For the past twelve years (twelve years), I have gone to sleep with earplugs in my ears. And not the gentle, "these are just resting near my ear drums while I fire this shotgun" kind of earplugs. I'm talking about the kind you squeeze into tiny squished cylinders before cramming into your ears, the kind that are just milli-somethings below the government standard of "you will die before you ever hear the fire engine" decibel level. Serious, noise-canceling earplugs have been my nocturnal companions through six dormitories, countless sleepovers, and about twenty hotel stays.
Why? Because I am the world's lightest sleeper. Always the last to fall asleep and the first to wake at childhood slumber parties (which saved me from many a pair of frozen undies, I might add). The other night, the faint sound of my own wheezing (I have a slight chest cold) woke me from a deep sleep at 3am.
I have also been known to be the world's longest sleeper. My dad once woke me up after 17.5 hours of sleep, worried, one assumes, that I was dead. (I was grumpy, but very much alive) Doctors have suggested that I need such marathon sleeps in order to accrue the REM equivalent of what many eight-hour deep sleepers take for granted, since my sleep cycles are so easily disrupted. (Have I researched sleep too much? Perhaps...)
The point is, the tiniest noises wake me up. I live alone in a quiet house in a quiet neighborhood. And I still sleep in earplugs. Even with the earplugs, I often wake up when my dog (sleeping in his well cushioned crate away from my bed) rolls over in his sleep. (I wish I were exaggerating. I'm not.)
Last night, I slept without earplugs for the first time in over a dozen years. It wasn't pretty. I woke to the sound of my dog licking his foot. I woke when I turned over and the sheets made a noise. I woke when a squirrel outside my well-insulated windows called a cheerful pre-dawn greeting to its mate. I woke repeatedly, and am now thoroughly exhausted, but I will continue with this cold-turkey approach to 'quitting' earplugs.
Again you ask, why? Well, I'm quitting earplugs because I want to hear all the tiny squeaks and shuffles and miniscule noises that my boys may make. My house's floorplan has the master bedroom on the ground floor, with the children's room and the office up above. I want to wake in the night if I hear a sneaky step upon the stairs. I definitely want to hear if someone tries to open the intentionally squeaky front door. I want to know if my guys are raiding the fridge in the wee hours of the morning (not to punish them, but to work toward reassuring the panicked starvation fear).
Did you know that, during pregnancy, women's ears actually increase their hearing ability in substantial amounts? Our great and merciful God, knowing from before time began that I would not be pregnant on this earth, gave me a freakishly acute sense of hearing and a freakishly light style of sleeping. It has rarely been a gift in my life so far. But I believe He knew I would one day need to hear the slightest noise, the merest indication of my child's distress.
And so I am grateful, though immensely sleepy, as I work toward sleeping through the night without my blissful oblivion. =)
November 7, 2011
November 6, 2011
Daylight Sufferings
I don't like Daylight Savings. It bums me out that it is suddenly sunny earlier and dark earlier. And that fake extra hour of sleep is not enough of a bonus to make it worthwhile.
Daylight Savings is notoriously rough on kids and animals, since it doesn't make any sense to them that you would just decide that the time is no longer the time it is. (they're not wrong.)
I suppose in a more optimal world, you could work them up to the drastic change by moving the clocks 5 minutes every day for the twelve days before Daylight Savings. But who has the luxury/obsessive tendencies to be able to do that?
So other than moving to Arizona, what can you do to ease this transition? I did find one blog that offers a more reasonable "work up to it" method. You begin the transition Friday night rather than Saturday. The goal is to make the Monday morning experience a bit less of a jolt. I would bump it all back to Thursday, but that's just me. He based his schedule on his daughters' sleep schedule, which is bedtime 7pm, wake up 7am.
One simple suggestion is for parents to go to bed early on DS night. As adults we get used to the "free hour of sleep" idea, but anyone with kids knows that is a lie. Going to bed earlier will help you feel more rested and less resentful of the unchanged body clock of your two year old.
Also as it gets dark earlier, make sure you and your kids are soaking up as much sunshine as you can. Sunshine is good for you physically, emotionally, and mentally, but it may take more of an effort to fit in "sun-time" when the hours of daylight shrink (and temperatures drop).
Most of all, as with any transition, budget in extra time, trim down your to-do list, and have a back up plan. Trying to rush while you're sleep deprived and your child is confused pretty much guarantees a meltdown.
And if, best intentions notwithstanding, you find yourself wide awake at midnight after a long and exhausting day? I feel your pain...
Daylight Savings is notoriously rough on kids and animals, since it doesn't make any sense to them that you would just decide that the time is no longer the time it is. (they're not wrong.)
I suppose in a more optimal world, you could work them up to the drastic change by moving the clocks 5 minutes every day for the twelve days before Daylight Savings. But who has the luxury/obsessive tendencies to be able to do that?
So other than moving to Arizona, what can you do to ease this transition? I did find one blog that offers a more reasonable "work up to it" method. You begin the transition Friday night rather than Saturday. The goal is to make the Monday morning experience a bit less of a jolt. I would bump it all back to Thursday, but that's just me. He based his schedule on his daughters' sleep schedule, which is bedtime 7pm, wake up 7am.
| Friday | Saturday | Sunday (DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!) | Monday |
| Bedtime | 7:15 pm
| 7:30 pm | 6:45 pm | 7:00 pm |
| Waking time | 7:00 am
| 7:15 am | 6:30 am | 6:45 am |
One simple suggestion is for parents to go to bed early on DS night. As adults we get used to the "free hour of sleep" idea, but anyone with kids knows that is a lie. Going to bed earlier will help you feel more rested and less resentful of the unchanged body clock of your two year old.
Also as it gets dark earlier, make sure you and your kids are soaking up as much sunshine as you can. Sunshine is good for you physically, emotionally, and mentally, but it may take more of an effort to fit in "sun-time" when the hours of daylight shrink (and temperatures drop).
Most of all, as with any transition, budget in extra time, trim down your to-do list, and have a back up plan. Trying to rush while you're sleep deprived and your child is confused pretty much guarantees a meltdown.
And if, best intentions notwithstanding, you find yourself wide awake at midnight after a long and exhausting day? I feel your pain...
November 5, 2011
Why Do We Do It?
This is why.
Video from the Christian Alliance for Orphans. For even more videos, visit their resource site here.
November 4, 2011
November 3, 2011
Adoption and the Single Girl, Part One
Over the past few weeks, I’ve read several different blog posts from devout, godly, awesome women about the struggles of singleness. You can read them here, here, and here. These women are fantastic; they serve faithfully and accomplish astounding things for the Kingdom. I fully respect what they have to say about being single, and I deeply admire them for their perseverance in what is often a rough road for each of them. I think a lot of Christian women feel the way these women feel, and I am delighted that those women have such godly examples of good fighting to encourage them.
But I am single and I love it. Love it love it love it, dance around the house singing about how much I love it. I would love to say that I feel this way because I am spiritually mature or an empowered free-wheeling feminist, but that would be a lie. The truth is, I love being single because God has called me to a life of singleness, and He has given me deep and abiding joy and contentment in that state. Which is fantastic, and I am immensely grateful. But here’s the catch. All three of those godly women are aware, and wary of, the fact that the idea of marriage can easily become an idol in their lives. I’m here to tell you, singleness can be just as much of an idol.
I love singleness for the good reasons: God brought me to faith in Christ through my singleness, and then enabled me to work at a church, to go to seminary, to intern at another church, and to get licensed for foster care. All of those would have been much more complicated if I had been married. I have been able to be much more focused on God and working for His glory than I ever would have been if I weren’t single (not that married people aren’t focused on God, just that a married me wouldn’t have been).
I also love singleness for the selfish, silly reasons: I don’t ever have to have ESPN; I don’t have to do anyone else’s laundry or iron anyone else’s shirts; I can work/eat/sleep/read whenever I want; I don’t have to share; I don’t have to deal with anyone else’s extended family; I don’t have to argue; I don’t have to consult or cooperate with anyone else when I make a decision. I take great delight in all of these things; sometimes I exult in them daily. But they are dangerous. There is a lot of room for selfishness in singleness, and there is a lot of room for thinking that I am in charge of my space, my time, my life when actually God is.
If you read through that list of selfish reasons for loving singleness, you may have noticed something. By entering this foster/adopt journey, I’m about to give most of those up. I’m about to switch from a life that caters to my every whim (within limits) to a life that sacrifices at every turn. And I’ll be brutally honest. There are a lot of reasons to doubt the decision to foster; it is more scary and difficult than anything I have ever even come close to doing. But none of those reasons has held any sway over me. The thing that makes me hesitate, that makes me doubt, is the whiny two year old inside who doesn’t want to give up all the silly things you can’t have/do anymore when you become a parent.
Obviously, that voice isn’t winning. But just knowing that it is there, and that it is loud, has been really humbling for me. What’s even more humbling is the knowledge that Jesus left heaven to come to earth to suffer and die just because He loved selfish, rebellious, stiff-necked ol’ me. Which makes giving up control over my sleep schedule seem like the least I can do. =)
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. --Philippians 2:3-8
But I am single and I love it. Love it love it love it, dance around the house singing about how much I love it. I would love to say that I feel this way because I am spiritually mature or an empowered free-wheeling feminist, but that would be a lie. The truth is, I love being single because God has called me to a life of singleness, and He has given me deep and abiding joy and contentment in that state. Which is fantastic, and I am immensely grateful. But here’s the catch. All three of those godly women are aware, and wary of, the fact that the idea of marriage can easily become an idol in their lives. I’m here to tell you, singleness can be just as much of an idol.
I love singleness for the good reasons: God brought me to faith in Christ through my singleness, and then enabled me to work at a church, to go to seminary, to intern at another church, and to get licensed for foster care. All of those would have been much more complicated if I had been married. I have been able to be much more focused on God and working for His glory than I ever would have been if I weren’t single (not that married people aren’t focused on God, just that a married me wouldn’t have been).
I also love singleness for the selfish, silly reasons: I don’t ever have to have ESPN; I don’t have to do anyone else’s laundry or iron anyone else’s shirts; I can work/eat/sleep/read whenever I want; I don’t have to share; I don’t have to deal with anyone else’s extended family; I don’t have to argue; I don’t have to consult or cooperate with anyone else when I make a decision. I take great delight in all of these things; sometimes I exult in them daily. But they are dangerous. There is a lot of room for selfishness in singleness, and there is a lot of room for thinking that I am in charge of my space, my time, my life when actually God is.
If you read through that list of selfish reasons for loving singleness, you may have noticed something. By entering this foster/adopt journey, I’m about to give most of those up. I’m about to switch from a life that caters to my every whim (within limits) to a life that sacrifices at every turn. And I’ll be brutally honest. There are a lot of reasons to doubt the decision to foster; it is more scary and difficult than anything I have ever even come close to doing. But none of those reasons has held any sway over me. The thing that makes me hesitate, that makes me doubt, is the whiny two year old inside who doesn’t want to give up all the silly things you can’t have/do anymore when you become a parent.
Obviously, that voice isn’t winning. But just knowing that it is there, and that it is loud, has been really humbling for me. What’s even more humbling is the knowledge that Jesus left heaven to come to earth to suffer and die just because He loved selfish, rebellious, stiff-necked ol’ me. Which makes giving up control over my sleep schedule seem like the least I can do. =)
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. --Philippians 2:3-8
November 2, 2011
Oh my word...
If you are in the foster or adoption process, or know someone even slightly in process, you MUST read this blog post. It is so wise, so necessary, so amazing. Read it.
Seriously. Read it.
I may print it out and start handing it out on street corners.
Seriously. Read it.
I may print it out and start handing it out on street corners.
November 1, 2011
Great Books on Adoption and Foster Care
I'm still too tired to share all I learned from the Tapestry conference, but I do want to share some recommended reading (other than The Connected Child, which you must own). You can find the full list here, but these are a few that are on my current wishlist:
*Adoption is a Family Affair! – What Friends and Family Must Know, Patricia Irwin Johnston
*“Parenting Is Your Highest Calling” And 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt, Leslie Leyland Fields
*Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families, Jayne Schooler, Betsy Keefer Smalley and Timothy J. Callahan
*I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla, Marguerite Wright
*In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories, Rita J. Simon & Rhonda M. Roorda
*The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun, Carol S. Kranowitz
Books for Kids:
*Maybe Days: A Book for Children in Foster Care, Jennifer Wilgocki
*Adoption is a Family Affair! – What Friends and Family Must Know, Patricia Irwin Johnston
*“Parenting Is Your Highest Calling” And 8 Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt, Leslie Leyland Fields
*Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families, Jayne Schooler, Betsy Keefer Smalley and Timothy J. Callahan
*I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla, Marguerite Wright
*In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories, Rita J. Simon & Rhonda M. Roorda
*The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun, Carol S. Kranowitz
Books for Kids:
*Maybe Days: A Book for Children in Foster Care, Jennifer Wilgocki
*Murphy’s Three Homes (A Story for Children in Foster Care), Jan Levinson Gilman
*My Adopted Child, There’s No One Like You, Kevin Leman
*Rosie’s Family, Lori Rosove
W.I.S.E. Up Powerbook (For Children Who Were Adopted), The Center for Adoption Support and Education (Tapestry Comment: An excellent resource to help empower your kids to know and be able to answer (or not answer) questions about their family and their adoption. Highly recommended for all adoptive families with school-age children.)
W.I.S.E. Up Powerbook (For Children in Foster Care), The Center for Adoption Support and Education (Tapestry Comment: Similar to the original W.I.S.E Up Powerbook for children who were adopted, this resource is a great way to help talk with and empower children in foster care to better understand, accept and handle their story.)
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