously that I can look back on my life and see His goodness and faithfulness again and again. And it is tremendously reassuring to know that He is sovereign, and my life is much better off in His hands than mine. His ways are hidden, but they are good.

Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. --Matthew 6:31-33

Wait Upon the Lord

A lot has been going on this week, and by God's good grace, the following Chris Tomlin song has been stuck in my head:

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:28-31

Too Attached to Routine?

My younger sister, Anne, who has Down Syndrome, often gives me insights into rolling with special needs punches. I am not saying that kids with a history of trauma are intellectually deficient, but it is often the case that trauma (and the resulting survival skills) shuts down the more advanced-thinking areas of the brain during times of stress. It's the old "you don't need to do calculus equations when you're running from man-eating predators" switch in the brain that ensured mankind's survival for all those dodgy prehistoric eons.

One thing that continually puzzles/infuriates me is Anne's inability to understand future events. She simply cannot conceptualize future happenings the same way she understands current or routine happenings. She has a wall calendar that helps, but trying to plan an outing or a trip home with her is a complicated process that extends over many days and many conversations. To cope with this, she prefers a very strict routine. Very strict. And she cannot really comprehend suggestions for potential deviations from that routine.

For example, her birthday falls on Easter Sunday this year, so we are moving the birthday celebration to the following day. We do this often in our family, as we have complicated schedules and several holiday-adjacent birthdays. And always, moving a birthday means more of a celebration rather than less of one (except, unfortunately, in the case of my older sister, whose May birthday almost always coincided with a holiday, a graduation, or an exam period). But Anne is currently in a huff, thinking we are skipping her birthday.

Even more hilariously, however, was her response to my offer earlier today:

Me: "What would you think about getting together for lunch this Friday?"
Anne: "I can't. I go bowling at 1."
Me: "I always bring you back by 1. We'll have plenty of time. Or we could do a picnic so you'll be right on campus and not even a minute late for bowling."
Anne: "I am in Group 1. We are bowling this Friday. It takes my whole day, sorry."
Me: "Okay, what if we did dinner and a movie instead? I can pick you up after you get back from bowling at 3."
Anne (exasperated and faintly condescending): "Carly, Friday night is my laundry night."

Yup, I just got stood up for laundry. I did launch into a short, destined-to-fail argument that she do her laundry at my house while we had dinner and chatted or watched a movie. No dice. And did I mention? She has two laundry nights a week, so it wouldn't really be putting her behind at all to miss one.

Time is, apparently, a complex concept. My nephew went through a long phase in his toddler-hood where every story that ever happened in his entire life happened "yesterday." It takes higher-level reasoning to comprehend time, and particularly to envision, plan for, and rearrange, future time. And while it drives me absolutely nuts when Anne can't deviate from her routine for even a blasted millisecond, I understand that her routine is what keeps her world predictable, manageable, and safe. When her schedule is disrupted, it freaks her out. When she doesn't know when she is supposed to be somewhere, she cannot handle it. I have learned that even saying "we'll go as soon as I've finished ____" is too complicated, and I've been known to just pick an arbitrary time if I don't have one planned already. Instead of saying, "just let me put my shoes on, and then we'll go for a walk," I've learned to say, "In five minutes, we will go for a walk."

Working with "kids from hard places," I have noticed this same inability to think beyond rightthisverysecond. Try saying "we can't go swimming until it is warmer outside," and you will get a kid standing outside asking over and over, "Is it warm enough yet?" And as you can imagine, that gets annoying really quickly.

So what can we do? ROUTINE. Make your life as predictable as possible. Transition between activities with painstaking babysteps. Give directions one at a time. One suggestion I heard and loved was to have the day planned out on flashcards that the kid could hold. And one card would say "wild card!" It would cover anything unexpected, and would have written on it (or in pictures for younger kids) some coping strategies for when something unexpected happens.

Routine can be boring. It can be frustrating that you can't just take your sister out to dinner because that would infringe on her sacred rite of laundry. But it makes her world stable. It reduces her stress. With kiddos, it reduces tantrums and, over time, dismantles the fear response and brings the higher-functioning areas of the brain slowly into play. And that's worth a few commitments to predictability.