2011, Exeunt

Farewell, 2011. I didn't like you much, and I'm glad to see you go.

In 2011, five of my favorite people in the whole world moved 1700 miles away.

In 2011, I waited months for an internship and was instead offered the opportunity to "volunteer." (And still have no idea what the deal is with that...)

In 2011, I was told my beloved dog had terminal cancer.

In 2011, I became licensed to adopt out of foster care only to learn that the brothers I had prayed for over three months had a forever home, just not with me.

In 2011, I have had more days of knock-down, face-to-the-floor misery than I ever remember having (with the possible exception of my fifteenth year, which is just all-out rotten for everyone).

And, fittingly, 2011 ends with my getting a nasty email from my younger sister, who is always sweet and loving to everyone.

Good riddance, 2011. You stunk.

If God wills it,

In 2012 I will graduate from seminary.

In 2012 I will join the ranks of those who get paid for the work they do (though I have no idea what that work will be...)

In 2012, my dog will live beyond March and prove those mean ol' vets wrong (he seems hale and hearty and well on track to do this, praise God!).

In 2012 I will become a mother. (cue symphonic rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus)

And if, for some reason, all those fail...if, somehow, I die or the world ends or both...then I will be with Jesus, and that will be the best thing of all.

2012, I am ready for you. I love you already.

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith, so that your proud confidence in me may abound in Christ Jesus through my coming to you again. --Philippians 1:21-26

Seven: the most surprising thing

Perhaps the most surprising thing about Jen Hatmaker's book, Seven, has been the extent to which it has messed me up. It has wrecked me.

And frankly, I thought I was doing fine at this whole Christian thing. I mean, good grief: I'm in seminary; I intern at a Christ-exalting church; I support missionaries; I teach the gospel to four-year-olds every week; I serve the needy; I'm adopting kids out of foster care. I don't listen to Christian radio, but other than that, I thought I was doing rather well, truth be told.

And then the Holy Spirit used Seven to shine a giant spotlight on my soul and show me just how far from gospel-living I actually am. And let me tell you, it has utterly messed me up.

Because here's the confession: I thought I was doing enough. I saw the narrow road God was calling me to, and I stepped out boldly. Adopt the 'unadoptable;' help them heal; teach others to do the same. And I thought, that's my thing, the orphan crisis. Other Christians are called to the nations. Other Christians are called to help the poor. Other Christians are called to (fill in the blank).

Let me tell you, adopting out of foster care? That's major. It's massive. In the eyes of the world, it's enough. But in the eyes of God? It's a great start. But it's not enough.

Nicky Gumbel, the founder of the Alpha course (a video series that was instrumental in bringing me to faith) has an illustration that I think is brilliant. He says, look at that pillar (he's in a giant British cathedral). We all tend to rank our "goodness" on this earth by comparisons to other humans. So if Hitler is at the bottom of the pillar, and we are near the middlish-top, then we feel pretty good about ourselves. What we don't realize is that God's standard of holiness is out on Pluto, and we're measuring ourselves in inch increments on that pillar. Not one of our acts, even at our best, is even remotely holy. As Isaiah records in 64:6, "All our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment." And believe me, the Hebrew here means the grossest, most vile piece of fouled fabric they could think of.

The best we can do is trash. And yet--Christ's gift of grace, eternal life, sanctification, etc is so far beyond the most precious thing imaginable. In the face of that gift, how can we be selfish? How can we be distracted? How can we say, this is enough?

Seven reminded me that we can't. The thing about loving your neighbors more than yourself? You'll never run out of neighbors or out of things to do to show them the love of Christ. You're never done. And though that fact has wrecked me this week, it is also another part of that unfathomable gift Christ has given us. We are not done; we are never done, this side of eternity. We get our four-score or however many years to join in God's unimaginably fantastic mission in this world, and how dare we grudge Him a minute of our wholehearted participation (though of course I do daily).

Suffering, persecution, inconvenience, struggle, mockery, misunderstanding, difficulty, pain: these are gifts. We hate them when we're in them, but afterwards we praise God for the privilege of experiencing them. Paul is forever ranting about this; Peter celebrates it in his every word. Seven reminded me of it; my soul rebelled against it; the Spirit within me fought for it. I pray He will continue fighting.

This struggle we engage in half-willingly, this struggle to be holy as Christ is holy, it is violently uncomfortable. But it is sacred. It is joyful. It is our only proper response to the overwhelming sacrifice that Christ has made to claim us as His own.

Lord God, help us surrender fully to it.

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 3:7-14

An Unexpected Outcome of Reading Jen Hatmaker’s book, Seven

I promise I have lots of pithy spiritual wisdom to share thanks to reading and rereading Seven over the past few days. But for now I thought I’d share one unexpected, highly delicious, and definitely life-changing result of reading the book.

In the first chapter, Jen relates her experience of spending a month eating only seven foods: eggs, chicken, spinach, sweet potatoes, avocados, apples, and whole wheat bread. In the course of her research, she discovered just how much bizarre and unhealthy junk goes into store-bought “whole wheat” bread. Appalled at this nutritional counterfeit, she attempted to make her own whole wheat bread. Unfortunately, it didn’t really work.

Most people would read a chapter on fasting and be inspired to fast. I read it and was inspired to bake whole wheat bread. More on that contrariness in the promised pearls of wisdom posts ahead. =)

On to the bread making bit! It turned out that my mom had a goal of making real homemade bread as well (she’s made bread-maker bread since I was a kid, which is delicious, but was ready to step things up a notch). She had an instructional video and some serious kitchen equipment, so this afternoon she dug it all out and we got cracking. Technically, we got milling, because we actually milled our own whole wheat flour from whole wheat kernel thingys. All my life I’ve hated shopping, been terrified of “crafts,” and run screaming from anyone who says they “scrapbook.” I’m not a girly girl. But I think we can all agree I just won back some major womanhood points with that simple phrase: we milled our own flour.

I could describe the bread making step-by-step, but it would be a pretty boring description. Here’s the crazy part: it wasn’t hard. It was a pretty simple process. It took a little over two hours total, but two hours of that time was spent waiting for the bread to rise and/or bake. So you could easily be bopping through other projects while you waited for it to rise. We did use a big mixer with a special dough hook, but concluded that you could easily do one loaf at a time by hand (we made five loaves in one batch, so were grateful for the mixer).

Here’s the even crazier part: the loaves came out looking gorgeous (that's the real bread we made in the picture!), the whole house smelled amazing, and the bread is quite possibly the most delicious baked item I have ever tasted. We ate a loaf of it for (not with) dinner. And the ingredients for all five loaves came out to about $1.50 total. We were thrilled, proud, and full. =)

We are never buying bread again. And if I ever get to meet Jen Hatmaker, I’ll be the weirdo who hands her armfuls of fantastic homemade wheat bread!

Still Chewing

I know I promised a series of posts going chapter by chapter through Jen Hatmaker's new book, Seven. And they're coming. But I'm still chewing it all over, and I haven't reached the "coherent response" stage yet. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be able to give it a start at least. =)

Jen Hatmaker's Seven, A Review

I got an email this morning from Jen Hatmaker, sending me an advanced copy of her book, Seven, for me to read and review. Cue running through the house squealing like a little kid on Christmas morning (which, honestly, I would have done if Jen Hatmaker had emailed me anything, even if it was accidental spam). Then, because I am blissfully single and do not yet have children, I was able to drop what I was doing, fumble my way through downloading the galley, and begin reading it immediately. I read it all in one sitting, stopping twice for food and once to plug in my laptop so I could keep reading. Yes, it hijacked my day. And yes, it was worth it.

I will need to read it again. I kept stopping and staring off into space while my brain raced at warp speed, thinking through potential implications, applications, responses, excuses, excuse-squashing responses, feeble attempts by the excuses to resurface, repeat cycle, etc. And I can’t possibly review it adequately in just one blog post. So today’s post will be an overview, and then I’ll spend the next seven days digesting one chapter per day.

First of all, buy this book and read it. Seriously. Whoever you are, read this book. Yes, it is written by a Christian and its subject is living out Christianity, but its universally relevant subject matter is that the things we think will make us happy are actually making us miserable and here’s what we can do about it (and even take it a step further and make others happy at the same time!). And frankly, having spent 15 years as an atheist disgusted with the un-Christ-likeness of Christians, I can tell you that an atheist could read this book and be profoundly changed by it.

But wait a second, you say, what is this book? Here is Jen’s description, “Drowning in tension over our own materialism and losing the battle against consuming, we decided to go radical for a year and see what God would do. Boiling seven areas of excess down to just seven choices in seven months, we put our greed and apathy on the table and said, ‘God, transform us.’ Somehow against all odds, the project was completed, the words were written, and Seven is now a book.” The book chronicles the “experimental mutiny against excess” as lived out in the Hatmaker household over seven months. Each month, they focused on eliminating (or limiting) one area of excess: food, clothes, waste, possessions, media, shopping, and stress.

Sound crazy? Yep! Except it’s the kind of crazy awesome that the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on was. You rode that thing until your brain was scrambled and your stomach had flipped inside out, and yet you wanted to get right back on and go again when it was over. Having read Seven, I can tell you, my brain feels scrambled. My stomach feels inside out with the bizarre mixture of fear and excitement that comes when you hear a command from God that goes against culture so radically you just know obeying it is going to be the wildest, most terrifying, most life-changing thing you’ve done to date. And I want to go back, read it again, and experiment with implementing some of the crazy ideas this whip smart, hilarious, fundamentally real lady is talking about.

Seven could easily be a very preachy, self-righteous, boastful book. It most emphatically is not. Jen writes with such a candid self-awareness, such an utterly disarming ability to find vast comedy in her own shortcomings, with such an “everything good is God’s and here’s how I manage to get in His way” transparency that it’s impossible to be intimidated by what is in fact bold obedience and brilliant writing. And though the content could be sermon-y, her writing refuses to be simply read and put aside. I was jumping from “read” to “think” to “do” immediately, often mid-sentence.

This is not just another Christian book to place absentmindedly on your nightstand, to discuss and discard over coffee with your small group, or to read, process, and forget. It is a call to arms that doesn’t feel pushy, and I can’t quite figure out how she managed it. I think perhaps it is that Jen articulates tensions many of us have been feeling for a while, and haven’t really known what to do with. What is unique and important about her approach though is that she goes beyond “here is the problem.” Through this experiment, she offers ways to make room for the Holy Spirit to trounce all over those tensions and get us doing something. This book isn’t a system or a seven step plan to simplify your life. It is a book that will make you think. Deeply. It will make you uncomfortable and grateful for the discomfort. It will make you wonder just how far you are willing to walk in obedience to God, and it will make you excited about where He might ask you to place your next footfall. It will encourage you that there are a million small things you can do now to reclaim the idea of living like Jesus, for real.

I have a lot more to process about this book, as you’ll see in the next seven days. But I can tell you one thing for certain. I’ll bet you anything I will look back at 2012 as the year that happened after I read Seven.

God Bless Us, Every One

“And how did little Tim behave?” asked Mrs. Cratchit, when she had rallied Bob on his credulity, and Bob had hugged his daughter to his heart’s content.
“As good as gold,” said Bob, “and better. Somehow he gets thoughtful, sitting by himself so much, and thinks the strangest things you ever heard. He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.”
Bob’s voice was tremulous when he told them this, and trembled more when he said that Tiny Tim was growing strong and hearty.
His active little crutch was heard upon the floor, and back came Tiny Tim before another word was spoken, escorted by his brother and sister to his stool before the fire; and while Bob, turning up his cuffs—as if, poor fellow, they were capable of being made more shabby—compounded some hot mixture in a jug with gin and lemons, and stirred it round and round and put it on the hob to simmer; Master Peter, and the two ubiquitous young Cratchits went to fetch the goose, with which they soon returned in high procession.

At last the dinner was all done, the cloth was cleared, the hearth swept, and the fire made up. The compound in the jug being tasted, and considered perfect, apples and oranges were put upon the table, and a shovel-full of chestnuts on the fire. Then all the Cratchit family drew round the hearth, in what Bob Cratchit called a circle, meaning half a one; and at Bob Cratchit’s elbow stood the family display of glass. Two tumblers, and a custard-cup without a handle.
These held the hot stuff from the jug, however, as well as golden goblets would have done; and Bob served it out with beaming looks, while the chestnuts on the fire sputtered and cracked noisily. Then Bob proposed:
“A Merry Christmas to us all, my dears. God bless us!”
Which all the family re-echoed.
“God bless us every one!” said Tiny Tim, the last of all.
He sat very close to his father’s side upon his little stool. Bob held his withered little hand in his, as if he loved the child, and wished to keep him by his side, and dreaded that he might be taken from him.
“Spirit,” said Scrooge, with an interest he had never felt before, “tell me if Tiny Tim will live.”
“I see a vacant seat,” replied the Ghost, “in the poor chimney-corner, and a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child will die.”

--A Christmas Carol

Scripture Saturday: Christmas Eve

"Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among those with whom He is pleased.”

When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them."

--Luke 2:1-20

One Down, Two to Go

I just finished my coursework for the class I've been taking this semester, Acts and Pauline Epistles. So forgive me for not posting yesterday; I was frantically writing a twenty-page paper on Galatians and taking a truly humbling final exam (do you know who the heck Jason was?)

I now have a week off to rest my addled brain, soothe my bruised ego, and somehow read 1,276 pages on eschatology.

Yikes.

You know, with all the insane amount of reading, writing, and general fact-absorption, you would think seminary would have taught me a bunch of what Texans call "book-learnin'." I hope I will look back eventually and say, "gosh, I sure learned a lot from those textbooks, let me recite some of my amazing knowledge for you." But honestly, what I have learned most about in seminary is my own character (the good, the bad, the ugly, and the depressingly-bad-at-remembering-dates) and, much more importantly, the character of God. I have been amazed and humbled beyond anything I ever could have imagined, over and over again.

And I guess that makes all the fire-hose-lecture-enduring, last-minute-endless-paper-writing, and sweating-blood-over-Greek-paradigms worth it.

Does it?
Yes.
Definitely.
I think.

=)

Unadoptable is Unacceptable

Psalm 143

Hear my prayer, O LORD,
Give ear to my supplications!
Answer me in Your faithfulness, in Your righteousness!
And do not enter into judgment with Your servant,
For in Your sight no man living is righteous.
For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in dark places, like those who have long been dead.
Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart is appalled within me.

I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all Your doings;
I muse on the work of Your hands.
I stretch out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You, as a parched land.
Selah.

Answer me quickly, O LORD, my spirit fails;
Do not hide Your face from me,
Or I will become like those who go down to the pit.
Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning;
For I trust in You;
Teach me the way in which I should walk;
For to You I lift up my soul.
Deliver me, O LORD, from my enemies;
I take refuge in You.

Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God;
Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
For the sake of Your name, O LORD, revive me.
In Your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble.
And in Your lovingkindness, cut off my enemies
And destroy all those who afflict my soul,
For I am Your servant.

Longings After God

Today has been a day of big ups and big downs. Big up: I got my foster care license! I am officially approved to be a parent! Big down: the brothers I have been praying to adopt are already in an adoptive home. I know, that’s a huge up for them. Rationally, I am really happy that they have a potential forever home; it is what I have been praying for them for months now. But, I grieve. Those boys have been in my thoughts all day every day for a long time. I am so thrilled that they will have a forever family, but I am sad that they won’t be in mine.

If I didn’t believe in an all-powerful, all-prescient God, I’d be a wreck right now. I’d be running through a litany of “if only” thoughts, and I’d probably be mad and frustrated. Instead, I am sad but trusting, disappointed but hopeful. God knows the children who will become my sons and daughters in the decades ahead. He knows the number of hairs on their heads. He loves them already, and He loves me.

My Dear Lord,
I can but tell thee that thou knowest
I long for nothing but thyself,
Nothing but holiness,
Nothing but union with thy will.
Thou hast given me these desires,
And thou alone canst give me the thing desired.
My soul longs for communion with thee,
For mortification of indwelling corruption,
Especially spiritual pride.
How precious it is
To have a tender sense and clear apprehension
Of the mystery of godliness,
Of true holiness!
What a blessedness to be like thee
As much as it is possible for a creature to be like its Creator!
Lord, give me more of thy likeness;
Enlarge my soul to contain fullness of holiness;
Engage me to live more for thee.
Help me to be less pleased with my spiritual experiences,
And when I feel at ease after sweet communings,
Teach me it is far too little I know and do.
Blessed Lord,
Let me climb up near to thee,
And love, and long, and plead, and wrestle with thee,
And pant for deliverance from the body of sin,
For my heart is wandering and lifeless,
And my soul mourns to think it should ever lose sight of its Beloved.
Wrap my life in divine love,
And keep me ever desiring thee,
Always humble and resigned to thy will,
More fixed on thyself,
That I may be more fitted for doing and suffering.

--The Valley of Vision

Watch This

My sister recommended a documentary called Waiting for Superman about the crisis of public education that Americans face. I finally watched it this evening, and oh my goodness. It's available on Netflix Instant, and I urge you to take the time to watch it.

Kids in foster care in the US face seemingly insurmountable obstacles because of the trauma they have experienced and the effect it has had (and continues to have) on their brain chemistry, emotional development, and social coping skills. The foster system adds to that trauma by moving kids at least once, and sometimes up to a dozen times in their childhoods. One of the most significant traumas of moving is switching schools. I switched schools several times in my early education, but never in the middle of the year, always with great parental support, and always into supposedly "excellent" public schools. It still caused significant gaps and lurches in my early education (most of which worked out over time). Foster kids, on the other hand, are often uprooted in the middle of a semester to a different school, sometimes several times a year. Even with the best schools, this would create major difficulties for the student. When you consider that the schools we're talking about are usually some of the worst schools in a given district, the battle these kids face just to make it through a school day isn't just uphill--it's perpendicular.

This documentary stunned me, frustrated me, and ultimately left me completely depressed about the challenges children face. But it's still 100% worth a viewing. Watch it; it will change the way you look at things.

Scripture Saturday: A Gift from Romans

A few days ago, I was really struggling with my impatience over my foster care license. Spending day after day thinking "today, surely, it must be finished today" is a very wearying way to live. I was checking email every five minutes, finding it difficult to concentrate on any task, and generally just being fretful.

Into this stepped my beloved Jesus Calling. The devotional for that day spoke about hope. More importantly, it pointed me to Romans 8:23-25:

And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

Reading that, I thought, "whoa, just change 'adoption as sons' to 'adoption of sons' and that fits my feelings exactly!" And then I had a moment of conviction. I am focusing so much on what I want to do that I am forgetting what God has already done.

Yes, it is important for me to obey the call to adopt that God has given me. And yes, any adoptive parent will tell you that it is excruciating to know that a piece of paper is preventing their child from knowing he or she is loved, valued, and wanted. (It's not that simple, but it often feels like it is). But my primary calling is not to do God's work in this world--it is to appreciate His work in me. I can so easily get fixated on serving God that I forget all He sacrificed for me. It's the old Mary/Martha dilemma. I am so busy with preparations for obeying Him that I neglect to sit at His feet.

If I think about the gift God gave the world through Christ, His death, resurrection, and promise to return, then all my impatience should be for His second coming, not for the coming of my boys. If I focus on the wonderment and worship that the outpouring of His grace should invoke in me, then how can I be frustrated by earthly timetables? If I consider deeply what it means to be an adopted daughter of the Lord of all creation, how can I fret over the slowness of becoming an adoptive mother?

That passage in Romans reminded me of the great hope we have in Christ. And it reminded me where I ought to center my gaze--on the Creator rather than on the calendar, on my Savior rather than on my schedule.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His beauty and grace.

Chicken Noodle Soup Recipe

I’ve been sick for over a month now, and have been getting worse lately rather than better, so I finally went to the doctor yesterday to get some medicine. (I’m stubborn about sickness, and only went to the doctor because my mom told me to). He diagnosed both a sinus infection and bronchitis, which were followed this morning by a bad reaction to the antibiotics (fun!).

The combination pretty much wrecked my day and kept me from going to a party I had really been looking forward to attending. The one upside is that I was motivated, after about six hours of groaning pathetically on the couch, to make myself some chicken noodle soup. It’s the first time I’ve ever made it, and it was awesome, so I thought I would share my recipe.

I’m a picky eater and don’t usually like soups, the exceptions being chicken noodle, tomato, and potato/leek. So if you have a picky eater in the house, you’ll see I’ve made notes for adapting it to his/her tastes.

Here’s what you’ll need:

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (for those of us who’d rather not deal with a chicken carcass while sick)
2 strips of bacon (uncooked)
2 large cloves of garlic
½ a large onion
3 tablespoons of butter
Carrots
Green beans
Frozen peas
Chicken stock, 32 oz. (I like the Kitchen Basics brand—it’s very flavorful)
Pasta (use whichever kind is the majority favorite—I used angel hair)
1/8 cup half n half
Grated parmesan cheese
Salt (I hate black pepper, but add it if you like it)
Other herbs to taste (I used dill, because I like it, but you can use whatever you want)

This recipe will easily feed a family of four, more if you double the amount of chicken stock (which most people will want to do). It is simple to make this dairy free--just substitute olive oil for the butter and leave out the half and half and cheese. You could make it vegetarian by using vegetable stock and leaving out the chicken, and by adding miso or potatoes if you wish.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Place the chicken breasts in a shallow glass dish and top with the bacon strips. [Picky eaters may not like the flavor of the bacon, which is strong. But I would wager most men will love it. Use it or don’t, whichever works for you.] Cook the chicken in the oven for 30 minutes.

While the chicken is cooking, melt the butter over medium heat in whatever pot you’ll be using for the soup. Add the garlic (I put it through a garlic press because I don’t like chunks, but you can just smash or dice it if you’d rather) and lower the heat so it doesn’t burn. Chop the onion (I like it in small squares) and add it to the pan. Chop the carrots (I chopped them roughly in a food processor, which was quick and easy). The amount of carrots depends on how much you like carrots. I used about ¾ of a bag of baby carrots. Once the onions are mostly translucent, add the carrots and cover. (Keep an eye on it though, or it may burn). If you want to use other vegetables like celery and potatoes, add those now as well. This was also the stage at which I added fresh dill. Once the carrots are slightly softened, add the chicken stock and any herbs you’ve chosen. This soup comes out pretty dense, more like a stew, so if you want it to be more soupy, increase the amount of chicken stock (doubling it will make it a more traditional chicken soup consistency). Let this simmer for a while on low heat, stirring occasionally. Put a pot of water (for the pasta) on the stove so it has time to come to a boil.

By now, the chicken should be done. Take it out of the oven and chop it up. I again used the food processor, because I like things small and shredded rather than in chunks, but go with your family’s preference. (I finished cooking the bacon in a small frying pan and then gave some to my dog, who was half crazed by the yummy smells emanating from the kitchen. You could save it and sprinkle it on top of the soup or just nibble on it while you cook.) Add the chicken to the soup. Stir it around for a while and season as needed. Add the half and half if you are using it, stir. Add the green beans (frozen chopped green beans work best here).

You will want the pasta to be almost ready by now. I use the fresh kind you get in the grocery store (it’s refrigerated) because the angel hair cooks in under a minute, which is awesome. If you went with a longer cooking kind, you’ll want to put it in the water earlier in the process. I cook the pasta separately because this keeps it from getting overcooked and mushy in the soup pot and is also great for allowing picky eaters to choose their own pasta-to-soup ratio. Add the green peas to the soup (again, the frozen kind work best). When your pasta is finished cooking, drain it and put it to one side. Once the peas look cooked through, your soup is ready!

Put however much pasta people want into the bowls and ladle the soup over top. Stir it together in the individual bowls, sprinkle with the parmesan cheese, and enjoy!

Waiting Still...

To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in You I trust,
Do not let me be ashamed;
Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed;
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.

Make me know Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.
Remember, O LORD, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
According to Your lovingkindness remember me,
For Your goodness’ sake, O LORD.

Good and upright is the LORD;
Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in justice,
And He teaches the humble His way.
All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth
To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
For Your name’s sake, O LORD,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

Who is the man who fears the LORD?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
His soul will abide in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him,
And He will make them know His covenant.
My eyes are continually toward the LORD,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses.
Look upon my affliction and my trouble,
And forgive all my sins.
Look upon my enemies, for they are many,
And they hate me with violent hatred.
Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.
Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all his troubles.

Psalm 25

Something I'd Never Thought About

I love Kristen Howerton's blog, Rage Against the Minivan. Throughout December, she's been posting a series called "What I Want You to Know." In it, people write in with what they wish others would know/think about. It's fantastic, and I have been challenged by every single post.

Yesterday, the post was written by an orphanage worker. Her essay is astounding and really convicted me big time. I confess I had never even thought about the feelings of the orphanage workers, and that is awful. I encourage you to read the post, and maybe add this population to your prayers!!

Bunny Trail

So this post has nothing to do with adoption or foster care, but I had an interesting assignment in one of my classes, and I thought I'd post my response here.

In this interaction we will reflect on the roles of men and women in ministry. In 1 Timothy 2:8-15 Paul sets forth the expected role of men and women in the church. Create a post briefly addressing the following 3 questions.
What are the roles?
What reasons does Paul give as to why these roles are in place?
What implications does it have for today?

Here is my response:

I believe that the biblical role of men in the church is one of leadership and authority, while the biblical role of women in the church is one of support and submission. These roles are not dictated by ability, but by faithful obedience. Christ submitted to the will of God by choice, as a way of exalting and honoring God. I believe women are called to submit to male pastoral leadership in the same way, to build up the body by allowing men to lead.

Paul cites Creation and the Fall to support his argument in this particular passage. Some have used this choice by Paul as a way of defending the view that women are inferior: created second, more prone to sin. What it points out to me, however, are the consequences that result when a man fails to lead and teach well. God gave Adam the instructions on which tree was forbidden, before Eve ever entered the world. (Gen 2:15-17) Presumably, it was Adam's duty to teach his wife about God's commandment, but it is clear from Eve's response to the serpent that Adam has not taught God's word verbatim. (Gen 3:3) Also, when the serpent tempts Eve, it is implied that Adam is standing silently beside her. (Gen 3:6) Adam fails to lead his wife in faithfulness to God in this interaction, with disastrous consequences. So I see Paul's use of the Fall as evidence not of woman's inferiority or greater propensity to sin, but as evidence of the consequences that result when men fail to take up the positions of teacher and leader.

The implications for today are endless. Both Christians and non-Christians have misused this passage throughout history to demean women or Christianity as a whole. There has been a great deal of harm done on both sides--those who emphasize submission and those who emphasize equality. For too long, the church and the anti-church have looked at this whole concept through a societal lens. And society, for almost its entire existence, has not treated men and women as equals. In the perfect world that God created, however, and in the way He views and loves them, men and women have equal value and worthwhile purpose.

I think what both extremes in this debate have lost sight of is the beautiful picture of holy submission that Christ gave and that we are to imitate. It does not lessen me if I "give up" certain "rights" in order to glorify God. All parts of a body have essential functions, and no function is greater than another, despite the various values society may place on one or another. When one function fails, the entire body suffers. I believe that men and women in the church need to re-examine their attitudes on this touchy issue. Our goal needs to be the placement of the needs and welfare of others before our own. One of those needs is the need to exercise the unique gifts God has given each of us, and one of those gifts is that of male pastors, elders, and teachers. (Eph 4:11)

If we seek to imitate Christ, then we should all, regardless of gender, seek to pour ourselves out for others, and to show the world a Christlike, selfless, and submissive love.

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

The Readiness is All

I'm enough of an English nerd to have a favorite soliloquy in Shakespeare's Hamlet. (And no, it's not the one you're thinking of.) It's a short speech given near the conclusion of the play. Hamlet's friend, Horatio, offers him a chance to escape the duel that is about to begin. The entire play has been building to this confrontation, but Hamlet feels uneasy as he approaches action. Horatio takes his misgivings seriously and assures Hamlet that he can get him out of the fight. Hamlet replies:

"Not a whit, we defy augury: there's a special
providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now,
'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be
now; if it be not now, yet it will come-- the
readiness is all: since no man knows aught of what he
leaves, what is't to leave betimes? Let be." (Hamlet, Act V, scene II)

[And since you should always see Shakespeare rather than just read him, you can watch the soliloquy here.]

It is a beautiful scene in the play. Hamlet, one of history's most impressive procrastinators, finally realizes that he must fulfill the mission given him by his father, even if it means his death. [Spoiler alert: he absolutely dies, as does pretty much every other character in the play.] He has stalled and stalled all through the play, trying to find ways to fulfill his charge without putting himself in harm's way. He has frittered away time, done significant damage to the most important relationships in his life, and basically been a giant dithering wuss. But in this moment, he realizes the imminence of his death, accepts it, and acts anyway. It is a bold, yet quiet moment of heroism, and I love it. He knows the worst that can happen, and he steps forward anyway for truth, justice, and a filial loyalty born of love.

As I sit in this season of waiting, I am comforted by the wisdom in this soliloquy. Hamlet declares that "the readiness is all." By this, he doesn't mean that it all comes down to the sword training he's been doing. He doesn't mean that his investigations and preparations have concluded and left him mightily prepared to triumph. What he means is that he knows death awaits him, and he is willing to accept that for the sake of what he stands for, what he is called to. The readiness he is talking about is the ability to face death in your fight and keep fighting.

So as I wait for my foster parent license to be finalized, I stand with Hamlet. Ready to suffer. Ready to sacrifice. Ready for heartbreak and hopelessness and hurt. Ready to be wounded as never before and to be healed as never before. Ready to see the Almighty strength of my Savior in the unending weakness of His servant. Ready to rely on the Providence that guides the stumbling sparrow.

And the readiness is all.

Who is among you that fears the LORD,
That obeys the voice of His servant,
That walks in darkness and has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
--Isaiah 50:10

Scripture Saturday: Advent Prayers

The two texts of 1 Samuel 2:1-10 and Luke 1:46-55 are unique passages of Scripture recording first person prayers to God from women. Each occurs as a response to a miraculous pregnancy, and both of the resulting sons are dedicated to God. Hannah’s son Samuel becomes a priest and prophet who anoints the first king and then the greatest king of Israel. Mary’s son comes as prophet, priest, king, and sacrifice. These momentous births change the history of Israel and the history of the world. Neither is announced with worldly proclamations or imperial decrees; instead, two remarkable women of faith fall to their knees, raise their arms to heaven, and praise the God who has given these miracles to the lowly.

Hannah’s song of thanksgiving and praise in 1 Samuel 2:1-10 is a rousing hymn of triumph, an exultation in the blessing of God. The song juxtaposes the arrogant and the humble, with a consistent warning to the arrogant that they will be brought low. Hannah clearly has her rival Peninnah in mind here, a woman who “would provoke her bitterly to irritate her.” (1 Sam 1:6) Hannah, though beloved by her husband, endured years of barrenness and the constant gloating of Peninnah, who had many children. In her song, Hannah is finally able to do a bit of gloating of her own, though she boasts in the Lord’s goodness and not her own merit. “My mouth speaks boldly against my enemies, Because I rejoice in Your salvation.” (1 Sam 2:1) In verses 3 through 9, Hannah warns the proud not to brag because all the good things they have come from the Lord. She repeats over and over again how the Lord delights in turning the tables on the arrogant, bringing them down while raising up the humble. “Those who were full hire themselves out for bread, But those who were hungry cease to hunger.” (1 Sam 2:5)

The main point of Hannah’s song, however, is not the elevation of the poor and humble, but rather the almighty power of God. The text does not give Hannah’s age, but there are clues in the text that imply she is no longer in her fertile youth. She is listed before Peninnah as Elkanah’s wife, which suggests she was his first wife. The theory of her advanced age is also supported by the fact that Elkanah loved her more than he loved Peninnah; (1 Sam 1:5) he may have married Peninnah so that he could have children once it became clear that Hannah was barren. Then the text indicates that Peninnah had many children, (and was therefore a wife for many years); Elkanah gives sacrifices for “all her sons and her daughters.” (1 Sam 1:4) Also, the phrase “year after year” implies that a significant amount of time has passed. (1 Sam 1:7) All this is to say that Hannah is fully aware of the miraculous nature of her pregnancy, and this leads her to praise God for His matchless power.

Hannah praises God for His power over circumstances throughout the song, giving examples of the ways in which He controls earthly resources. She also praises Him for His power of life and death, and for His judgment: “The Lord kills and makes alive; He brings down to Sheol and raises up.” (1 Sam 2:6) Continuing in the litany of praises to His power, she declares His power over creation: “For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, And He set the world on them.” (1 Sam 2:8) Hannah then ends her song of praise with a forceful image of the ultimate power of the God who will both judge and save: “Those who contend with the Lord will be shattered; Against them He will thunder in the heavens, The Lord will judge the ends of the earth; And He will give strength to His king, And will exalt the horn of His anointed.” (1 Sam 2:10) After experiencing a miracle pregnancy and birth, Hannah delights and trusts in the power and goodness of God’s plan, not just for her but for all people.

Mary, in the New Testament, responds to the news of her pregnancy with a similar outpouring of praise, and her song in fact echoes Hannah’s several times, both in language and in content. But where Hannah’s song was a triumphant paean to God’s power, Mary’s speaks with awe and reverence of God’s mercy. This attitude makes sense in terms of Mary’s character and circumstances. Unlike Hannah, she has not been pleading with the Lord for years for a pregnancy. She is young, unmarried, and her circumstances are overwhelmingly ordinary. Hannah’s pregnancy was miraculous; Mary’s redefines the term.

Clearly, Mary recognizes God’s power. She refers to Him as “the Mighty One,” and recalls that “He has done mighty deed with His arm.” (Luke 1:49, 51) Like Hannah, Mary recognizes that God has the power to manipulate circumstances in any way He pleases, and, again like Hannah, praises Him for so often flipping the world’s expectation of divine favor. “He has brought down rulers from their thrones, And has exalted those who were humble. He has filled the hungry with good things, And sent away the rich empty-handed.” (Luke 1:52-53) Yet while Hannah warned the arrogant and gloried in God’s triumph in her life, Mary emphasizes her own smallness and insignificance which the Lord has transformed into everlasting fame. “For He has had regard for the humble state of His bond slave For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.” (Luke 1:48) This sudden elevation fills Mary not with arrogance but with awe, and the humility and wonder of her response to the vastly important role God has given her shows the wisdom of His choice.

Repeatedly in the song, Mary praises God for His mercy. This focus demonstrates the fact that she understands God, in His infinite mercy, is sending Jesus into the world to save sinners who would be literally damned without Him. That one so young and humble would understand God’s plan and character to such a great extent is amazing. It is obvious from the language of her song that Mary knows the Scriptures by heart. “Her familiarity with the Word of God must have come from hearing it read regularly in the synagogue. It settled in her heart and was readily on her mind…”1 It is this knowledge, along with insight from the Holy Spirit, that gives her a truly remarkable awareness of the profound mercy involved in the coming of Christ. Hannah spoke of a king empowered and anointed by God; Mary speaks of a salvific deliverer sent from a loving and merciful God to all “those who fear Him.” (Luke 1:50)
________________________________________________________
1. John MacArthur, The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: Luke 1-5, (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2009), 73.

Just Say No

I am the Grinch who stole Christmas. More specifically, I am the horrible person who signed up to be a Secret Santa for a foster child and then emailed the lady and backed out. I know. I’m awful.

Here’s what happened. I assumed that being a Secret Santa meant buying one gift for a child. I was wrong. They sent me a specific list of seven presents I was to buy for this kiddo. I thought, well, that’s an awful lot of presents, and I don’t agree with inundating children with stuff, but okay.

Then I went to Target, filled with good intentions and serious misgivings, only to find that the first item on the list cost $60. Sixty bucks! That is more money than I have ever spent on a Christmas present for anyone. I thought, well, maybe it’s a fluke and the rest of the list is less expensive. Nope. Turned out that item wasn’t even the most expensive gift on the list (the list of seven things, remember). I went home, hopped on the internet and totaled it up. Buying everything on that list, through the cheapest website I could find, would cost over two hundred and fifty dollars!!!

Oh, and the child who would be the recipient of this insane load of presents? He’s two. Two years old. Have you ever seen a two year old on Christmas morning? They have more fun playing with the wrapping paper than the presents. I have so much sympathy for a child who has been harmed and removed from his parents’ care. But spending a month’s worth of grocery money on a load of presents for a two year old is just absurd.

So yes, I’m the Grinch. The Grinch who thinks kids these days have too many toys and not enough imagination and space to play. The Grinch who thinks Americans spend money in agonizingly irresponsible ways, especially during the holidays. The Grinch who refuses to believe that spending $250+ on one kid's Christmas is wise or helpful.

I’m still searching for cost-effective ways to serve this Christmas. I’ll keep you posted!

Read This

Well, not this post, this post.

I wish I had kids like that. I wish I'd been a kid like that.

And can I just say, I absolutely love how some courageous Christians are challenging this consumeristic cancer that Christmas has become??

Jon Stewart, the political guru of my generation, recently "declared war" on Christmas. And what he objected to had nothing to do with real Christmas. I think we can all declare war on the nightmarish glut-fest Christmas has become in the US.

Do I mourn the fact that everyone says "happy holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas?" Sure. Do I resent the fact that Christmas has become so taboo in public schools that elementary plays now revolve around things like turkey instead of the Nativity? Sure. Do I think it is anyone's fault but our own? Nope.

If Christmas is just the one day each year when we all get a bunch of presents, then boo on Christmas. I'll be as grinchy as can be.

Can we go back a couple millenia and reclaim Christmas? Can we remember the true gift that came at that first Christmas, the baby hailed as king, priest, and sacrifice? Let's take back Christmas!

Glorious now behold Him arise
King and God and Sacrifice
Alleluia, Alleluia
Earth to heav'n replies

O Star of wonder, star of night
Star with royal beauty bright
Westward leading, still proceeding
Guide us to Thy perfect light

Patience...

I am waiting for my paperwork, on the agency side, to be finished.

I am not waiting well. I would love to say that my days are filled with Scripture and prayer. But, unfortunately, I am not quite so far along the sanctification road as I would wish. I spend my days pacing like a tiger in a cage. Questioning God and hating myself for it. Raging silently against the system that is slow. I doubt everything and then realize I doubt nothing. I wrestle with the devil. I fume. I fret. I snap angrily at my dog. I hide myself away like a hermit.

I get it right sometimes. I remember God's faithfulness. I praise Jesus for redeeming me. I pray boldly for my boys.

But for the most part, I am hating this. Second by second, it is agony to be separated from these boys, to not know where they are or how they are doing. To think of their spending Christmas without the knowledge that they are loved, forever.

It is hard. And God is letting me sit and stew and rage in this. He is letting me hate every second of separation, of ignorance, of worry. And it is all, somehow, for my good and for His glory.

I don't get it. It doesn't make sense. And I hate it.

But I have learned, through a fairly rocky spiritual past, to trust this God I follow. I have learned that He is good, that even the most painful moments in my life exalt His holy name. And so I cling to that. And rage. And long. And hate.

And trust.

She pined in thought,

And with a green and yellow melancholy

She sat like patience on a monument,

Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?

--Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

Sinking Sand

I got some news today that is really great. It's fantastic. I'm excited about it, and it will mean amazing things for literally hundreds of people.

But, it also means that a plan I had that seemed mostly certain is now wildly uncertain. It gave me that feeling you get when you think there's another step in the staircase, and instead your foot comes thudding down and your stomach does that "whoops!" flip.

And in the midst of a stomach-troubling "now what?" of a day, God dropped a gift of exactly what I needed.

My church, The Austin Stone, released a live worship CD today. (The proceeds from the CD sales will all go toward ministry, not profit.) At 7pm, they live streamed the celebration/night of worship. So I got to sit on my couch under a pile of blankets and sing praise to the solid, strong, sustaining God I love so much.

There is a lot to worry about in this world. A lot, even for non-worriers like me. The only weapon I've found that can combat the million things that we worry about is worshiping the infinite goodness, power, and faithfulness of our great God.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
--Edward Mote

Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth.
Serve the LORD with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the LORD Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the LORD is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 100

Oh my word, again

Jen Hatmaker has done it again, God bless her.

I know I promised a post about sensory processing, but that is going to have to wait. Jen's latest blog post about Christmas just totally blew my mind. I suddenly find myself agreeing with the SNL character, the church lady. She declared that Santa, when rearranged, spells Satan. (I tried to find a clip of that episode, but couldn't, sorry!) Ok fine, I won't go so far as to say Santa is the work of the devil (or will I?), but I do get tired of saying to my preschoolers each Sunday "Whose coming do we celebrate at Christmas?" and hearing "Santa!" in return.

Christmas is going to be very different for my family this year. Five of us moved far away, and their places will be empty at the big dining room table. We will have too many leftovers. There will not be much under the tree. We will not hear high, piping voices squealing with delight accompanied by the sound of paper shredding in the background. And if we look at Christmas through the American lens, their absence will make the day heart breaking, lonely, and basically a big ol' bummer.

BUT... If, instead, we view Christmas as it was meant to be viewed, as a celebration of the birth of the Savior of the world, then our joy increases rather than decreases. Yes, we will miss those family members (a lot, to be honest). But what greater joy is there than what we have in Christ? If we focus Christmas on the gift of grace rather than the gift of stuff, then we can revel in gratitude, wonderment, and joy. Which I think was kinda the point anyway. =)

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we
Let all within us praise His holy name
Christ is the Lord!
Oh praise His name forever!
His power and glory evermore proclaim!

Sensory Processing Disorder

Tonight I had an experience which gave me a glimpse into what it is like to live with Sensory Processing Disorder. I will talk about that experience in detail in tomorrow's post, but thought I should give a basic definition of SPD first. Here is an excerpt from a book by one of the leading scientists in the field, Carol Kranowitz. Her book, The Out-of-Sync Child, is the best book out there on this topic. The following excerpt comes from her follow-up to that book, The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun.

“Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), also called Sensory Integration Dysfunction, occurs when the brain inefficiently processes sensory messages coming from a person’s own body and his or her environment. The person has difficulty responding in an adaptive way to everyday sensations that others hardly notice or simply take in stride.

Generally, the red flags of SPD are unusual responses to tactile, vestibular, and proprioceptive sensations—the sensations of touching and being touched, of moving and being moved. The senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, and tasting may be involved, too.”

A child with SPD “may misinterpret or be unable to use [sensory] information effectively. For instance, he may have a tantrum because the tag on his shirt scratches his skin—or, he may not notice that his pants are on backward. He may feel seasick swinging for a few seconds—or persist in swinging for a ‘million minutes.’ He may panic when the dog barks a greeting—or ignore the dog’s eagerness to knock him down. He may gag at food smells and textures—or cram all sorts of things, edible or not, into his mouth. He may shrink from visual stimulation such as flashing neon lights—or ignore the sight of rushing cars and run heedlessly into the street.”

More on this tomorrow, but in the meantime, I highly recommend Carol Kranowitz’s books!

Scripture Saturday: A Psalm in Readiness

Praise the LORD!
Praise, O servants of the LORD,
Praise the name of the LORD.
Blessed be the name of the LORD
From this time forth and forever.
From the rising of the sun to its setting
The name of the LORD is to be praised.
The LORD is high above all nations;
His glory is above the heavens.

Who is like the LORD our God,
Who is enthroned on high,
Who humbles Himself to behold
The things that are in heaven and in the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust
And lifts the needy from the ash heap,
To make them sit with princes,
With the princes of His people.
He makes the barren woman abide in the house
As a joyful mother of children.
Praise the LORD!
--Psalm 113

I don't know how, but somehow I completely missed the existence of this psalm. I only came across it today by searching "abide" at www.biblegateway.com

What a treasure! I kind of want to paint that last verse on my walls...

Praise the Lord indeed!!

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Advent, in More Ways Than One

I love the season of Advent. I refuse to do anything, hear anything, or taste anything even remotely Christmas-related until after Thanksgiving, but once December 1st hits, I am all in. I love the sights, smells, sounds of this season. Perhaps most of all, I love the fact that it is easier for me to devote myself to reading Scripture during this time of year than it is at any other time. There really isn't anything else like it in the secular or the church calendar. Advent is a time of waiting with hopeful expectation of joy. I'm betting that's how we're supposed to live all the time, waiting for the return of Christ. But I fail at that on a colossal scale, except during December, when the world cooperates. Even the tackiest, most tawdry decoration that the consumer-focused world around me coughs up reminds me that Christmas is coming. And by God's grace, I think of my joy in Jesus.

Advent is especially precious to me this year. I am eagerly anticipating the celebration of Christ's first coming, but I am also eagerly (and, it has to be said, impatiently) anticipating the coming of my children through adoption out of the foster care system (if God wills). It has been hard to wait. I'm not very good at waiting; I've never met anyone who is. It is even harder to wait not knowing where my boys are, if they are in a loving and familiar foster home or in a shelter, if they are happy and hopeful or despondent and despairing.

One of the best sermons I've ever heard was from Ben Stuart, who preached at a youth camp on "the fullness of time" from Galatians 4:4. He explained why Jesus coming exactly when He did was ideal and made sense. You can listen to a version of that sermon here. It is the October 25th sermon, titled (appropriately enough) “Adopted.” I encourage you to give it a listen.

It must have been hard for God to wait. To wait while His people were enslaved in Egypt for 400 years, crying out to Him for deliverance. To wait while they stumbled and sinned on an increasingly repulsive scale during the divided kingdom and the prophets. To wait while they grew in repentance in Babylon and longed for Jerusalem. To wait in silence as He moved the world toward a common language, safe roads, and a time of peace. (the clip Ben references on this can be found here)

It must have been excruciating for Jesus to wait. From birth til age 30, Jesus walked this earth seeing the pain and misery all around Him and knowing that He could help. Yet He waited until the time God had appointed for His ministry to begin. We often think of the unendurable pain of the last week of His life, but I think the days before He began His ministry must have been torture. To see the disease, carry the cure, and not reach out to save the desperate and dying must have been an unimaginable burden. Yet it shows the depth of His trust in the will and timing of God.

I struggle with this trust. I know I should trust God; I work and pray each day to trust Him more. Yet I itch with impatience. I fume with it. There are some days when I can hardly stand it, knowing I am so close to bringing these boys home and yet so far. Knowing that they have spent years waiting for a family, my heart breaks for every minute they continue on this earth without a mom. It's hard.

But Advent helps. Each year, the Dallas Theological Seminary puts together a devotional guide for Advent. Every day has a passage of Scripture and a short essay written by a DTS professor. For the past two years, it has been my dearest treasure. I thought that I would miss it this year, as I am not physically on campus. Silly me! The guide is posted online here. This year, the theme is the names of Jesus. Oh, it is so good! I have always found that the one thing that drives away worry and anxiety in my life is not prayer but worship. Focusing on the attributes of God during this time is sweet balm to my soul. I am nervous, impatient, frustrated, bound up with worry and waiting. God is all-powerful, all-present, all-perfect. With a giant sigh of relief, I can rest in that.

I pray that you will too.

Utterly Charmed

Today I was utterly charmed by the movie The Muppets.

It was absolutely delightful, both for the nostalgia it invoked and for the excellence of the writing. The Muppets strikes the rare balance between good family-friendly content and great entertainment. Pay the ticket price and maybe Hollywood will make more movies as excellent as The Muppets!

Enjoy!

Jesus Calling

A month ago, my dear friend Angie gave me a small book of devotional readings for each day of the year. That book was Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. As she gave it to me, she said it was miraculously timely in its application, and she was right, beyond my expectation.

The wonderful thing about this book is that it is written from the perspective of Jesus addressing His beloved. If I had known that before I read it, I would have thought it was a silly, fluffy imagining. I would have been very wrong. The truth is, I fall so easily into legalism that I constantly forget God’s immense grace and love for me. My awareness of my wretchedness goes beyond honesty into sin itself, and I am swift to believe that I am unlovable and irredeemable. This little book reminds me that I am righteous as Christ is righteous, and I am treasured as Christ is treasured. And that places its value beyond rubies.

This morning, I was struggling with a frustrating situation that has left me bewildered and questioning. I read the day’s devotion and realized I was trying to fix everything myself, which of course is frustrating! After reading it, I spent the day listening to God’s word as I drove around town, bathing not in my own insufficiency, but in God’s all-supremacy.

I thank God daily for Angie and for this little book!

“Problems are part of life. They are inescapable: woven into the very fabric of this fallen world. You tend to go into problem-solving mode all too readily, acting as if you have the capacity to fix everything. This is a habitual response, so automatic that it bypasses your conscious thinking. Not only does this habit frustrate you, it also distances you from Me.

Do not let fixing things be your top priority. You are ever so limited in your capacity to correct all that is wrong in the world around you. Don’t weigh yourself down with responsibilities that are not your own. Instead, make your relationship with Me your primary concern. Talk with Me about whatever is on your mind, seeking My perspective on the situation. Rather than trying to fix everything that comes to your attention, ask Me to show you what is truly important. Remember that you are en route to heaven, and let your problems fade in the Light of eternity.” Jesus Calling, November 30th

I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. --Psalm 32:8

But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” -- Luke 10:41-42

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? –Matthew 6:27

Two Things You Should Check Out

First, opportunities to serve the orphan this Christmas (in Austin). Read the following from Austin Stone's amazing For the City Network:

"This Christmas season, The For the City Network has 40+ ways for you to get involved and engage needs in our city for Jesus’ name.

We have several opportunities that serve the orphan and those in foster care:

• Lutheran Social Services: Foster Child Gift Sponsor (50+ sponsors still needed by THIS Sunday, 12/4)
• Caring Family Network: Foster Child Gift Sponsor (100+ sponsors needed by Sunday, 12/11)
• Caring Family Network: Party for Foster Families and Children (taking place 12/16)
• Hungry For God Home: Christmas Party (taking place 12/20)
• Hungry For God Home: Gift Sponsor (needed by Sunday, 12/18)
• Hungry For God Home: Candlelight New Year’s Eve Party (taking place 12/31)"

To find out more, visit the For the City website here. You can search the word "orphan" and you'll get the full list.

And second, this is a short video interview with pastor Darrin Patrick, leader of The Journey church in St. Louis and co-author of For the City. The interview is about the state of modern manhood and what the church can do about it. It's insightful--we could use more men stepping up!

Scripture Saturday: What the Locusts Have Stolen

Thirteen years ago, I was an atheist without a cause. I had a lot of unfounded anger, but nothing real to rail against.

Today, I stand in an entirely different reality. One in which I have been painfully redeemed by Christ. My gratitude cannot be expressed in human words. Suffice to say,

And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. --Ephesians 2:1-10

Thirteen years ago, my mother wrote these words: "When Marmee tucked the little volumes under her daughters' pillows under that long-ago New England night, it may well have been this little book, first published in 1794, that Jo's hand encountered the next morning. Treasured through the centuries since, and long out of print, it has been edited and reissued by another--and far more famous--BSF teaching leader. Jo called the small volume 'a true guidebook for any pilgrim going the long journey,' and I could equip you no better for the journey into noble womanhood on which you are so well started. Godspeed, my precious daughter."

Thirteen years ago, I was as far from God as I could get. Today I stand, a woman on an impossible journey, striving to live as God intends. The struggles ahead are daunting and defeating, but the power I carry with me is unbeatable. I praise the woman whose prayers brought me here, and whose faith carries me forward. I love you Mom.

Then I will make up to you for the years
That the swarming locust has eaten,
The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied
And praise the name of the LORD your God,
Who has dealt wondrously with you;
Then My people will never be put to shame.
Thus you will know that I am in the midst of Israel,
And that I am the LORD your God,
And there is no other;
And My people will never be put to shame.

--Joel 2:25-27

The Cashless Christmas Challenge

Today is Black Friday, a day which, to many Americans, means getting up crazy early (or this year, staying up crazy late) to flock in droves to the nearest megastores to buy Christmas presents. For me, it means staying home, cowering in fear at the very thought of leaving the house, much less joining the bargain-hunting millions at the mall. I hate shopping; I hate crowds; I hate waking up super early. So I have never spent a dime on Black Friday.

This year, after reading this blog post, I began to think to myself, “What if I don’t spend a dime at all this Christmas?” And the Cashless Christmas Challenge was born.

2011 has been a surprisingly expensive year for me. Moving expenses, Devo’s sudden vet expenses, and the foster prep expenses have all added up to make a fairly staggering outlay. And since I’m not making a salary at the moment (ah, the joys of required internships), I don’t have a lot of extra cash to throw around. So that’s one reason. Another reason is that, as I prepared my home for kiddos, most of my time was spent going through closets and cupboards and getting rid of stuff. And I didn’t have much stuff to begin with, just because I’m a simple kind of girl. But after spending months clearing out a bunch of stuff, I’m not very motivated to add stuff back in! I think most of us have far too much stuff, and it robs more often than it enriches.

What I don’t want this challenge to do is cause my friends and family to groan at the poor quality or white-elephantness of the gifts they get. The point is not just to be cheap—I really want to stretch my creativity and give gifts that are, if anything, more meaningful.

How will it work? Well, I came up with the following rules:

1. No re-gifting, unless it makes sense. This means I can’t spread junk around in an endless cycle. But if I have been given something that would make an amazing present for someone I know, then I can re-gift. If, for example, someone gave me some beautiful fabric, I could give it to my super-crafty sister, who is far more likely to use and enjoy it than I am.

2. Ingredients don’t count. In other words, I’m allowed to spend money on ingredients for presents I make myself. I’m a pretty decent cook, so I’ll probably put together some home-baked gifts for neighbors, coworkers, etc.

3. Make money, spend money. If I sell things I already have (books, clothes, etc), then I can spend the money I make on those to buy other things. This is the loophole that will enable me to buy the Austin Stone Live Worship CD. =)

4. I can buy gifts for those in need. There are a lot of opportunities to give to those who really do need presents this Christmas. And many of them will only accept new items (which makes sense). I will still try to fund this through selling some of my un-needed stuff though.

This sounds like a “tightening of the belt” type challenge, but I’m actually really excited about it. I love to give presents, and this makes me think much more creatively about what I’m putting together.

Plus, with these presents, there is far less chance that they will 1.) Require Adult Assembly 2.) Make a noise that evokes instant homicidal rage in every adult w/in a three mile radius 3.) Break before New Year’s

I’m excited to see how it all goes!