I have a lot to write about the Tapestry conference last Saturday, but to be honest, I am just too tired to process through it all coherently right now.
In the meantime, here is a video of an adoption story in the works. I love so much about this story--the joy of a family together, the powerful articulation of the gospel, the parallels with our own adoption in Christ. But I hate a lot about it too. I hate knowing that this little boy has to live separated from his family for possibly years while the paperwork machine grinds slowly. I hate thinking of the emotional fallout of tri-fold trauma: living in an orphanage, seeing parents once every three months, watching them leave again.
I hate the many obstacles in the world of orphan care that leave children lonely, bruised, wary. I know there are excellent reasons for some of these obstacles, reasons meant to safeguard the children. But I also know there is no way to explain that to a child's heart.
The world is broken. And all those who are trying to fix it are broken.
All we can do is cling to a God who is whole, who is holy, who restores.
Hear the word of the LORD, you nations;
proclaim it in distant coastlands:
‘He who scattered Israel will gather them
and will watch over his flock like a shepherd.’
For the LORD will deliver Jacob
and redeem them from the hand of those stronger than they.
They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion;
they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD—
the grain, the new wine, and the olive oil,
the young of the flocks and herds.
They will be like a well-watered garden,
and they will sorrow no more.
Then young women will dance and be glad,
young men and old as well.
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
Jeremiah 31:10-13
October 31, 2011
October 28, 2011
Ha ha ha
Walked into my hotel room in Irving (I'm here for the Tapestry conference tomorrow) to find a bowl of Hershey's chocolates on the desk. It's like they read yesterday's post. I'm no chocolate fiend, but a bowl in my hotel room? A for effort, enemy.
October 27, 2011
What's Really Scary About Halloween
You know how vegans are so passionate about animal rights that they go far beyond not eating meat to not ever wearing or paying for anything that even remotely harms an animal? They will spend more money on fake leather than most carnivores will spend on real leather. All for a cow. Now personally, I don't really care a lot about cows. (I know, I'm awful). Cows are not the brightest animal ever to walk the planet. They smell. They do bad things to our environment when they are gathered in large groups (methane, anyone?). Some of them will gore rodeo clowns (I've seen it; it's traumatic. And not for the cows.) Yet, for the protection of this pathetic, probably-would-be-extinct-if-they-hadn't-been-domesticated species, vegans will spend extra money, shop in hard to find places, and forgo the pleasures of eating things like steak and cheeseburgers. For cows.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not hating on vegans. I applaud their commitment, and have occasionally been one (though for selfish reasons, alas). It's just important to keep in mind how much these folks are willing to change their lives, to sacrifice, to ensure the safety of these dumb, stinky animals.
Now what if you were faced with similar (though I would argue much easier to bear) sacrifices in order to safeguard children? I'm not talking veal here either, I'm talking human children. What if something you were buying and eating was causing serious, jaw-dropping harm to young children? Wouldn't you want to one-up the vegans on this? Wouldn't you want to change what you buy, write to Congress, maybe even give unsolicited lectures in grocery stores?
A couple of days ago, I discovered (thanks to some awesome bloggers) that chocolate (seriously, chocolate) runs on child labor, child slavery, child prostitution. WHAT???!!! As my mom so adroitly put it, "Hershey's? In Pennsylvania???" Stunned doesn't even begin to describe my reaction. Turns out that the majority (overwhelming majority) of the chocolate that is sold in America is sourced from horrific conditions. And the companies (and consumers) don't seem to care. Ouch.
Now I'll be honest, I'm not a chocolate fiend. I can take it or leave it. I've never had a chocolate craving. I don't like chocolate cake. I don't like chocolate ice cream. [I know my girl-card is now in serious danger of being revoked.] I don't buy chocolate Halloween candy. [I buy sour candy, because I hate sour candy, and therefore am safe from the temptation to eat it all by October 31st.] But even if chocolate were my favorite thing in the whole world, I don't think [I hope, anyway] that I would eat it once I knew what making it meant for the children involved. I'm certainly not going to buy it now. And I hope you won't either.
For a passionate picture of what is going on, read more here. I didn't even make it halfway through the first portion of the BBC video before bursting into tears. If you just want the facts, read here.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not hating on vegans. I applaud their commitment, and have occasionally been one (though for selfish reasons, alas). It's just important to keep in mind how much these folks are willing to change their lives, to sacrifice, to ensure the safety of these dumb, stinky animals.
Now what if you were faced with similar (though I would argue much easier to bear) sacrifices in order to safeguard children? I'm not talking veal here either, I'm talking human children. What if something you were buying and eating was causing serious, jaw-dropping harm to young children? Wouldn't you want to one-up the vegans on this? Wouldn't you want to change what you buy, write to Congress, maybe even give unsolicited lectures in grocery stores?
A couple of days ago, I discovered (thanks to some awesome bloggers) that chocolate (seriously, chocolate) runs on child labor, child slavery, child prostitution. WHAT???!!! As my mom so adroitly put it, "Hershey's? In Pennsylvania???" Stunned doesn't even begin to describe my reaction. Turns out that the majority (overwhelming majority) of the chocolate that is sold in America is sourced from horrific conditions. And the companies (and consumers) don't seem to care. Ouch.
Now I'll be honest, I'm not a chocolate fiend. I can take it or leave it. I've never had a chocolate craving. I don't like chocolate cake. I don't like chocolate ice cream. [I know my girl-card is now in serious danger of being revoked.] I don't buy chocolate Halloween candy. [I buy sour candy, because I hate sour candy, and therefore am safe from the temptation to eat it all by October 31st.] But even if chocolate were my favorite thing in the whole world, I don't think [I hope, anyway] that I would eat it once I knew what making it meant for the children involved. I'm certainly not going to buy it now. And I hope you won't either.
For a passionate picture of what is going on, read more here. I didn't even make it halfway through the first portion of the BBC video before bursting into tears. If you just want the facts, read here.
October 26, 2011
Trauma and Recovery
Yesterday in a foster parent training I watched a documentary entitled "Healing Neen." It chronicles the life of a woman, Tonier Cain, who suffered extensive abuse, trauma, and neglect as a child. As an adult, her life was marked by drugs, prostitution, homelessness, and repeated incarceration. Miraculously, after nineteen years of this life, she entered a program of what is called trauma-informed care which transformed her life beyond all recognition.
It is both a deeply disturbing and profoundly inspiring story. You can find out more, and download a shorter version, at the website www.healingneen.com. It is a pretty graphic film (mom, don't watch it), but it shows the extent to which trauma, especially early trauma, shapes behavior. To my surprise, watching it gave me a much greater sense of compassion for the parents whose children are removed by the foster care system. Tonier's life shows how that system can fail disastrously on both ends of the spectrum. It sounds trite to say it makes you think, but it really does. Beyond the limitations of the system, however, Tonier's story shows how the cycle of abuse, neglect, and trauma can seem inescapable. It gives testament to the saying "hurt people hurt people." But her story also reveals that redemption is possible, drastic reinvention can happen.
Watch it if you can (except mom, seriously, don't watch it).
It is both a deeply disturbing and profoundly inspiring story. You can find out more, and download a shorter version, at the website www.healingneen.com. It is a pretty graphic film (mom, don't watch it), but it shows the extent to which trauma, especially early trauma, shapes behavior. To my surprise, watching it gave me a much greater sense of compassion for the parents whose children are removed by the foster care system. Tonier's life shows how that system can fail disastrously on both ends of the spectrum. It sounds trite to say it makes you think, but it really does. Beyond the limitations of the system, however, Tonier's story shows how the cycle of abuse, neglect, and trauma can seem inescapable. It gives testament to the saying "hurt people hurt people." But her story also reveals that redemption is possible, drastic reinvention can happen.
Watch it if you can (except mom, seriously, don't watch it).
October 24, 2011
Fabulous Fidgets
During my TBRI training this past summer, one of the things that I found most world-rocking was the idea of “fidgets.” Quite simply, these are toy-like objects that you hold and fidget with while you’re listening to a presentation or lecture.
Now, I have always prided myself on my ability to pay attention (not exactly an Olympic skill, but I worked with what I had). Teachers all throughout my childhood loved me for my constant, interested eye contact. I take fantastic lecture notes. I can sit for hours listening to people talk and be able to parrot their phrases back to you at the end (which is no guarantee that I actually understood, mind you).
Before TBRI, my response to the whole idea that someone couldn’t sit still and pay attention would have been “well, they’ve just never learned how.” I would have said the thing to do to correct their behavior would be to make them sit and pay attention, and practice until they could.
Do we need to teach children how to sit and pay attention? Yes, of course. It’s not an innate skill, and it’s certainly not one that our world of incessant distractions helps teach. But, if you just try and make a four year old boy sit still and pay attention for five, ten, fifteen minutes at a stretch, you will fail. You will be frustrated. It won’t be fun for anyone.
And if you think about it, our demands that kids sit still and pay attention are rarely for as manageable a time as five minutes. How long is a school day? How long is a Sunday school class? How long are you sitting at a restaurant trying to have a nice meal? Good grief, I have yet to make it through even a short car ride with a small tyke without having to say the words “just sit still!”
Now imagine there were something simple (and in no way dangerous or narcotic) out there that you could put into a child’s hands that would make it a lot easier for him to sit still. And imagine it helped him concentrate so that he actually paid better attention and retained more information. What if it were something ridiculously simple, like a ball of 39 cent silly putty?
That’s a “fidget.” It’s an uncomplicated toy that occupies the hands, freeing up the rest of the body to be still and the brain to be attentive. I know, I didn’t believe it either. Until around day two of the TBRI training when I started ‘playing’ with one of the fidgets on our table. It was a simple loop of plastic called a tangle that moves around. I had that thing going nonstop throughout all the lectures. I had picked it up out of curiosity, never believing for a second that a toy could possibly improve my stellar concentration. Boy was I wrong. I had a much easier time sitting through the long days (8 hours of lecture is rough on even the most quiescent adult), and I found my mind wandering much less than it had without the tangle. I was astounded.
But wait, you’re thinking, you can’t just let rowdy kids play with toys in the middle of the classroom! I had the same reaction, but then thought, why not? Would you rather spend your day saying, with increasing sharpness, “sit still!” or would you rather have the eyes and ears of your classroom, even if their hands are holding toys?
I have heard feedback from teachers who have used fidgets in their school classrooms, and they explain that the whole room is a bit bonkers for the first week or two. Every kid grabs a fidget and plays with it, and you just have to kind of ride that out. Over time, the kids who don’t need them quit picking them up, and the ones who do need them settle into the routine.
I will tell you that I used the concept yesterday in my children’s ministry classroom of energetic four year olds (mostly boys, several of whom have already been there for two and a half hours by the time I arrive). I offered the kids the chance to bring a small ball of play-doh with them into the main teaching time. About 70% of the kids brought the play-doh. Of those, about 50% just held the play-doh quietly in their hands. The rest actively ‘played’ with it, most rolling it into smaller balls that they then arranged. All of the kids listened more attentively and sat more quietly than they ever had before. Next week we’re going to try silly putty (it's less of a hazard in a carpeted area). But I also found this website that has a whole section of ‘fidgets’ and other small toys that are great.
Some tips to make it work:
1. I’ve found that fidgets that don’t actually look like toys work best. You want to keep their hands busy so their minds can focus elsewhere—if the toy is too interesting, their mind (and the minds of their neighbors) will be on the toy.
2. Give out the toys at the beginning of your time with the children. Those who don’t really need the fidgets will lose interest in them by the time you’re trying to get everyone to sit and listen.
3. I explained that they could bring the play-doh in with them if it helped them sit and listen quietly. This way it is both a fidget and an incentive.
4. Try and pick a range of fidgets: some tactilely interesting, some requiring repetitive movement, some akin to stress balls (for hard squeezes). Kids will gravitate toward what soothes them.
5. Things that bounce or pop up suddenly are great for one-on-one playtime, but make lousy fidgets. They are super distracting for everyone.
6. Magnets are dangerous for kids (they can swallow them). Keep in mind basic toy safety issues, especially if you are buying them from an adult-oriented company (many great fidgets are sold as office toys).
7. Try one yourself! Bring a tangle to fidget with under the table at your next board meeting or conference call. You might be surprised at the results, and it will certainly help you help the children you serve!
Now, I have always prided myself on my ability to pay attention (not exactly an Olympic skill, but I worked with what I had). Teachers all throughout my childhood loved me for my constant, interested eye contact. I take fantastic lecture notes. I can sit for hours listening to people talk and be able to parrot their phrases back to you at the end (which is no guarantee that I actually understood, mind you).
Before TBRI, my response to the whole idea that someone couldn’t sit still and pay attention would have been “well, they’ve just never learned how.” I would have said the thing to do to correct their behavior would be to make them sit and pay attention, and practice until they could.
Do we need to teach children how to sit and pay attention? Yes, of course. It’s not an innate skill, and it’s certainly not one that our world of incessant distractions helps teach. But, if you just try and make a four year old boy sit still and pay attention for five, ten, fifteen minutes at a stretch, you will fail. You will be frustrated. It won’t be fun for anyone.
And if you think about it, our demands that kids sit still and pay attention are rarely for as manageable a time as five minutes. How long is a school day? How long is a Sunday school class? How long are you sitting at a restaurant trying to have a nice meal? Good grief, I have yet to make it through even a short car ride with a small tyke without having to say the words “just sit still!”
Now imagine there were something simple (and in no way dangerous or narcotic) out there that you could put into a child’s hands that would make it a lot easier for him to sit still. And imagine it helped him concentrate so that he actually paid better attention and retained more information. What if it were something ridiculously simple, like a ball of 39 cent silly putty?
That’s a “fidget.” It’s an uncomplicated toy that occupies the hands, freeing up the rest of the body to be still and the brain to be attentive. I know, I didn’t believe it either. Until around day two of the TBRI training when I started ‘playing’ with one of the fidgets on our table. It was a simple loop of plastic called a tangle that moves around. I had that thing going nonstop throughout all the lectures. I had picked it up out of curiosity, never believing for a second that a toy could possibly improve my stellar concentration. Boy was I wrong. I had a much easier time sitting through the long days (8 hours of lecture is rough on even the most quiescent adult), and I found my mind wandering much less than it had without the tangle. I was astounded.
But wait, you’re thinking, you can’t just let rowdy kids play with toys in the middle of the classroom! I had the same reaction, but then thought, why not? Would you rather spend your day saying, with increasing sharpness, “sit still!” or would you rather have the eyes and ears of your classroom, even if their hands are holding toys?
I have heard feedback from teachers who have used fidgets in their school classrooms, and they explain that the whole room is a bit bonkers for the first week or two. Every kid grabs a fidget and plays with it, and you just have to kind of ride that out. Over time, the kids who don’t need them quit picking them up, and the ones who do need them settle into the routine.
I will tell you that I used the concept yesterday in my children’s ministry classroom of energetic four year olds (mostly boys, several of whom have already been there for two and a half hours by the time I arrive). I offered the kids the chance to bring a small ball of play-doh with them into the main teaching time. About 70% of the kids brought the play-doh. Of those, about 50% just held the play-doh quietly in their hands. The rest actively ‘played’ with it, most rolling it into smaller balls that they then arranged. All of the kids listened more attentively and sat more quietly than they ever had before. Next week we’re going to try silly putty (it's less of a hazard in a carpeted area). But I also found this website that has a whole section of ‘fidgets’ and other small toys that are great.
Some tips to make it work:
1. I’ve found that fidgets that don’t actually look like toys work best. You want to keep their hands busy so their minds can focus elsewhere—if the toy is too interesting, their mind (and the minds of their neighbors) will be on the toy.
2. Give out the toys at the beginning of your time with the children. Those who don’t really need the fidgets will lose interest in them by the time you’re trying to get everyone to sit and listen.
3. I explained that they could bring the play-doh in with them if it helped them sit and listen quietly. This way it is both a fidget and an incentive.
4. Try and pick a range of fidgets: some tactilely interesting, some requiring repetitive movement, some akin to stress balls (for hard squeezes). Kids will gravitate toward what soothes them.
5. Things that bounce or pop up suddenly are great for one-on-one playtime, but make lousy fidgets. They are super distracting for everyone.
6. Magnets are dangerous for kids (they can swallow them). Keep in mind basic toy safety issues, especially if you are buying them from an adult-oriented company (many great fidgets are sold as office toys).
7. Try one yourself! Bring a tangle to fidget with under the table at your next board meeting or conference call. You might be surprised at the results, and it will certainly help you help the children you serve!
October 23, 2011
Inspiration with Wheels On
It is all too easy to attend an amazing conference, feel fired up, and then fizzle out as the tyranny of the immediate hits you when you walk in the door. This blog post is a great stance on preventing that. Even if you didn't attend the Together for Adoption conference this past weekend, it's still a great read and a great route to actually doing something about a problem often feels paralyzingly massive.
Read it, pray about it, do it!
Read it, pray about it, do it!
But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. ~James 1:22-25
October 21, 2011
Songs in the Night He Giveth
I love praise and worship songs, when they are written with sound theology and sung by sincere hearts. At their best, there is no matching their outpouring of joy and worship. But as a soprano raised in traditional churches, I have a deep and abiding love for the old, old hymns. They manage to say more; there is an entire seminary class packed into some of those reworked pub songs. Selfishly, I am drawn to them because many of them have lovely, soaring ranges that our often alto-centered modern songs lack. And most of all, I love the way God uses them to comfort me--running them through my head at unexpected moments.
Today has been a day of feeling downtrodden by the enormity of the bureaucratic hurdles I have to jump through. So as I was driving home from one such errand, I turned off my radio and just started singing. And the more I sang, the more perspective I got. All of which reminded me of one of my favorite hymns of all time:
Today has been a day of feeling downtrodden by the enormity of the bureaucratic hurdles I have to jump through. So as I was driving home from one such errand, I turned off my radio and just started singing. And the more I sang, the more perspective I got. All of which reminded me of one of my favorite hymns of all time:
My life flows on in endless song;
Above earth’s lamentation
I hear the sweet though far off hymn
That hails a new creation:
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul—
How can I keep from singing?
What though my joys and comforts die?
The Lord my Savior liveth;
What though the darkness gather round!
Songs in the night He giveth:
No storm can shake my inmost calm
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of Heav’n and earth,
How can I keep from singing?
I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smoothes
Since first I learned to love it:
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing:
All things are mine since I am His—
How can I keep from singing?
I can't say it any better than that.
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