What’s a Smart Gal to do in the Church?

At the risk of sounding obnoxious, I have based this post on my own experience of being a smart lady. I’m not smart in any way that is lucrative or heroic or even really useful on a day-to-day basis, and I didn’t do anything to earn this brain of mine. It’s the one I came with. I still make dumb mistakes and can’t figure out my taxes (or basic compass directions). But the fact remains that I’ve got a capable, quick-thinking brain. I did well in school and I read a lot.

That being said, it is sometimes hard to be a smart woman in the American Church. It is often even harder to be a smart woman in a complementarian church. I am a committed complementarian, and it is not at all difficult for me to cede senior leadership roles to men. What gets difficult is the “now what?” of how and where to serve.

As a smart woman, it can be frustrating to see problems you could solve, processes you could streamline, or mistakes you could correct and not be able to do anything about it. (that’s probably true for everyone at some point actually, regardless of intellectual ability or gender). Over time, as your efforts to help are rebuffed, or there is no way to actually offer, this frustration can ferment into bitterness and hurt.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine who is both smart and wise (a surprisingly rare combo) and yet wildly underutilized in the church. (church in the sense of about a dozen churches she’s attended in her lifetime) Reflecting on all the good she, and others like her, could have done if they’d been plugged in a little better made me pretty mad. And whenever I get mad about something church-related, I take a step back and examine if I’m feeling righteous anger or selfish anger (spoiler alert: it’s almost always selfish). How do I do this? By looking at Jesus.

Jesus got mad at His religious community. Kind of a lot. And He wasn’t shy about it either. (Matthew 23 anyone?) So when I get mad at my religious community, I look at what made Jesus mad and see if the causes match up. Sometimes they do—sanctioned sin in high levels of church leadership, judging others rather than serving them, major doctrinal error, etc. all fall under the category of things Jesus would be mad about.

But I also have to look at what Jesus would do. And here’s where the “it’s hard to be a smart woman in the church” complaint gets stuck. Because Jesus was, without question, the smartest being ever to walk this earth. By a lot. And He must have had a million moments each day when the thought crossed His mind, “I could do it so much better if they would just listen to Me!” Two of the three temptations that the devil placed before Him played on this very impulse. (Matthew 4) Satan offered Jesus the chance to rule the earth, immediately and completely, and I’m sure Jesus could imagine the suffering that would be spared us all if we were forced to follow Him. And Satan offered Him the chance to prove spectacularly that He is God, which again would have caused a much bigger number of people to follow Him right away, and would again spare all the suffering and harm we cause when we insist on running things our own flawed way. Jesus knew He could do a better job, an infinitely better job, than the humans were doing. He even knew that it would spare them tremendous pain (in the short run) if He took over. But He also knew that the greater, eternal good would not be accomplished in that way, just as a mother knows she cannot carry her child forever or he will never walk. He knew He was to follow God’s will instead.

And so, smart women, let’s follow Jesus.

Serve faithfully wherever they’ll have you. I stumbled into the preschool ministry because that was the place of greatest need in one of the churches I was attending. It is now the most joyful part of my week.

Humble yourself whenever you can. Doing a Bible study with people who don’t do all the research or know all the commentaries like you do can feel tedious. It can also prevent you from getting so caught up in the head part that you forget the heart and hands. I can’t even count the number of times I have entered a gathering feeling scornful and superior and then been gobsmacked as the people around me suggested application after application that never even occurred to me.

Mentor and be mentored. I know a lot about some stuff. Other people know a lot about other stuff that I don’t know. That’s the way God created us, so that together we could be a force for His glory. Be willing to teach, and equally willing to be taught.

Light your path. Keep reading and studying the Bible. It is the living word. I had several professors in their eighties and nineties who have been reading the Bible every day of their lives and are still learning new things and hearing new truths through it. You don’t know it all, and you never will this side of heaven.

Keep a gentle and quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3:4 instructs women to focus on maintaining “the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” Forrest Gump claimed that “stupid is as stupid does.” It doesn’t matter how much you know or how brilliant your brain is if your behavior is rowdy or your attitude is rotten.

Remember the Head. One of my professors, explaining spiritual gifts and the role of the believer in the Body of Christ, quipped, “The Body doesn’t need a brain. It has one already, and it isn’t you.”
Fix your eyes upon Jesus, “the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Heb 12:2)

Pray for help. It is hard sometimes. It’s that old pesky painfulness of iron sharpening iron. Not a super comfy process for the iron that’s getting smacked around and setting off sparks everywhere. But it is for your good and God’s glory, so pray that He will give you the patience, humility, and perseverance it will require.

If You Don't Want to Bawl Like a Baby

Don't ever watch Atonement. I have had the DVD for about a week now, and I routinely try to make it to the hour mark without shutting it off. Tonight I made it a few moments beyond that, but had to turn it off because I was sobbing like the world's most distraught toddler.

So I say, don't watch it. Or do, if your tear ducts need a thorough clean out.

And, for the record, I think the whole story collapses because no 12 year old upper class girl in 1937 would have known that word. But I digress.

If you're prone to sobbery, I say stick to action or comedy. =)

This

This blogpost. Read it.

I am so impressed that it was written by a man (somewhat unfair of me, but I am).

I am wiping tears off my chin as I type this.

I love that this kind of experience is being recognized, and I am also challenged to go even further.

So yeah, read it.

Unexpected Side-Effects of Being a Teacher

• It is only a matter of time before I publicly correct a stranger's grammar, or admonish him to say 'please.' I am forever stopping myself on the brink of doing this, and am bound to slip someday soon!
• I cannot read a blog, billboard, or email without correcting any and all of its grammar and spelling errors. (Come on people, turn on your spell check!!)
• I consider the second series of Downton Abbey pretty much ruined because of several WWI inaccuracies as egregious as impossibly shallow trenches and an incorrectly worded telegram (among many others).
• I will happily bore anyone by launching an avalanche of obscure historical and or literary facts at the slightest provocation.
• I clutter up my texts and tweets with proper punctuation. Any oversight would be inexcusable!
• I recommend books to everyone, whether I've been asked to or not.
• I wouldn't alter any of these idiosyncrasies in the slightest. I absolutely adore teaching and can't wait to dedicate even more of my daily hours to doing it!

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. -Colossians 3:16

Scripture Saturday: Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Or, as the King James Version translates it,

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This reminder that we are to see God as our example in familial relationships is a timely one. So much of my work with adoptive families involves teaching against old “Christian” methods of parenting. It is reassuring to remember that we are to parent as God parents: give our children good things, but not so much that it isn’t good for them; discipline them when they do things that are disrespectful or dangerous, but always with a heart that is for them, not a hand that is against them; teach them where they are and walk with them to where they can be; love them enough to say no, and love them so much they get tired of hearing it. There is also a powerful call to fatherly leadership inthis verse, and it needs to be said. So often in modern families, and particularly in adoptive families, the mothers are leading the charge. In this verse, Paul reminds us that fathers should be interacting with their children too, as much as God interacts with us (a tall order!).

Need a Laugh?

Laughter may not be the best medicine, especially if you're trying to cure intense stomach pain, intestinal distress, or a broken rib. But it is definitely good for the soul, and it is an automatic way to disarm a fear response. Giggling trumps angry or terrified every time.

So in case you could use a chuckle today, here's an awesome series of "dumb jokes that are funny." They all made me laugh out loud, and are almost all kid-friendly. So enjoy!!

A Nod to My Episcopal Background

I spent about one and a half years in an Episcopal school before becoming an atheist, and I endured seven more years of daily, then weekly, chapel services as a non-believer. And while I hated it at the time, I now occasionally miss the centuries-old liturgy and the almost mystical solemnity of some of the rites. I particularly miss the idea of communal prayer. I know that it tends, over time, to devolve into rote recitation. But there is still something powerful about a room full of people all confessing their sins together.

Almighty and most merciful Father,
we have erred and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep,
we have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts,
we have offended against thy holy laws,
we have left undone those things which we ought to have done,
and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.
But thou, O Lord, have mercy upon us,
spare thou those who confess their faults,
restore thou those who are penitent,
according to thy promises declared unto mankind in Christ Jesus our Lord;
and grant, O most merciful Father, for his sake,
that we may hereafter live a godly, righteous, and sober life,
to the glory of thy holy Name.

Amen.

Or even the sweet simplicity of this modern version:

Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against thee in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved thee with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of thy Son Jesus Christ,
have mercy on us and forgive us;
that we may delight in thy will,
and walk in thy ways,
to the glory of thy Name.

Amen.